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〃My angel；〃 she said； 〃I can talk morality too if I choose。 I have
asked myself whether I commit a crime in loving you； whether I violate
the divine laws； and I find that my love for you is both natural and
pious。 Why did God create some beings handsomer than others if not to
show us that we ought to adore them？ The crime would be in not loving
you。 This lady insults you by confounding you with other men； the laws
of morality are not applicable to you； for God has created you above
them。 Am I not drawing nearer to divine love in loving you？ will God
punish a poor woman for seeking the divine？ Your great and luminous
heart so resembles the heavens that I am like the gnats which flutter
about the torches of a fete and burn themselves； are they to be
punished for their error？ besides； is it an error？ may it not be pure
worship of the light？ They perish of too much piety；if you call it
perishing to fling one's self on the breast of him we love。 I have the
weakness to love you； whereas that woman has the strength to remain in
her Catholic shrine。 Now； don't frown。 You think I wish her ill。 No； I
do not。 I adore the morality which has led her to leave you free； and
enables me to win you and hold you foreverfor you are mine forever；
are you not？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃Forever and ever？〃
〃Yes。〃
〃Ah！ I have found favor in my lord！ I alone have understood his worth！
She knows how to cultivate her estate； you say。 Well； I leave that to
farmers； I cultivate your heart。〃
I try to recall this intoxicating babble； that I may picture to you
the woman as she is； confirm all I have said of her； and let you into
the secret of what happened later。 But how shall I describe the
accompaniment of the words？ She sought to annihilate by the passion of
her impetuous love the impressions left in my heart by the chaste and
dignified love of my Henriette。 Lady Dudley had seen the countess as
plainly as the countess had seen her； each had judged the other。 The
force of Arabella's attack revealed to me the extent of her fear； and
her secret admiration for her rival。 In the morning I found her with
tearful eyes； complaining that she had not slept。
〃What troubles you？〃 I said。
〃I fear that my excessive love will ruin me；〃 she answered； 〃I have
given all。 Wiser than I； that woman possesses something that you still
desire。 If you prefer her； forget me； I will not trouble you with my
sorrows； my remorse； my sufferings； no； I will go far away and die；
like a plant deprived of the life…giving sun。〃
She was able to wring protestations of love from my reluctant lips；
which filled her with joy。
〃Ah！〃 she exclaimed； drying her eyes； 〃I am happy。 Go back to her； I
do not choose to owe you to the force of my love； but to the action of
your own will。 If you return here I shall know that you love me as
much as I love you； the possibility of which I have always doubted。〃
She persuaded me to return to Clochegourde。 The false position in
which I thus placed myself did not strike me while still under the
influence of her wiles。 Yet； had I refused to return I should have
given Lady Dudley a triumph over Henriette。 Arabella would then have
taken me to Paris。 To go now to Clochegourde was an open insult to
Madame de Mortsauf； in that case Arabella was sure of me。 Did any
woman ever pardon such crimes against love？ Unless she were an angel
descended from the skies； instead of a purified spirit ascending to
them； a loving woman would rather see her lover die than know him
happy with another。 Thus； look at it as I would； my situation； after I
had once left Clochegourde for the Grenadiere； was as fatal to the
love of my choice as it was profitable to the transient love that held
me。 Lady Dudley had calculated all this with consummate cleverness。
She owned to me later that if she had not met Madame de Mortsauf on
the moor she had intended to compromise me by haunting Clochegourde
until she did so。
When I met the countess that morning； and found her pale and depressed
like one who has not slept all night； I was conscious of exercising
the instinctive perception given to hearts still fresh and generous to
show them the true bearing of actions little regarded by the world at
large； but judged as criminal by lofty spirits。 Like a child going
down a precipice in play and gathering flowers； who sees with dread
that it can never climb that height again； feels itself alone； with
night approaching； and hears the howls of animals； so I now knew that
she and I were separated by a universe。 A wail arose within our souls
like an echo of that woeful 〃Consummatum est〃 heard in the churches on
Good Friday at the hour the Saviour died；a dreadful scene which awes
young souls whose first love is religion。 All Henriette's illusions
were killed at one blow； her heart had endured its passion。 She did
not look at me； she refused me the light that for six long years had
shone upon my life。 She knew well that the spring of the effulgent
rays shed by our eyes was in our souls； to which they served as
pathways to reach each other； to blend them in one； meeting； parting；
playing； like two confiding women who tell each other all。 Bitterly I
felt the wrong of bringing beneath this roof； where pleasure was
unknown； a face on which the wings of pleasure had shaken their
prismatic dust。 If； the night before； I had allowed Lady Dudley to
depart alone； if I had then returned to Clochegourde； where； it may
be； Henriette awaited me； perhapsperhaps Madame de Mortsauf might
not so cruelly have resolved to be my sister。 But now she paid me many
ostentatious attentions；playing her part vehemently for the very
purpose of not changing it。 During breakfast she showed me a thousand
civilities； humiliating attentions； caring for me as though I were a
sick man whose fate she pitied。
〃You were out walking early；〃 said the count； 〃I hope you have brought
back a good appetite； you whose stomach is not yet destroyed。〃
This remark； which brought the smile of a sister to Henriette's lips；
completed my sense of the ridicule of my position。 It was impossible
to be at Clochegourde by day and Saint…Cyr by night。 During the day I
felt how difficult it was to become the friend of a woman we have long
loved。 The transition； easy enough when years have brought it about；
is like an illness in youth。 I was ashamed； I cursed the pleasure Lady
Dudley gave me； I wished that Henriette would demand my blood。 I could
not tear her rival in pieces before her； for she avoided speaking of
her； indeed； had I spoken of Arabella； Henriette； noble and sublime to
the inmost recesses of her heart； would have despised my infamy。 After
five years of delightful intercourse we now had nothing to say to each
other； our words had no connection with our thoughts； we were hiding
from each other our intolerable pain；we； whose mutual sufferings had
been our first interpreter。
Henriette assumed a cheerful look for