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Dashwood feared to hazard any remark； and ventured not to offer
consolation。 She now found that she had erred in relying on
Elinor’s representation of herself； and justly concluded that every
thing had been expressly softened at the time； to spare her from
an increase of unhappiness； suffering as she then had suffered for
Marianne。 She found that she had been misled by the careful； the
considerate attention of her daughter； to think the attachment；
which once she had so well understood； much slighter in reality；
than she had been wont to believe； or than it was now proved to
be。 She feared that under this persuasion she had been unjust；
inattentive； nay； almost unkind； to her Elinor；—that Marianne’s
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affliction； because more acknowledged； more immediately before
her； had too much engrossed her tenderness； and led her away to
forget that in Elinor she might have a daughter suffering almost as
much； certainly with less self…provocation； and greater fortitude。
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CHAPTER XII
linor now found the difference between the expectation of
an unpleasant event； however certain the mind may be
E
told to consider it； and certainty itself。 She now found；
that in spite of herself； she had always admitted a hope； while
Edward remained single； that something would occur to prevent
his marrying Lucy； that some resolution of his own； some
mediation of friends； or some more eligible opportunity of
establishment for the lady； would arise to assist the happiness of
all。 But he was now married； and she condemned her heart for the
lurking flattery； which so much heightened the pain of the
intelligence。
That he should be married soon； before （as she imagined） he
could be in orders； and consequently before he could be in
possession of the living； surprised her a little at first。 But she soon
saw how likely it was that Lucy； in her self…provident care； in her
haste to secure him； should overlook every thing but the risk of
delay。 They were married； married in town； and now hastening
down to her uncle’s。 What had Edward felt on being within four
miles from Barton； on seeing her mother’s servant； on hearing
Lucy’s message！
They would soon； she supposed； be settled at Delaford。—
Delaford；—that place in which so much conspired to give her an
interest； which she wished to be acquainted with； and yet desired
to avoid。 She saw them in an instant in their parsonage…house； saw
in Lucy； the active； contriving manager； uniting at once a desire of
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smart appearance with the utmost frugality； and ashamed to be
suspected of half her economical practices；—pursuing her own
interest in every thought； courting the favour of Colonel Brandon；
of Mrs。 Jennings； and of every wealthy friend。 In Edward—she
knew not what she saw； nor what she wished to see；—happy or
unhappy；—nothing pleased her； she turned away her head from
every sketch of him。
Elinor flattered herself that some one of their connections in
London would write to them to announce the event； and give
farther particulars；—but day after day passed off； and brought no
letter； no tidings。 Though uncertain that any one were to blame；
she found fault with every absent friend。 They were all thoughtless
or indolent。
“When do you write to Colonel Brandon； ma’am？” was an
inquiry which sprung from the impatience of her mind to have
something going on。
“I wrote to him； my love； last week； and rather expect to see；
than to hear from him again。 I earnestly pressed his coming to us；
and should not be surprised to see him walk in today or tomorrow；
or any day。”
This was gaining something； something to look forward to。
Colonel Brandon must have some information to give。
Scarcely had she so determined it； when the figure of a man on
horseback drew her eyes to the window。 He stopt at their gate。 It
was a gentleman； it was Colonel Brandon himself。 Now she could
hear more； and she trembled in expectation of it。 But—it was not
Colonel Brandon—neither his air—nor his height。 Were it
possible； she must say it must be Edward。 She looked again。 He
had just dismounted；—she could not be mistaken；—it was
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Edward。 She moved away and sat down。 “He comes from Mr。
Pratt’s purposely to see us。 I will be calm； I will be mistress of
myself。”
In a moment she perceived that the others were likewise aware
of the mistake。 She saw her mother and Marianne change colour；
saw them look at herself； and whisper a few sentences to each
other。 She would have given the world to be able to speak—and to
make them understand that she hoped no coolness； no slight；
would appear in their behaviour to him；—but she had no
utterance； and was obliged to leave all to their own discretion。
Not a syllable passed aloud。 They all waited in silence for the
appearance of their visitor。 His footsteps were heard along the
gravel path； in a moment he was in the passage； and in another he
was before them。
His countenance； as he entered the room； was not too happy；
even for Elinor。 His complexion was white with agitation； and he
looked as if fearful of his reception； and conscious that he merited
no kind one。