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most absolute command； which I； for a little time； artfully
delayed （for I knew the impatience of his temper would not bear
any contradictions）； till he made my father in a manner force me
to what I most wished； with the utmost appearance of reluctance
on my side。 When I had gained this point I began to think which
way I could separate the king from the queen； for hitherto they
lived in the same house。 The lady Mary； the queen's daughter；
being then about sixteen； I sought for emissaries of her own age
that I could confide in； to instill into her mind disrespectful
thoughts of her father； and make a jest of the tenderness of his
conscience about the divorce。 I knew she had naturally strong
passions； and that young people of that age are apt to think
those that pretend to be their friends are really so； and only
speak their minds freely。 I afterwards contrived to have every
word she spoke of him carried to the king； who took it all as I
could wish； and fancied those things did not come at first from
the young lady； but from her mother。 He would often talk of it
to me； and I agreed with him in his sentiments； but then； as a
great proof of my goodness； I always endeavored to excuse her； by
saying a lady so long time used to be a royal queen might
naturally be a little exasperated with those she fancied would
throw her from that station she so justly deserved。 By these
sort of plots I found the way to make the king angry with the
queen； for nothing is easier than to make a man angry with a
woman he wants to be rid of； and who stands in the way between
him and his pleasure； so that now the king； on the pretense of
the queen's obstinacy in a point where his conscience was so
tenderly concerned； parted with her。 Everything was now plain
before me； I had nothing farther to do but to let the king alone
to his own desires； and I had no reason to fear； since they had
carried him so far； but that they would urge him on to do
everything I aimed at。 I was created marchioness of Pembroke。
This dignity sat very easy on me； for the thoughts of a much
higher title took from me all feeling of this； and I looked upon
being a marchioness as a trifle； not that I saw the bauble in its
true light； but because it fell short of what I had figured to
myself I should soon obtain。 The king's desires grew very
impatient； and it was not long before I was privately married to
him。 I was no sooner his wife than I found all the queen come
upon me； I felt myself conscious of royalty； and even the faces
of my most intimate acquaintance seemed to me to be quite
strange。 I hardly knew them： height had turned my head； and I
was like a man placed on a monument； to whose sight all creatures
at a great distance below him appear like so many little pigmies
crawling about on the earth； and the prospect so greatly
delighted me； that I did not presently consider that in both
cases descending a few steps erected by human hands would place
us in the number of those very pigmies who appeared so
despicable。 Our marriage was kept private for some time； for it
was not thought proper to make it public （the affair of the
divorce not being finished） till the birth of my daughter
Elizabeth made it necessary。 But all who saw me knew it； for my
manner of speaking and acting was so much changed with my
station； that all around me plainly perceived I was sure I was a
queen。 While it was a secret I had yet something to wish for； I
could not be perfectly satisfied till all the world was
acquainted with my fortune： but when my coronation was over； and
I was raised to the height of my ambition； instead of finding
myself happy； I was in reality more miserable than ever； for；
besides that the aversion I had naturally to the king was much
more difficult to dissemble after marriage than before； and grew
into a perfect detestation； my imagination； which had thus warmly
pursued a crown； grew cool when I was in the possession of it；
and gave me time to reflect what mighty matter I had gained by
all this bustle； and I often used to think myself in the case of
the fox…hunter； who； when he has toiled and sweated all day in
the chase as if some unheard…of blessing was to crown his
success； finds at last all he has got by his labor is a stinking
nauseous animal。 But my condition was yet worse than his； for he
leaves the loathsome wretch to be torn by his hounds； whilst I
was obliged to fondle mine； and meanly pretend him to be the
object of my love。 For the whole time I was in this envied； this
exalted state； I led a continual life of hypocrisy； which I now
know nothing on earth can compensate。 I had no companion but the
man I hated。 I dared not disclose my sentiments to any person
about me； nor did any one presume to enter into any freedom of
conversation with me； but all who spoke to me talked to the
queen； and not to me； for they would have said just the same
things to a dressed…up puppet； if the king had taken a fancy to
call it his wife。 And as I knew every woman in the court was my
enemy； from thinking she had much more right than I had to the
place I filled； I thought myself as unhappy as if I had been
placed in a wild wood； where there was no human creature for me
to speak to； in a continual fear of leaving any traces of my
footsteps； lest I should be found by some dreadful monster； or
stung by snakes and adders； for such are spiteful women to the
objects of their envy。 In this worst of all situations I was
obliged to hide my melancholy and appear cheerful。 This threw me
into an error the other way； and I sometimes fell into a levity
in my behavior that was afterwards made use of to my
disadvantage。 I had a son deadborn； which I perceived abated
something of the king's ardor； for his temper could not brook the
least disappointment。 This gave me no uneasiness； for； not
considering the consequences； I could not help being best pleased
when I had least of his company。 Afterwards I found he had cast
his eyes on one of my maids of honor； and； whether it was owing
to any art of hers； or only to the king's violent passions； I was
in the end used even worse than my former mistress had been by my
means。 The decay of the king's affection was presently seen by
all those court…sycophants who continually watch the motions of
royal eyes； and the moment they found they could be heard against
me they turned my most innocent actions and words； nay； even my
very looks； into proofs of the blackest crimes。 The king； who
was impatient to enjoy his new love； lent a willing ear to all my
accusers； who found ways of making him jealous that I was false
to his bed。 He would not so easily have believed anything
against me before； but he was now glad to flatter himself that he
had found a reason to do just what he had resolved upon without a
reason； and on some slight pretenses and hearsay evidence I was
sent to the Tower； where the lady who was my greatest enemy was
ap