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she said； and more anxious to be alone； than to be mistress of the
subject。
How she should begin—how she should express herself in her
note to Edward； was now all her concern。 The particular
circumstances between them made a difficulty of that which to
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any other person would have been the easiest thing in the world；
but she equally feared to say too much or too little； and sat
deliberating over her paper； with the pen in her band； till broken
in on by the entrance of Edward himself。
He had met Mrs。 Jennings at the door in her way to the
carriage； as he came to leave his farewell card； and she； after
apologising for not returning herself； had obliged him to enter； by
saying that Miss Dashwood was above； and wanted to speak with
him on very particular business。
Elinor had just been congratulating herself； in the midst of her
perplexity； that however difficult it might be to express herself
properly by letter； it was at least preferable to giving the
information by word of mouth； when her visitor entered； to force
her upon this greatest exertion of all。 Her astonishment and
confusion were very great on his so sudden appearance。 She had
not seen him before since his engagement became public； and
therefore not since his knowing her to be acquainted with it；
which； with the consciousness of what she had been thinking of；
and what she had to tell him； made her feel particularly
uncomfortable for some minutes。 He too was much distressed； and
they sat down together in a most promising state of
embarrassment。—Whether he had asked her pardon for his
intrusion on first coming into the room； he could not recollect； but
determining to be on the safe side； he made his apology in form as
soon as he could say any thing； after taking a chair。
“Mrs。 Jennings told me；” said he； “that you wished to speak
with me； at least I understood her so—or I certainly should not
have intruded on you in such a manner； though at the same time； I
should have been extremely sorry to leave London without seeing
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you and your sister； especially as it will most likely be some time—
it is not probable that I should soon have the pleasure of meeting
you again。 I go to Oxford tomorrow。”
“You would not have gone； however；” said Elinor； recovering
herself； and determined to get over what she so much dreaded as
soon as possible； “without receiving our good wishes； even if we
had not been able to give them in person。 Mrs。 Jennings was quite
right in what she said。 I have something of consequence to inform
you of； which I was on the point of communicating by paper。 I am
charged with a most agreeable office （breathing rather faster than
usual as she spoke。） Colonel Brandon； who was here only ten
minutes ago； has desired me to say； that understanding you mean
to take orders； he has great pleasure in offering you the living of
Delaford now just vacant； and only wishes it were more valuable。
Allow me to congratulate you on having so respectable and well…
judging a friend； and to join in his wish that the living—it is about
two hundred a…year—were much more considerable； and such as
might better enable you to—as might be more than a temporary
accommodation to yourself—such； in short； as might establish all
your views of happiness。”
What Edward felt； as he could not say it himself； it cannot be
expected that any one else should say for him。 He looked all the
astonishment which such unexpected； such unthought…of
information could not fail of exciting； but he said only these two
words；
“Colonel Brandon！”
“Yes；” continued Elinor； gathering more resolution； as some of
the worst was over； “Colonel Brandon means it as a testimony of
his concern for what has lately passed—for the cruel situation in
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which the unjustifiable conduct of your family has placed you—a
concern which I am sure Marianne； myself； and all your friends；
must share； and likewise as a proof of his high esteem for your
general character； and his particular approbation of your
behaviour on the present occasion。”
“Colonel Brandon give me a living！—Can it be possible？”
“The unkindness of your own relations has made you
astonished to find friendship any where。”
“No；” replied be； with sudden consciousness； “not to find it in
you； for I cannot be ignorant that to you； to your goodness； I owe it
all。—I feel it—I would express it if I could—but； as you well know；
I am no orator。”
“You are very much mistaken。 I do assure you that you owe it
entirely； at least almost entirely； to your own merit； and Colonel
Brandon’s discernment of it。 I have had no hand in it。 I did not
even know； till I understood his design； that the living was vacant；
nor had it ever occurred to me that he might have had such a
living in his gift。 As a friend of mine； of my family； he may；
perhaps—indeed I know he has； still greater pleasure in bestowing
it； but； upon my word； you owe nothing to my solicitation。”
Truth obliged her to acknowledge some small share in the
action； but she was at the same time so unwilling to appear as the
benefactress of Edward； that she acknowledged it with hesitation；
which probably contributed to fix that suspicion in his mind which
had recently entered it。 For a short time he sat deep in thought；
after Elinor had ceased to speak；—at last； and as if it were rather
an effort； he said；
“Colonel Brandon seems a man of great worth and
respectability。 I have alw