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〃It won't be much trouble； I assure you。 Talk any rot you like to
her； as long as you sit by her and talk。 You're a doctor； too； try
curing her of something。 I swear you won't regret it。 She has a piano；
and you know； I strum a little。 I have a song there； a genuine Russian
one： 'I shed hot tears。' She likes the genuine article… and well； it
all began with that song； Now you're a regular performer； a maitre；
a Rubinstein。。。。 I assure you； you won't regret it！〃
〃But have you made her some promise？ Something signed？ A promise
of marriage； perhaps？〃
〃Nothing； nothing； absolutely nothing of the kind！ Besides she is
not that sort at all。。。。 Tchebarov tried that。。。。〃
〃Well； then； drop her！〃
〃But I can't drop her like that！〃
〃Why can't you？〃
〃Well； I can't； that's all about it！ There's an element of
attraction here； brother。〃
〃Then why have you fascinated her？〃
〃I haven't fascinated her； perhaps； I was fascinated myself in my
folly。 But she won't care a straw whether it's you or I； so long as
somebody sits beside her； sighing。。。。 I can't explain the position；
brother。。。 look here； you are good at mathematics； and working at it
now。。。 begin teaching her the integral calculus； upon my soul； I'm not
joking。 I'm in earnest； it'll be just the same to her。 She will gaze
at you and sigh for a whole year together。 I talked to her once for
two days at a time about the Prussian House of Lords （for one must
talk of something）… she just sighed and perspired！ And you mustn't
talk of love… she's bashful to hysterics… but just let her see you
can't tear yourself away… that's enough。 It's fearfully comfortable；
you're quite at home； you can read； sit； lie about； write。 You may
even venture on a kiss； if you're careful。〃
〃But what do I want with her？〃
〃Ach； I can't make you understand！ You see； you are made for each
other！ I have often been reminded of you！。。。 You'll come to it in
the end！ So does it matter whether it's sooner or later？ There's the
featherbed element here； brother；… ach！ and not only that！ There's
an attraction here… here you have the end of the world； an
anchorage； a quiet haven； the navel of the earth； the three fishes
that are the foundation of the world； the essence of pancakes； of
savoury fish…pies； of the evening samovar； of soft sighs and warm
shawls； and hot stoves to sleep on… as snug as though you were dead；
and yet you're alive… the advantages of both at once！ Well； hang it；
brother； what stuff I'm talking； it's bedtime！ Listen。 I sometimes
wake up at night； so I'll go in and look at him。 But there's no
need； it's all right。 Don't you worry yourself； yet if you like； you
might just look in once； too。 But if you notice anything； delirium
or fever… wake me at once。 But there can't be。。。。〃
Chapter Two
RAZUMIHIN waked up next morning at eight o'clock； troubled and
serious。 He found himself confronted with many new and unlooked…for
perplexities。 He had never expected that he would ever wake up feeling
like that。 He remembered every detail of the previous day and he
knew that a perfectly novel experience had befallen him； that he had
received an impression unlike anything he had known before。 At the
same time he recognised clearly that the dream which had fired his
imagination was hopelessly unattainable… so unattainable that he
felt positively ashamed of it； and he hastened to pass to the other
more practical cares and difficulties bequeathed him by that 〃thrice
accursed yesterday。〃
The most awful recollection of the previous day was the way he had
shown himself 〃base and mean；〃 not only because he had been drunk； but
because he had taken advantage of the young girl's position to abuse
her fiance in his stupid jealousy； knowing nothing of their mutual
relations and obligations and next to nothing of the man himself。
And what right had he to criticise him in that hasty and unguarded
manner？ Who had asked for his opinion！ Was it thinkable that such a
creature as Avdotya Romanovna would be marrying an unworthy man for
money？ So there must be something in him。 The lodgings？ But after
all how could he know the character of the lodgings？ He was furnishing
a flat。。。 Foo； how despicable it all was！ And what justification was
it that he was drunk？ Such a stupid excuse was even more degrading！ In
wine is truth； and the truth had all come out； 〃that is； all the
uncleanness of his coarse and envious heart！〃 And would such a dream
ever be permissible to him； Razumihin？ What was he beside such a girl…
he； the drunken noisy braggart of last night？ 〃Was it possible to
imagine so absurd and cynical a juxtaposition？〃 Razumihin blushed
desperately at the very idea and suddenly the recollection forced
itself vividly upon him of how he had said last night on the stairs
that the landlady would be jealous of Avdotya Romanovna。。。 that was
simply intolerable。 He brought his fist down heavily on the kitchen
stove； hurt his hand and sent one of the bricks flying。
〃Of course；〃 he muttered to himself a minute later with a feeling of
self…abasement； 〃of course； all these infamies can never be wiped
out or smoothed over。。。 and so it's useless even to think of it； and I
must go to them in silence and do my duty。。。 in silence； too。。。。 and
not ask forgiveness； and say nothing。。。 for all is lost now！〃
And yet as he dressed he examined his attire more carefully than
usual。 He hadn't another suit… if he had had； perhaps he wouldn't have
put it on。 〃I would have made a point of not putting it on。〃 But in
any case he could not remain a cynic and a dirty sloven； he had no
right to offend the feelings of others； especially when they were in
need of his assistance and asking him to see them。 He brushed his
clothes car