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OUSE CONGRESSMAN BLOWS OUT BRAINS IN HOTEL。 After the heading HOME AND GENERAL INTELLIGENCE the English paper runs the subheading INCIDENT AT THE GRAND HOTEL。 The reader still doesn't know what happened； he isn't meant to。 Then the article begins like this：
〃The Grand Hotel； which is situated at the corner of Millbank and Victoria Streets； was the scene last night of a distressing incident。〃
〃What is it？〃 thinks the reader。 〃The hotel itself； which is an old Georgian structure dating probably from about 1750； is a quiet establishment； its clientele mainly drawn from business men in the cattle…droving and distillery business from South Wales。〃
〃What happened？〃 thinks the reader。
〃Its cuisine has long been famous for the excellence of its boiled shrimps。〃
〃What happened？〃
〃While the hotel itself is also known as the meeting place of the Surbiton Harmonic Society and other associations。〃
〃What happened？〃
〃Among the more prominent of the guests of the hotel has been numbered during the present Parliamentary session Mr。 Llewylln Ap。 Jones； M。P。； for South Llanfydd。 Mr。 Jones apparently came to his room last night at about ten P。M。； and put on his carpet slippers and his blue dressing gown。 He then seems to have gone to the cupboard and taken from it a whisky bottle which however proved to be empty。 The unhappy gentleman then apparently went to bed 。 。 。〃
At that point the American reader probably stops reading； thinking that he has heard it all。 The unhappy man found that the bottle was empty and went to bed： very natural： and the affair very properly called a 〃distressing incident〃： quite right。 But the trained English reader would know that there was more to come and that the air of quiet was only assumed； and he would read on and on until at last the tragic interest heightened； the four shots were fired； with a good long pause after each for discussion of the path of the bullet through Mr。 Ap。 Jones。
I am not saying that either the American way or the British way is the better。 They are just two different ways； that's all。 But the result is that anybody from the United States or Canada reading the English papers gets the impression that nothing is happening： and an English reader of our newspapers with us gets the idea that the whole place is in a tumult。
When I was in London I used always； in glancing at the morning papers； to get a first impression that the whole world was almost asleep。 There was； for example； a heading called INDIAN INTELLIGENCE that showed； on close examination； that two thousand Parsees had died of the blue plague； that a powder boat had blown up at Bombay； that some one had thrown a couple of bombs at one of the provincial governors； and that four thousand agitators had been sentenced to twenty years hard labour each。 But the whole thing was just called 〃Indian Intelligence。〃 Similarly； there was a little item called； 〃Our Chinese Correspondent。〃 That one explained ten lines down； in very small type； that a hundred thousand Chinese had been drowned in a flood。 And there was another little item labelled 〃Foreign Gossip；〃 under which was mentioned that the Pope was dead； and that the President of Paraguay had been assassinated。
In short； I got the impression that I was living in an easy drowsy world； as no doubt the editor meant me to。 It was only when the Montreal Star arrived by post that I felt that the world was still revolving pretty rapidly on its axis and that there was still something doing。
As with the world news so it is with the minor events of ordinary life；birth； death； marriage； accidents； crime。 Let me give an illustration。 Suppose that in a suburb of London a housemaid has endeavoured to poison her employer's family by putting a drug in the coffee。 Now on our side of the water we should write that little incident up in a way to give it life； and put headings over it that would capture the reader's attention in a minute。 We should begin it thus：
PRETTY PARLOR MAID DEALS DEATH…DRINK TO CLUBMAN'S FAMILY
The English reader would ask at once； how do we know that the parlor maid is pretty？ We don't。 But our artistic sense tells us that she ought to be。 Pretty parlor maids are the only ones we take any interest in： if an ugly parlor maid poisoned her employer's family we should hang her。 Then again； the English reader would say； how do we know that the man is a clubman？ Have we ascertained this fact definitely； and if so； of what club or clubs is he a member？ Well； we don't know； except in so far as the thing is self…evident。 Any man who has romance enough in his life to be poisoned by a pretty housemaid ought to be in a club。 That's the place for him。 In fact； with us the word club man doesn't necessarily mean a man who belongs to a club： it is defined as a man who is arrested in a gambling den； or fined for speeding a motor or who shoots another person in a hotel corridor。 Therefore this man must be a club man。 Having settled the heading； we go on with the text：
〃Brooding over love troubles which she has hitherto refused to divulge under the most grilling fusillade of rapid…fire questions shot at her by the best brains of the New York police force； Miss Mary De Forrest； a handsome brunette thirty…six inches around the hips； employed as a parlor maid in the residence of Mr。 Spudd Bung； a well…known clubman forty…two inches around the chest； was arrested yesterday by the flying squad of the emergency police after having； so it is alleged； put four ounces of alleged picrate of potash into the alleged coffee of her employer's family's alleged breakfast at their residence on Hudson Heights in the most fashionable quarter of the metropolis。 Dr。 Slink； the leading fashionable practitioner of the neighbourhood who was immediately summoned said that but for his own extraordinary dexterity and promptness the death of the whole family； if not of the entire entourage； was a certainty。 The magistrate in committing Miss De Forrest for trial took occasion to enlarge upon her youth and attractive appearance： he castigated the moving pictures severely and said that he held them together with the public school system and the present method of doing the hair； directly responsible for the crimes of the kind alleged。〃
Now when you read this over you begin to feel that something big has happened。 Here is a man like Dr。 Slink； all quivering with promptness and dexterity。 Here is an inserted picture； a photograph； a brick house in a row marked with a cross （＋） and labelled 〃The Bung Residence as。 it appeared immediately after the alleged outrage。〃 It isn't really。 It is just a photograph that we use for this sort of thing and have grown to like。 It is called sometimes：〃Residence of Senator Borah〃 or 〃Scene of the Recent Spiritualistic Manifestations〃 or anything of the sort。 As long as it is marked with a cross （＋） the reader will look at it with interest。
In other words we make something out of an occurrence like this。 It doesn't matter if it all fades out afterwards when it appears that Mary De Forrest merely put ground allspice into the coffee in mistake for powdered sugar and that the family didn't drink it anyway。 The reader has already turned