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fires of heaven were visiting these faithful servants of God as they
knelt there without distinction of rank； in the equality which heaven
demands。 Thinking back to the days of the patriarchs my mind still
further magnified this scene； so grand in its simplicity。
The children said good…night； the servants bowed； the countess went
away holding a child by each hand； and I returned to the salon with
the count。
〃We provide you with salvation there； and hell here；〃 he said；
pointing to the backgammon…board。
The countess returned in half an hour； and brought her frame near the
table。
〃This is for you；〃 she said； unrolling the canvas； 〃but for the last
three months it has languished。 Between that rose and this heartsease
my poor child was ill。〃
〃Come； come；〃 said Monsieur de Mortsauf； 〃don't talk of that any more。
Sixfive； emissary of the king！〃
When alone in my room I hushed my breathing that I might hear her
passing to and fro in hers。 She was calm and pure； but I was lashed
with maddening ideas。 〃Why should she not be mine？〃 I thought；
〃perhaps she is； like me； in this whirlwind of agitation。〃 At one
o'clock； I went down； walking noiselessly； and lay before her door。
With my ear pressed to a chink I could hear her equable； gentle
breathing； like that of a child。 When chilled to the bone I went back
to bed and slept tranquilly till morning。 I know not what prenatal
influence； what nature within me； causes the delight I take in going
to the brink of precipices； sounding the gulf of evil； seeking to know
its depths； feeling its icy chill； and retreating in deep emotion。
That hour of night passed on the threshold of her door where I wept
with rage；though she never knew that on the morrow her foot had trod
upon my tears and kisses； on her virtue first destroyed and then
respected； cursed and adored；that hour； foolish in the eyes of many；
was nevertheless an inspiration of the same mysterious impulse which
impels the soldier。 Many have told me they have played their lives
upon it； flinging themselves before a battery to know if they could
escape the shot； happy in thus galloping into the abyss of
probabilities； and smoking like Jean Bart upon the gunpowder。
The next day I went to gather flowers and made two bouquets。 The count
admired them； though generally nothing of the kind appealed to him。
The clever saying of Champcenetz； 〃He builds dungeons in Spain；〃
seemed to have been made for him。
I spent several days at Clochegourde； going but seldom to Frapesle；
where； however； I dined three times。 The French army now occupied
Tours。 Though my presence was health and strength to Madame de
Mortsauf； she implored me to make my way to Chateauroux； and so round
by Issoudun and Orleans to Paris with what haste I could。 I tried to
resist； but she commanded me； saying that my guardian angel spoke。 I
obeyed。 Our farewell was； this time； dim with tears； she feared the
allurements of the life I was about to live。 Is it not a serious thing
to enter the maelstrom of interests； passions； and pleasures which
make Paris a dangerous ocean for chaste love and purity of conscience？
I promised to write to her every night； relating the events and
thoughts of the day； even the most trivial。 When I gave the promise
she laid her head on my shoulder and said： 〃Leave nothing out；
everything will interest me。〃
She gave me letters for the duke and duchess； which I delivered the
second day after my return。
〃You are in luck；〃 said the duke； 〃dine here to…day； and go with me
this evening to the Chateau； your fortune is made。 The king spoke of
you this morning； and said； 'He is young； capable； and trustworthy。'
His Majesty added that he wished he knew whether you were living or
dead； and in what part of France events had thrown you after you had
executed your mission so ably。〃
That night I was appointed master of petitions to the council of
State； and I also received a private and permanent place in the
employment of Louis XVIII。 himself；a confidential position； not
highly distinguished； but without any risks； a position which put me
at the very heart of the government and has been the source of all my
subsequent prosperity。 Madame de Mortsauf had judged rightly。 I now
owed everything to her； power and wealth； happiness and knowledge； she
guided and encouraged me； purified my heart； and gave to my will that
unity of purpose without which the powers of youth are wasted。 Later I
had a colleague； we each served six months。 We were allowed to supply
each other's place if necessary； we had rooms at the Chateau； a
carriage； and large allowances for travelling when absent on missions。
Strange position！ We were the secret disciples of a monarch in a
policy to which even his enemies have since done signal justice； alone
with us he gave judgment on all things； foreign and domestic； yet we
had no legitimate influence； often we were consulted like Laforet by
Moliere； and made to feel that the hesitations of long experience were
confirmed or removed by the vigorous perceptions of youth。
In other respects my future was secured in a manner to satisfy
ambition。 Beside my salary as master of petitions； paid by the budget
of the council of State； the king gave me a thousand francs a month
from his privy purse； and often himself added more to it。 Though the
king knew well that no young man of twenty…three could long bear up
under the labors with which he loaded me； my colleague； now a peer of
France； was not appointed till August； 1817。 The choice was a
difficult one； our functions demanded so many capabilities that the
king was long in coming to a decision。 He did me the honor to ask
which of the young men among whom he was hesitating I should like for
an associate。 Among them was one who had been my school…fellow at
Lepitre's； I did not select him。 His Majesty asked why。
〃The king；〃 I replied； 〃chooses men who are equally faithful； but
whose capabilities differ。 I choose the one whom I think the most
able； certain that I shall always be able to get on with him。〃
My judgment coincided with that of the king； who was pleased with the
sacrifice I had made。 He said on this occasion； 〃You are to be the
chief〃； and he related these circumstances to my colleague； who
became； in return for the service I had done him； my good friend。 The
consideration shown to me by the Duc de Lenoncourt set the tone of
that which I met with in society。 To have it said； 〃The king takes an
interest in the young man； that young man has a future； the king likes
him；〃 would have served me in place of talents； and it now gave to the
kindly welcome accorded to youth a certain respect that is only given
to power。 In the salon of the Duchesse de Lenoncourt and also at the
house of my sister who had just married the Marquis de Listomere； son
of the old lady in the Ile St。 Louis； I gradually came to know the
influential personages of the Faubourg St。 Germai