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uld not help being struck by the dreadful carelessness with which people are admitted into England。 There are； it is true； a group of officials said to be in charge of immigration； but they know nothing of the discriminating care exercised on the other side of the Atlantic。
〃Do you want to know；〃 I asked one of them； 〃whether I am a polygamist？〃
〃No； sir；〃 he said very quietly。
〃Would you like me to tell you whether I am fundamentally opposed to any and every system of government？〃
The man seemed mystified。 〃No； sir；〃 he said。 〃I don't know that I would。〃
〃Don't you care？〃 I asked。
〃Well； not particularly； sir；〃 he answered。
I was determined to arouse him from his lethargy。
〃Let me tell you； then；〃 I said； 〃that I am an anarchistic polygamist； that I am opposed to all forms of government； that I object to any kind of revealed religion； that I regard the state and property and marriage as the mere tyranny of the bourgeoisie； and that I want to see class hatred carried to the point where it forces every one into brotherly love。 Now； do I get in ？〃
The official looked puzzled for a minute。 〃You are not Irish； are you； sir？〃 he said。
〃No。〃
〃Then I think you can come in all right。〃 he answered。
The journey from Liverpool to London； like all other English journeys； is short。 This is due to the fact that England is a small country： it contains only 50；000 square miles； whereas the United States； as every one knows； contains three and a half billion。 I mentioned this fact to an English fellow passenger on the train； together with a provisional estimate of the American corn crop for 1922： but he only drew his rug about his knees； took a sip of brandy from his travelling flask； and sank into a state resembling death。 I contented myself with jotting down an impression of incivility and paid no further attention to my fellow traveller other than to read the labels on his lug gage and to peruse the headings of his newspaper by peeping over his shoulder。
It was my first experience of travelling with a fellow passenger in a compartment of an English train； and I admit now that I was as yet ignorant of the proper method of conduct。 Later on I became fully conversant with the rule of travel as understood in England。 I should have known； of course； that I must on no account speak to the man。 But I should have let down the window a little bit in such a way as to make a strong draught on his ear。 Had this failed to break down his reserve I should have placed a heavy valise in the rack over his head so balanced that it might fall on him at any moment。 Failing this again； I could have blown rings of smoke at him or stepped on his feet under the pretence of looking out of the window。 Under the English rule as long as he bears this in silence you are not supposed to know him。 In fact； he is not supposed to be there。 You and he each presume the other to be a mere piece of empty space。 But let him once be driven to say； 〃Oh； I beg your pardon； I wonder if you would mind my closing the window；〃 and he is lost。 After that you are entitled to tell him anything about the corn crop that you care to。
But in the present case I knew nothing of this； and after three hours of charming silence I found myself in London。
II。 I Am Interviewed by the Press
IMMEDIATELY upon my arrival in London I was interviewed by the Press。 I was interviewed in all twenty times。 I am not saying this in any spirit of elation or boastfulness。 I am simply stating it as a factinterviewed twenty times； sixteen times by men and twice by women。 But as I feel that the results of these interviews were not all that I could have wished； I think it well to make some public explanation of what happened。
The truth is that we do this thing so differently over in America that I was for the time being completely thrown off my bearings。 The questions that I had every right to expect after many years of American and Canadian interviews failed to appear。
I pass over the fact that being interviewed for five hours is a fatiguing process。 I lay no claim to exemption for that。 But to that no doubt was due the singular discrepancies as to my physical appearance which I detected in the London papers。
The young man who interviewed me immediately after breakfast described me as 〃a brisk； energetic man； still on the right side of forty； with energy in every movement。〃
The lady who wrote me up at 11。30 reported that my hair was turning grey； and that there was 〃a peculiar languor〃 in my manner。
And at the end the boy who took me over at a quarter to two said； 〃The old gentleman sank wearily upon a chair in the hotel lounge。 His hair is almost white。〃
The trouble is that I had not understood that London reporters are supposed to look at a man's personal appearance。 In America we never bother with that。 We simply describe him as a 〃dynamo。〃 For some reason or other it always pleases everybody to be called a 〃dynamo；〃 and the readers； at least with us； like to read about people who are 〃dynamos；〃 and hardly care for anything else。
In the case of very old men we sometimes call them 〃battle…horses〃 or 〃extinct volcanoes；〃 but beyond these three classes we hardly venture on description。 So I was misled。 I had expected that the reporter would say： 〃As soon as Mr。 Leacock came across the floor we felt we were in the presence of a 'dynamo' （or an 'extinct battle…horse' as the case may be）。〃 Otherwise I would have kept up those energetic movements all the morning。 But they fatigue me； and I did not think them necessary。 But I let that pass。
The more serious trouble was the questions put to me by the reporters。 Over in our chief centres of population we use another set altogether。 I am thinking here especially of the kind of interview that I have given out in Youngstown； Ohio； and Richmond； Indiana； and Peterborough； Ontario。 In all these placesfor example； in Youngstown； Ohiothe reporter asks as his first question； 〃What is your impression of Youngstown？〃
In London they don't。 They seem indifferent to the fate of their city。 Perhaps it is only English pride。 For all I know they may have been burning to know this； just as the Youngstown； Ohio； people are； and were too proud to ask。 In any case I will insert here the answer I had written out in my pocket…book （one copy for each paperthe way we do it in Youngstown）； and which read：
〃London strikes me as emphatically a city with a future。 Standing as she does in the heart of a rich agricultural district with railroad connection in all directions； and resting； as she must； on a bed of coal and oil； I prophesy that she will one day be a great city。〃
The advantage of this is that it enables the reporter to get just the right kind of heading： PROPHESIES BRIGHT FUTURE FOR LONDON。 Had that been used my name would have stood higher there than it does to…dayunless the London people are very different from the people in Youngstown； which I doubt。 As it is they don't know whether their future is bright or is as dark as mud。 But it's not my fault。 The reporters never asked me。
If the first question had been handled properly it would have led up by an easy and pleasant transition to question two； which