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man。 Thus the smile descending regularly from the great man to
A； is discounted back again； and at last paid by the great man。
〃It is manifest that a court would subsist as difficultly without
this kind of coin as a trading city without paper credit。
Indeed； they differ in this； that their value is not quite so
certain； and a favorite may protest his smile without the danger
of bankruptcy。
〃In the midst of all this glory the emperor died； and Anastasius
was preferred to the crown。 As it was yet uncertain whether I
should not continue in favor； I was received as usual at my
entrance into the palace to pay my respects to the new emperor；
but I was no sooner rumped by him than I received the same
compliment from all the rest； the whole room； like a regiment of
soldiers； turning their backs to me all at once： my smile now
was become of equal value with the note of a broken banker； and
every one was as cautious not to receive it。
〃I made as much haste as possible from the court； and shortly
after from the city； retreating to the place of my nativity；
where I spent the remainder of my days in a retired life in
husbandry； the only amusement for which I was qualified； having
neither learning nor virtue。
〃When I came to the gate Minos again seemed at first doubtful；
but at length dismissed me； saying though I had been guilty of
many heinous crimes； in as much as I had； though a general； never
been concerned in spilling human blood； I might return again to
earth。
〃I was now again born in Alexandria； and； by great accident；
entering into the womb of my daughter…in…law； came forth my own
grandson； inheriting that fortune which I had before amassed。
〃Extravagance was now as notoriously my vice as avarice had been
formerly； and I spent in a very short life what had cost me the
labor of a very long one to rake together。 Perhaps you will
think my present condition was more to be envied than my former：
but upon my word it was very little so； for； by possessing
everything almost before I desired it； I could hardly ever say I
enjoyed my wish： I scarce ever knew the delight of satisfying a
craving appetite。 Besides； as I never once thought； my mind was
useless to me； and I was an absolute stranger to all the
pleasures arising from it。 Nor； indeed； did my education qualify
me for any delicacy in other enjoyments； so that in the midst of
plenty I loathed everything。 Taste for elegance I had none； and
the greatest of corporeal blisses I felt no more from than the
lowest animal。 In a word； as while a miser I had plenty without
daring to use it； so now I had it without appetite。
〃But if I was not very happy in the height of my enjoyment； so I
afterwards became perfectly miserable； being soon overtaken by
disease； and reduced to distress； till at length； with a broken
constitution and broken heart； I ended my wretched days in a
jail： nor can I think the sentence of Minos too mild； who
condemned me； after having taken a large dose of avarice； to
wander three years on the banks of Cocytus； with the knowledge of
having spent the fortune in the person of the grandson which I
had raised in that of the grandfather。
〃The place of my birth； on my return to the world； was
Constantinople； where my father was a carpenter。 The first thing
I remember was； the triumph of Belisarius； which was； indeed；
most noble show； but nothing pleased me so much as the figure of
Gelimer； king of the African Vandals； who； being led captive on
this occasion； reflecting with disdain on the mutation of his own
fortune； and on the ridiculous empty pomp of the conqueror； cried
out； VANITY； VANITY； ALL IS MERE VANITY。'
〃I was bred up to my father's trade； and you may easily believe
so low a sphere could produce no adventures worth your notice。
However； I married a woman I liked； and who proved a very
tolerable wife。 My days were passed in hard labor； but this
procured me health； and I enjoyed a homely supper at night with
my wife with more pleasure than I apprehend greater persons find
at their luxurious meals。 My life had scarce any variety in it；
and at my death I advanced to Minos with great confidence of
entering the gate： but I was unhappily obliged to discover some
frauds I had been guilty of in the measure of my work when I
worked by the foot； as well as my laziness when I was employed by
the day。 On which account； when I attempted to pass； the angry
judge laid hold on me by the shoulders； and turned me back so
violently； that； had I had a neck of flesh and bone； I believe he
would have broke it。〃
CHAPTER XIII
Julian passes into a fop。
〃My scene of action was Rome。 I was born into a noble family；
and heir to a considerable fortune。 On which my parents；
thinking I should not want any talents； resolved very kindly and
wisely to throw none away upon me。 The only instructors of my
youth were therefore one Saltator； who taught me several motions
for my legs； and one Ficus； whose business was to show me the
cleanest way （as he called it） of cutting off a man's head。 When
I was well accomplished in these sciences； I thought nothing more
wanting； but what was to be furnished by the several mechanics in
Rome； who dealt in dressing and adorning the pope。 Being
therefore well equipped with all which their art could produce； I
became at the age of twenty a complete finished beau。 And now
during forty…five years I dressed； I sang and danced； and danced
and sang； I bowed and ogled； and ogled and bowed； till； in the
sixty…sixth year of my age； I got cold by overheating myself with
dancing； and died。
〃Minos told me； as I was unworthy of Elysium； so I was too
insignificant to be damned； and therefore bade me walk back
again。〃
CHAPTER XIV
Adventures in the person of a monk。
〃Fortune now placed me in the character of a younger brother of a
good house； and I was in my youth sent to school； but learning
was now at so low an ebb； that my master himself could hardly
construe a sentence of Latin； and as for Greek； he could not read
it。 With very little knowledge therefore； and with altogether as
little virtue； I was set apart for the church； and at the proper
age commenced monk。 I lived many years retired in a cell； a life
very agreeable to the gloominess of my temper； which was much
inclined to despise the world； that is； in other words； to envy
all men of superior fortune and qualifications； and in general to
hate and detest the human species。 Notwithstanding which； I
could； on proper occasions； submit to flatter the vilest fellow
in nature； which I did one Stephen； an eunuch； a favorite of the
emperor Justinian II； one of the wickedest wretches whom perhaps
the world ever saw。 I not only wrote a panegyric on this man；
but I commended him as a pattern to all others in my sermons； by
which means I so greatly ingratiated myself with him； that he
introduced me to