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to accept the embraces of a boa constrictor when once it gets
round your neck。
OCTAVIUS。 This sort of talk is not kind to me； Jack。
TANNER。 ＇rising and going to Octavius to console him； but still
lamenting＇ If he wanted a young guardian； why didn't he appoint
Tavy？
RAMSDEN。 Ah！ why indeed？
OCTAVIUS。 I will tell you。 He sounded me about it； but I refused
the trust because I loved her。 I had no right to let myself be
forced on her as a guardian by her father。 He spoke to her about
it； and she said I was right。 You know I love her； Mr Ramsden；
and Jack knows it too。 If Jack loved a woman； I would not compare
her to a boa constrictor in his presence； however much I might
dislike her ＇he sits down between the busts and turns his face to
the wall＇。
RAMSDEN。 I do not believe that Whitefield was in his right senses
when he made that will。 You have admitted that he made it under
your influence。
TANNER。 You ought to be pretty well obliged to me for my
influence。 He leaves you two thousand five hundred for your
trouble。 He leaves Tavy a dowry for his sister and five thousand
for himself。
OCTAVIUS。 ＇his tears flowing afresh＇ Oh； I can't take it。 He was
too good to us。
TANNER。 You won't get it； my boy； if Ramsden upsets the will。
RAMSDEN。 Ha！ I see。 You have got me in a cleft stick。
TANNER。 He leaves me nothing but the charge of Ann's morals； on
the ground that I have already more money than is good for me。
That shows that he had his wits about him； doesn't it？
RAMSDEN。 ＇grimly＇ I admit that。
OCTAVIUS。 ＇rising and coming from his refuge by the wall＇ Mr
Ramsden： I think you are prejudiced against Jack。 He is a man of
honor； and incapable of abusing
TANNER。 Don't； Tavy： you'll make me ill。 I am not a man of honor：
I am a man struck down by a dead hand。 Tavy： you must marry her
after all and take her off my hands。 And I had set my heart on
saving you from her！
OCTAVIUS。 Oh； Jack； you talk of saving me from my highest
happiness。
TANNER。 Yes； a lifetime of happiness。 If it were only the first
half hour's happiness； Tavy； I would buy it for you with my last
penny。 But a lifetime of happiness！ No man alive could bear it：
it would be hell on earth。
RAMSDEN。 ＇violently＇ Stuff； sir。 Talk sense； or else go and waste
someone else's time： I have something better to do than listen to
your fooleries ＇he positively kicks his way to his table and
resumes his seat＇。
TANNER。 You hear him； Tavy！ Not an idea in his head later than
eighteen…sixty。 We can't leave Ann with no other guardian to turn
to。
RAMSDEN。 I am proud of your contempt for my character and
opinions； sir。 Your own are set forth in that book； I believe。
TANNER。 ＇eagerly going to the table＇ What！ You've got my book！
What do you think of it？
RAMSDEN。 Do you suppose I would read such a book； sir？
TANNER。 Then why did you buy it？
RAMSDEN。 I did not buy it； sir。 It has been sent me by some
foolish lady who seems to admire your views。 I was about to
dispose of it when Octavius interrupted me。 I shall do so now；
with your permission。 ＇He throws the book into the waste paper
basket with such vehemence that Tanner recoils under the
impression that it is being thrown at his head＇。
TANNER。 You have no more manners than I have myself。 However；
that saves ceremony between us。 ＇He sits down again＇。 What do you
intend to do about this will？
OCTAVIUS。 May I make a suggestion？
RAMSDEN。 Certainly； Octavius。
OCTAVIUS。 Aren't we forgetting that Ann herself may have some
wishes in this matter？
RAMSDEN。 I quite intend that Annie's wishes shall be consulted in
every reasonable way。 But she is only a woman； and a young and
inexperienced woman at that。
TANNER。 Ramsden： I begin to pity you。
RAMSDEN。 ＇hotly＇ I don't want to know how you feel towards me； Mr
Tanner。
TANNER。 Ann will do just exactly what she likes。 And what's more；
she'll force us to advise her to do it； and she'll put the blame
on us if it turns out badly。 So； as Tavy is longing to see her
OCTAVIUS。 ＇shyly＇ I am not； Jack。
TANNER。 You lie； Tavy： you are。 So let's have her down from the
drawing…room and ask her what she intends us to do。 Off with you；
Tavy； and fetch her。 ＇Tavy turns to go＇。 And don't be long for
the strained relations between myself and Ramsden will make the
interval rather painful ＇Ramsden compresses his lips； but says
nothing＇。
OCTAVIUS。 Never mind him； Mr Ramsden。 He's not serious。 ＇He goes
out＇。
RAMSDEN ＇very deliberately＇ Mr Tanner： you are the most impudent
person I have ever met。
TANNER。 ＇seriously＇ I know it； Ramsden。 Yet even I cannot wholly
conquer shame。 We live in an atmosphere of shame。 We are ashamed
of everything that is real about us； ashamed of ourselves； of our
relatives； of our incomes； of our accents； of our opinions； of
our experience； just as we are ashamed of our naked skins。 Good
Lord； my dear Ramsden； we are ashamed to walk； ashamed to ride in
an omnibus； ashamed to hire a hansom instead of keeping a
carriage； ashamed of keeping one horse instead of two and a
groom…gardener instead of a coachman and footman。 The more things
a man is ashamed of； the more respectable he is。 Why； you're
ashamed to buy my book； ashamed to read it： the only thing you're
not ashamed of is to judge me for it without having read it； and
even that only means that you're ashamed to have heterodox
opinions。 Look at the effect I produce because my fairy godmother
withheld from me this gift of shame。 I have every possible virtue
that a man can have except
RAMSDEN。 I am glad you think so well of yourself。
TANNER。 All you mean by that is that you think I ought to be
ashamed of talking about my virtues。 You don't mean that I
haven't got them： you know perfectly well that I am as sober and
honest a citizen as yourself； as truthful personally； and much
more truthful politically and morally。
RAMSDEN。 ＇touched on his most sensitive point＇ I deny that。 I
will not allow you or any man to treat me as if I were a mere
member of the British public。 I detest its prejudices； I scorn
its narrowness； I demand the right to think for myself。 You pose
as an advanced man。 Let me tell you that I was an advanced man
before you were born。
TANNER。 I knew it was a long time ago。
RAMSDEN。 I am as advanced as ever I was。 I defy you to prove that
I have ever hauled down the flag。 I am more advanced than ever I
was。 I grow more advanced every day。
TANNER。 More advanced in years； Polonius。
RAMSDEN。 Polonius！ So you are Hamlet； I suppose。
TANNER。 No： I am only the most impudent person you've ever met。
That's your notion of a thoroughly bad character。 When you want
to give me a piece of your mind； you ask yourself； as a just and
upright man； what is the worst you can fairly say of me。 Thief；
liar； forger； adulterer； perjurer； glutton； drunkard？ Not one of
these names fit me。 You have to fall back on my deficiency in
shame。 Well； I admit it。 I even congratulate myself； for if I
were ashamed of my real self； I should cut as stupid a figure as
any of the rest of you。 Cultivate a little impudence； Ramsden；
and you will become quite a remarkable man。
RAMSDEN。 I have no