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Catholicism in England。
Unfortunately； his new faith was founded only on love for a human
being； and when Lady Rens； who was intensely passionate and impulsive；
suddenly threw all her principles to the winds； and ran away with a
Hungarian musician； who had made a furor one season in London by his
magnificent violin…playing； her husband； stricken in his soul； and
also wounded almost to the death in his pride； abandoned abruptly the
religion of the woman who had converted and betrayed him。
Domini was nineteen； and had recently been presented at Court when the
scandal of her mother's escapade shook the town； and changed her
father in a day from one of the happiest to one of the most cynical；
embittered and despairing of men。 She； who had been brought up by both
her parents as a Catholic； who had from her earliest years been
earnestly educated in the beauties of religion； was now exposed to the
almost frantic persuasions of a father who； hating all that he had
formerly loved； abandoning all that； influenced by his faithless wife；
he had formerly clung to； wished to carry his daughter with him into
his new and most miserable way of life。 But Domini； who； with much of
her mother's dark beauty； had inherited much of her quick vehemence
and passion； was also gifted with brains； and with a certain largeness
of temperament and clearness of insight which Lady Rens lacked。 Even
when she was still quivering under the shock and shame of her mother's
guilt and her own solitude； Domini was unable to share her father's
intensely egoistic view of the religion of the culprit。 She could not
be persuaded that the faith in which she had been brought up was
proved to be a sham because one of its professors； whom she had above
all others loved and trusted； had broken away from its teachings and
defied her own belief。 She would not secede with her father； but
remained in the Church of the mother she was never to see again； and
this in spite of extraordinary and dogged efforts on the part of Lord
Rens to pervert her to his own Atheism。 His mind had been so warped by
the agony of his heart that he had come to feel as if by tearing his
only child from the religion he had been led to by the greatest sinner
he had known； he would be； in some degree at least； purifying his life
tarnished by his wife's conduct； raising again a little way the pride
she had trampled in the dust。
Her uncle； Father Arlworth； helped Domini by his support and counsel
in this critical period of her life； and Lord Rens in time ceased from
the endeavour to carry his child with him as companion in his tragic
journey from love and belief to hatred and denial。 He turned to the
violent occupations of despair； and the last years of his life were
hideous enough； as the world knew and Domini sometimes suspected。 But
though Domini had resisted him she was not unmoved or wholly
uninfluenced by her mother's desertion and its effect upon her father。
She remained a Catholic； but she gradually ceased from being a devout
one。 Although she had seemed to stand firm she had in truth been
shaken； if not in her belief； in a more precious thingher love。 She
complied with the ordinances； but felt little of the inner beauty of
her faith。 The effort she had made in withstanding her father's
assault upon it had exhausted her。 Though she had had the strength to
triumph； at the moment； a partial and secret collapse was the price
she had afterwards to pay。 Father Arlworth； who had a subtle
understanding of human nature； noticed that Domini was changed and
slightly hardened by the tragedy she had known； and was not surprised
or shocked。 Nor did he attempt to force her character back into its
former way of beauty。 He knew that to do so would be dangerous； that
Domini's nature required peace in which to become absolutely normal
once again after the shock it had sustained。
When Domini was twenty…one he died； and her safest guide； the one who
understood her best； went from her。 The years passed。 She lived with
her embittered father； and drifted into the unthinking worldliness of
the life of her order。 Her home was far from ideal。 Yet she would not
marry。 The wreck of her parents' domestic life had rendered her
mistrustful of human relations。 She had seen something of the terror
of love； and could not； like other women； regard it as safety and as
sweetness。 So she put it from her； and strove to fill her life with
all those lesser things which men and women grasp； as the Chinese
grasp the opium pipe； those things which lull our comprehension of
realities to sleep。
When Lord Rens died； still blaspheming； and without any of the
consolations of religion； Domini felt the imperious need of change。
She did not grieve actively for the dead man。 In his last years they
had been very far apart； and his death relieved her from the perpetual
contemplation of a tragedy。 Lord Rens had grown to regard his daughter
almost with enmity in his enmity against her mother's religion； which
was hers。 She had come to think of him rather with pity than with
love。 Yet his death was a shock to her。 When he could speak no more；
but only lie still； she remembered suddenly just what he had been
before her mother's flight。 The succeeding period； long though it had
been and ugly； was blotted out。 She wept for the poor； broken life now
ended； and was afraid for his future in the other world。 His departure
into the unknown roused her abruptly to a clear conception of how his
action and her mother's had affected her own character。 As she stood
by his bed she wondered what she might have been if her mother had
been true； her father happy； to the end。 Then she felt afraid of
herself； recognising partially； and for the first time； how all these
years had seen her long indifference。 She felt self…conscious too；
ignorant of the real meaning of life； and as if she had always been；
and still remained； rather a complicated piece of mechanism than a
woman。 A desolate enervation of spirit descended upon her； a sort of
bitter； and yet dull； perplexity。 She began to wonder what she was；
capable of what； of how much good or evil； and to feel sure that she
did not know； had never known or tried to find out。 Once； in this
state of mind； she went to confession。 She came away feeling that she
had just joined with the priest in a farce。 How can a woman who knows
nothing about herself make anything but a worthless confession？ she
thought。 To say what you have done is not always to say what you are。
And only what you are matters eternally。
Presently； still in this perplexity of spirit； she left England with
only her maid as companion。 After a short tour in the south of Europe；
with which she was too familiar； she crossed the sea to Africa； which
she had never seen。 Her destination was Beni…Mora。 She had chosen it
because she liked its name； because she saw on the map that it was an
oasis in the Sahara Desert； because she knew it was small； quiet； yet
face to face with an immensity of which she had often dreamed。 Idly
she fancied that perhaps in the sunny solitude of Beni…Mora； far from
all the friends and reminiscences of her old life； she might learn to
und