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fast as we acquire it； usually at least； for I speak not without
exception； thus it gives us mirth only； and no trouble。 Indeed；
the luxury of our lives might introduce diseases； did not our
daily exercise prevent them。 This gives us an appetite and
relish for our dainties； and at the same time an antidote against
the evil effects which sloth； united with luxury； induces on the
habit of a human body。 Our women we enjoy with ecstasies at
least equal to what the greatest men feel in their embraces。 I
can； I am assured； say of myself； that no mortal could reap more
perfect happiness from the tender passion than my fortune had
decreed me。 I married a charming young woman for love； she was
the daughter of a neighboring beggar； who； with an improvidence
too often seen； spent a very large income which he procured by
his profession； so that he was able to give her no fortune down；
however； at his death he left her a very well accustomed
begging…hut； situated on the side of a steep hill； where
travelers could not immediately escape from us； and a garden
adjoining； being the twenty…eighth part of an acre； well planted。
She made the best of wives； bore me nineteen children； and never
failed； unless on her lying…in； which generally lasted three
days； to get my supper ready against my return home in an
evening； this being my favorite meal； and at which I； as well as
my whole family； greatly enjoyed ourselves； the principal subject
of our discourse being generally the boons we had that day
obtained； on which occasions； laughing at the folly of the donors
made no inconsiderable part of the entertainment； for； whatever
might be their motive for giving； we constantly imputed our
success to our having flattered their vanity； or overreached
their understanding。
〃But perhaps I have dwelt too long on this character； I shall
conclude； therefore； with telling you that after a life of 102
years' continuance； during all which I had never known any
sickness or infirmity but that which old age necessarily induced；
I at last； without the least pain； went out like the snuff of a
candle。
〃Minos； having heard my history； bid me compute； if I could； how
many lies I had told in my life。 As we are here； by a certain
fated necessity； obliged to confine ourselves to truth； I
answered； I believed about 50；000；000。 He then replied； with a
frown； 'Can such a wretch conceive any hopes of entering
Elysium？' I immediately turned about； and； upon the whole； was
rejoiced at his not calling me back。〃
CHAPTER XX
Julian performs the part of a statesman。
〃It was now my fortune to be born of a German princess； but a
man…midwife； pulling my head off in delivering my mother； put a
speedy end to my princely life。
〃Spirits who end their lives before they are at the age of five
years are immediately ordered into other bodies； and it was now
my fortune to perform several infancies before I could again
entitle myself to an examination of Minos。
〃At length I was destined once more to play a considerable part
on the stage。 I was born in England； in the reign of Ethelred
II。 My father's name was Ulnoth： he was earl or thane of
Sussex。 I was afterwards known by the name of earl Goodwin； and
began to make a considerable figure in the world in the time of
Harold Harefoot； whom I procured to be made king of Wessex； or
the West Saxons； in prejudice of Hardicanute； whose mother Emma
endeavored afterwards to set another of her sons on the throne；
but I circumvented her； and； communicating her design to the
king； at the same time acquainted him with a project which I had
formed for the murder of these two young princes。 Emma had sent
for these her sons from Normandy； with the king's leave； whom she
had deceived by her religious behavior； and pretended neglect of
all worldly affairs； but I prevailed with Harold to invite these
princes to his court； and put them to death。 The prudent mother
sent only Alfred； retaining Edward to herself； as she suspected
my ill designs； and thought I should not venture to execute them
on one of her sons； while she secured the other； but she was
deceived； for I had no sooner Alfred in my possession than I
caused him to be conducted to Ely； where I ordered his eyes to be
put out； and afterwards to be confined in a monastery。
〃This was one of those cruel expedients which great men satisfy
themselves well in executing； by concluding them to be necessary
to the service of their prince； who is the support of their
ambition。
〃Edward； the other son of Emma； escaped again to Normandy；
whence； after the death of Harold and Hardicanute； he made no
scruple of applying to my protection and favor； though he had
before prosecuted me with all the vengeance he was able； for
the murder of his brother； but in all great affairs private
relation must yield to public interest。 Having therefore
concluded very advantageous terms for myself with him； I made no
scruple of patronizing his cause； and soon placed him on the
throne。 Nor did I conceive the least apprehension from his
resentment； as I knew my power was too great for him to
encounter。
〃Among other stipulated conditions； one was to marry my daughter
Editha。 This Edward consented to with great reluctance； and I
had afterwards no reason to be pleased with it； for it raised
her； who had been my favorite child； to such an opinion of
greatness； that； instead of paying me the usual respect； she
frequently threw in my teeth （as often at least as I gave her any
admonition）； that she was now a queen； and that the character and
title of father merged in that of subject。 This behavior；
however； did not cure me of my affection towards her； nor lessen
the uneasiness which I afterwards bore on Edward's dismissing her
from his bed。
〃One thing which principally induced me to labor the promotion of
Edward was the simplicity or weakness of that prince； under whom
I promised myself absolute dominion under another name。 Nor did
this opinion deceive me； for； during his whole reign； my
administration was in the highest degree despotic： I had
everything of royalty but the outward ensigns； no man ever
applying for a place； or any kind of preferment； but to me only。
A circumstance which； as it greatly enriched my coffers； so it no
less pampered my ambition； and satisfied my vanity with a
numerous attendance； and I had the pleasure of seeing those who
only bowed to the king prostrating themselves before me。
〃Edward the Confessor； or St。 Edward； as some have called him；
in derision I suppose； being a very silly fellow； had all the
faults incident； and almost inseparable； to fools。 He married my
daughter Editha from his fear of disobliging me； and afterwards；
out of hatred to me； refused even to consummate his marriage；
though she was one of the most beautiful women of her age。 He
was likewise guilty of the basest ingratitude to his mothe