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persons if their hearers could be delighted in the same manner：
but alas！ hence that ingens solitudo complained of by Horace：
for the vanity of mankind is so much greedier and more general
than their avarice； that no beggar is so ill received by them as
he who solicits their praise。
〃This I sufficiently experienced in the character of a poet； for
my company was shunned （I believe on this account chiefly） by my
whole house： nay； there were few who would submit to hearing me
read my poetry； even at the price of sharing in my provisions。
The only person who gave me audience was a brother poet； he
indeed fed me with commendation very liberally： but； as I was
forced to hear and commend in my turn； I perhaps bought his
attention dear enough。
〃Well； sir； if my expectations of the reward I hoped from my
first poem had balked me； I had now still greater reason to
complain； for； instead of being preferred or commended for the
second； I was enjoined a very severe penance by my superior； for
ludicrously comparing the pope to a ft。 My poetry was now the
jest of every company； except some few who spoke of it with
detestation； and I found that； instead of recommending me to
preferment； it had effectually barred me from all probability of
attaining it。
〃These discouragements had now induced me to lay down my pen and
write no more。 But； as Juvenal says；
Si discedas； Laqueo tenet ambitiosi
Consuetudo mali。
I was an example of the truth of this assertion； for I soon
betook myself again to my muse。 Indeed； a poet hath the same
happiness with a man who is dotingly fond of an ugly woman。 The
one enjoys his muse； and the other his mistress； with a pleasure
very little abated by the esteem of the world； and only
undervalues their taste for not corresponding with his own。
〃It is unnecessary to mention any more of my poems； they had all
the same fate； and though in reality some of my latter pieces
deserved （I may now speak it without the imputation of vanity） a
better success； as I had the character of a bad writer； I found
it impossible ever to obtain the reputation of a good one。 Had I
possessed the merit of Homer I could have hoped for no applause；
since it must have been a profound secret； for no one would now
read a syllable of my writings。
〃The poets of my age were； as I believe you know； not very
famous。 However； there was one of some credit at that time；
though I have the consolation to know his works are all perished
long ago。 The malice； envy； and hatred I bore this man are
inconceivable to any but an author； and an unsuccessful one； I
never could bear to hear him well spoken of； and writ anonymous
satires against him； though I had received obligations from him；
indeed I believe it would have been an absolute impossibility for
him at any rate to have made me sincerely his friend。
〃I have heard an observation which was made by some one of later
days； that there are no worse men than bad authors。 A remark of
the same kind hath been made on ugly women； and the truth of both
stands on one and the same reason； viz。； that they are both
tainted with that cursed and detestable vice of envy； which； as
it is the greatest torment to the mind it inhabits； so is it
capable of introducing into it a total corruption； and of
inspiring it to the commission of the most horrid crimes
imaginable。
〃My life was but short； for I soon pined myself to death with the
vice I just now mentioned。 Minos told me I was infinitely too
bad for Elysium； and as for the other place； the devil had sworn
he would never entertain a poet for Orpheus's sake： so I was
forced to return again to the place from whence I came。〃
CHAPTER XXV
Julian performs the parts of a knight and a dancing…master。
〃I now mounted the stage in Sicily； and became a knight…templar；
but； as my adventures differ so little from those I have
recounted you in the character of a common soldier； I shall not
tire you with repetition。 The soldier and the captain differ in
reality so little from one another； that it requires an accurate
judgment to distinguish them； the latter wears finer clothes； and
in times of success lives somewhat more delicately； but as to
everything else； they very nearly resemble one another。
〃My next step was into France； where fortune assigned me the part
of a dancing…master。 I was so expert in my profession that I was
brought to court in my youth； and had the heels of Philip de
Valois； who afterwards succeeded Charles the Fair； committed to
my direction。
〃I do not remember that in any of the characters in which I
appeared on earth I ever assumed to myself a greater dignity； or
thought myself of more real importance； than now。 I looked on
dancing as the greatest excellence of human nature； and on myself
as the greatest proficient in it。 And； indeed； this seemed to be
the general opinion of the whole court； for I was the chief
instructor of the youth of both sexes； whose merit was almost
entirely defined by the advances they made in that science which
I had the honor to profess。 As to myself； I was so fully
persuaded of this truth； that I not only slighted and despised
those who were ignorant of dancing； but I thought the highest
character I could give any man was that he made a graceful bow：
for want of which accomplishment I had a sovereign contempt for
most persons of learning； nay； for some officers in the army； and
a few even of the courtiers themselves。
〃Though so little of my youth had been thrown away in what they
call literature that I could hardly write and read； yet I
composed a treatise on education； the first rudiments of which；
as I taught； were to instruct a child in the science of coming
handsomely into a room。 In this I corrected many faults of my
predecessors； particularly that of being too much in a hurry； and
instituting a child in the sublimer parts of dancing before they
are capable of making their honors。
〃But as I have not now the same high opinion of my profession
which I had then； I shall not entertain you with a long history
of a life which consisted of borees and coupees。 Let it suffice
that I lived to a very old age and followed my business as long
as I could crawl。 At length I revisited my old friend Minos； who
treated me with very little respect and bade me dance back again
to earth。
〃I did so； and was now once more born an Englishman； bred up to
the church； and at length arrived to the station of a bishop。
〃Nothing was so remarkable in this character as my always
voting＇10＇。〃
＇10＇ Here part of the manuscript is lost； and that a very
considerable one； as appears by the number of the next book
and chapter； which contains； I find； the history of Anna Boleyn；
but as to the manner in which it was introduced； or to whom the
narrative is told； we are totally left in the dark。 I have only
to remark； that thi