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〃Let us go； mother；〃 said Avdotya Romanovna； 〃he will certainly do
what he has promised。 He has saved Rodya already； and if the doctor
really will consent to spend the night here； what could be better？〃
〃You see； you。。。 you。。。 understand me； because you are an angel！〃
Razumihin cried in ecstasy； 〃let us go！ Nastasya！ Fly upstairs and sit
with him with a light； I'll come in a quarter of an hour。〃
Though Pulcheria Alexandrovna was not perfectly convinced； she
made no further resistance。 Razumihin gave an arm to each and drew
them down the stairs。 He still made her uneasy； as though he was
competent and good…natured； was he capable of carrying out his
promise？ He seemed in such a condition。。。。
〃Ah； I see you think I am in such a condition！〃 Razumihin broke in
upon her thoughts； guessing them； as he strolled along the pavement
with huge steps； so that the two ladies could hardly keep up with him；
a fact he did not observe； however。 〃Nonsense！ That is。。。 I am drunk
like a fool； but that's not it； I am not drunk from wine。 It's
seeing you has turned my head。。。 But don't mind me！ Don't take any
notice： I am talking nonsense； I am not worthy of you。。。 I am
utterly unworthy of you！ The minute I've taken you home； I'll pour a
couple of pailfuls of water over my head in the gutter here； and
then I shall be all right。。。 If only you knew how I love you both！
Don't laugh； and don't be angry！ You may be angry with any one； but
not with me！ I am his friend； and therefore I am your friend； too； I
want to be。。。 I had a presentiment。。。 Last year there was a
moment。。。 though it wasn't a presentiment really； for you seem to have
fallen from heaven。 And I expect I shan't sleep all night。。。
Zossimov was afraid a little time ago that he would go mad。。。 that's
why he mustn't be irritated。〃
〃What do you say？〃 cried the mother。
〃Did the doctor really say that？〃 asked Avdotya Romanovna； alarmed。
〃Yes； but it's not so； not a bit of it。 He gave him some medicine； a
powder； I saw it； and then your coming here。。。。 Ah！ It would have been
better if you had come to…morrow。 It's a good thing we went away。
And in an hour Zossimov himself will report to you about everything。
He is not drunk！ And I shan't be drunk。。。 And what made me get so
tight？ Because they got me into an argument； damn them！ I've sworn
never to argue！ They talk such trash！ I almost came to blows！ I've
left my uncle to preside。 Would you believe； they insist on complete
absence of individualism and that's just what they relish！ Not to be
themselves； to be as unlike themselves as they can。 That's what they
regard as the highest point of progress。 If only their nonsense were
their own； but as it is。。。〃
〃Listen！〃 Pulcheria Alexandrovna interrupted timidly； but it only
added fuel to the flames。
〃What do you think？〃 shouted Razumihin； louder than ever； 〃you think
I am attacking them for talking nonsense？ Not a bit！ I like them to
talk nonsense。 That's man's one privilege over all creation。 Through
error you come to the truth！ I am a man because I err！ You never reach
any truth without making fourteen mistakes and very likely a hundred
and fourteen。 And a fine thing； too； in its way； but we can't even
make mistakes on our own account！ Talk nonsense； but talk your own
nonsense； and I'll kiss you for it。 To go wrong in one's own way is
better than to go right in some one else's。 In the first case you
are a man； in the second you're no better than a bird。 Truth won't
escape you； but life can be cramped。 There have been examples。 And
what are we doing now？ In science； development； thought； invention；
ideals； aims； liberalism； judgment； experience and everything；
everything； everything； we are still in the preparatory class at
school。 We prefer to live on other people's ideas； it's what we are
used to！ Am I right； am I right？〃 cried Razumihin； pressing and
shaking the two ladies' hands。
〃Oh； mercy； I do not know；〃 cried poor Pulcheria Alexandrovna。
〃Yes； yes。。。 though I don't agree with you in everything；〃 added
Avdotya Romanovna earnestly and at once uttered a cry； for he squeezed
her hand so painfully。
〃Yes； you say yes。。。 well after that you。。。 you。。。〃 he cried in a
transport； 〃you are a fount of goodness； purity； sense。。。 and
perfection。 Give me your hand。。。 you give me yours； too！ I want to
kiss your hands here at once； on my knees。。。〃 and he fell on his knees
on the pavement； fortunately at that time deserted。
〃Leave off； I entreat you； what are you doing？〃 Pulcheria
Alexandrovna cried； greatly distressed。
〃Get up； get up！〃 said Dounia laughing； though she； too； was upset。
〃Not for anything till you let me kiss your hands！ That's it！
Enough！ I get up and we'll go on！ I am a luckless fool； I am
unworthy of you and drunk。。。 and I am ashamed。。。。 I am not worthy to
love you； but to do homage to you is the duty of every man who is
not a perfect beast！ And I've done homage。。。。 Here are your
lodgings； and for that alone Rodya was right in driving your Pyotr
Petrovitch away。。。。 How dare he！ how dare he put you in such lodgings！
It's a scandal！ Do you know the sort of people they take in here？
And you his betrothed！ You are his betrothed？ Yes； well； then； I'll
tell you； your fiance is a scoundrel。〃
〃Excuse me； Mr。 Razumihin； you are forgetting。。。〃 Pulcheria
Alexandrovna was beginning。
〃Yes； yes； you are right； I did forget myself； I am ashamed of
it；〃 Razumihin made haste to apologise。 〃But。。。 but you can't be angry
with me for speaking so！ For I speak sincerely and not because。。。
hm； hm！ That would be disgraceful； in fact not because I'm in。。。 hm！
Well； anyway I won't say why； I daren't。。。。 But we all saw to…day when
he came in that that man is not of our sort。 Not because he had his
hair curled at the barber's； not because he was in such a hurry to
show his wit； but because he is a spy； a speculator； because he is a
skin…flint and