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the lily of the valley-第61章

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〃She is not in Tours;〃 continued the count。



〃She is not divorced; and she can go back to England。 Her husband

would be very glad if she would return to him;〃 I said; eagerly。



〃Has she children?〃 asked Madame de Mortsauf; in a changed voice。



〃Two sons;〃 I replied。



〃Where are they?〃



〃In England; with their father。〃



〃Come; Felix;〃 interposed the count; 〃be frank; is she as handsome as

they say?〃



〃How can you ask him such a question?〃 cried the countess。 〃Is not the

woman you love always the handsomest of women?〃



〃Yes; always;〃 I said; firmly; with a glance which she could not

sustain。



〃You are a happy fellow;〃 said the count; 〃yes; a very happy one。 Ha!

in my young days; I should have gone mad over such a conquest〃



〃Hush!〃 said Madame de Mortsauf; reminding the count of Madeleine by a

look。



〃I am not a child;〃 he said。



When we left the table I followed the countess to the terrace。 When we

were alone she exclaimed; 〃How is it possible that some women can

sacrifice their children to a man? Wealth; position; the world; I can

conceive of; eternity? yes; possibly; but children! deprive one's self

of one's children!〃



〃Yes; and such women would give even more if they had it; they

sacrifice everything。〃



The world was suddenly reversed before her; her ideas became confused。

The grandeur of that thought struck her; a suspicion entered her mind

that sacrifice; immolation justified happiness; the echo of her own

inward cry for love came back to her; she stood dumb in presence of

her wasted life。 Yes; for a moment horrible doubts possessed her; then

she rose; grand and saintly; her head erect。



〃Love her well; Felix;〃 she said; with tears in her eyes; 〃she shall

be my happy sister。 I will forgive her the harm she has done me if she

gives you what you could not have here。 You are right; I have never

told you that I loved you; and I never have loved you as the world

loves。 But if she is a mother how can she love you so?〃



〃Dear saint;〃 I answered; 〃I must be less moved than I am now; before

I can explain to you how it is that you soar victoriously above her。

She is a woman of earth; the daughter of decaying races; you are the

child of heaven; an angel worthy of worship; you have my heart; she my

flesh only。 She knows this and it fills her with despair; she would

change parts with you even though the cruellest martyrdom were the

price of the change。 But all is irremediable。 To you the soul; to you

the thoughts; the love that is pure; to you youth and old age; to her

the desires and joys of passing passion; to you remembrance forever;

to her oblivion〃



〃Tell me; tell me that again; oh; my friend!〃 she turned to a bench

and sat down; bursting into tears。 〃If that be so; Felix; virtue;

purity of life; a mother's love; are not mistakes。 Oh; pour that balm

upon my wounds! Repeat the words which bear me back to heaven; where

once I longed to rise with you。 Bless me by a look; by a sacred word;

I forgive you for the sufferings you have caused me the last two

months。〃



〃Henriette; there are mysteries in the life of men of which you know

nothing。 I met you at an age when the feelings of the heart stifle the

desires implanted in our nature; but many scenes; the memory of which

will kindle my soul to the hour of death; must have told you that this

age was drawing to a close; and it was your constant triumph still to

prolong its mute delights。 A love without possession is maintained by

the exasperation of desire; but there comes a moment when all is

suffering within usfor in this we have no resemblance to you。 We

possess a power we cannot abdicate; or we cease to be men。 Deprived of

the nourishment it needs; the heart feeds upon itself; feeling an

exhaustion which is not death; but which precedes it。 Nature cannot

long be silenced; some trifling accident awakens it to a violence that

seems like madness。 No; I have not loved; but I have thirsted in the

desert。〃



〃The desert!〃 she said bitterly; pointing to the valley。 〃Ah!〃 she

exclaimed; 〃how he reasons! what subtle distinctions! Faithful hearts

are not so learned。〃



〃Henriette;〃 I said; 〃do not quarrel with me for a chance expression。

No; my soul has not vacillated; but I have not been master of my

senses。 That woman is not ignorant that you are the only one I ever

loved。 She plays a secondary part in my life; she knows it and is

resigned。 I have the right to leave her as men leave courtesans。〃



〃And then?〃



〃She tells me that she will kill herself;〃 I answered; thinking that

this resolve would startle Henriette。 But when she heard it a

disdainful smile; more expressive than the thoughts it conveyed;

flickered on her lips。 〃My dear conscience;〃 I continued; 〃if you

would take into account my resistance and the seductions that led to

my fall you would understand the fatal〃



〃Yes; fatal!〃 she cried。 〃I believed in you too much。 I believed you

capable of the virtue a priest practises。 All is over;〃 she continued;

after a pause。 〃I owe you much; my friend; you have extinguished in me

the fires of earthly life。 The worst of the way is over; age is coming

on。 I am ailing now; soon I may be ill; I can never be the brilliant

fairy who showers you with favors。 Be faithful to Lady Dudley。

Madeleine; whom I was training to be yours; ah! who will have her now?

Poor Madeleine; poor Madeleine!〃 she repeated; like the mournful

burden of a song。 〃I would you had heard her say to me when you came:

'Mother; you are not kind to Felix!' Dear creature!〃



She looked at me in the warm rays of the setting sun as they glided

through the foliage。 Seized with compassion for the shipwreck of our

lives she turned back to memories of our pure past; yielding to

meditations which were mutual。 We were silent; recalling past scenes;

our eyes went from the valley to the fields; from the windows of

Clochegourde to those of Frapesle; peopling the dream with my

bouquets; the fragrant language of our desires。 It was her last hour

of pleasure; enjoyed with the purity of her Catholic soul。 This scene;

so grand to each of us; cast its melancholy on both。 She believed my

words; and saw where I placed herin the skies。



〃My friend;〃 she said; 〃I obey God; for his hand is in all this。〃



I did not know until much later the deep meaning of her words。 We

slowly returned up the terraces。 She took my arm and leaned upon it

resignedly; bleeding still; but with a bandage on her wound。



〃Human life is thus;〃 she said。 〃What had Monsieur de Mortsauf done to

deserve his fate? It proves the existence of a better world。 Alas; for

those who walk in happier ways!〃



She went on; estimating life so truly; considering its diverse aspects

so profoundly that these cold judgments revealed to me the disgust

that had come upon her for all things here below。 When we reached the

portico she dropped my arm and said these last words: 〃If God has

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