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therefore took Parker aside； and mentally praying to God for power to
dissuade him from the horrible purpose he entertained； I expostulated
with him for a long time； and in the most supplicating manner；
begging him in the name of every thing which he held sacred； and
urging him by every species of argument which the extremity of the
case suggested； to abandon the idea； and not to mention it to either
of the other two。
He heard all I said without attempting to controvert any of my
arguments； and I had begun to hope that he would be prevailed upon to
do as I desired。 But when I had ceased speaking； he said that he knew
very well all I had said was true； and that to resort to such a
course was the most horrible alternative which could enter into the
mind of man； but that he had now held out as long as human nature
could be sustained； that it was unnecessary for all to perish； when；
by the death of one； it was possible； and even probable； that the
rest might be finally preserved； adding that I might save myself the
trouble of trying to turn him from his purpose； his mind having been
thoroughly made up on the subject even before the appearance of the
ship； and that only her heaving in sight had prevented him from
mentioning his intention at an earlier period。
I now begged him； if he would not be prevailed upon to abandon
his design； at least to defer it for another day； when some vessel
might come to our relief； again reiterating every argument I could
devise； and which I thought likely to have influence with one of his
rough nature。 He said； in reply； that he had not spoken until the
very last possible moment； that he could exist no longer without
sustenance of some kind； and that therefore in another day his
suggestion would be too late； as regarded himself at least。
Finding that he was not to be moved by anything I could say in a
mild tone； I now assumed a different demeanor； and told him that he
must be aware I had suffered less than any of us from our calamities；
that my health and strength； consequently； were at that moment far
better than his own； or than that either of Peters or Augustus； in
short； that I was in a condition to have my own way by force if I
found it necessary； and that if he attempted in any manner to
acquaint the others with his bloody and cannibal designs； I would not
hesitate to throw him into the sea。 Upon this he immediately seized
me by the throat； and drawing a knife； made several ineffectual
efforts to stab me in the stomach； an atrocity which his excessive
debility alone prevented him from accomplishing。 In the meantime；
being roused to a high pitch of anger； I forced him to the vessel's
side； with the full intention of throwing him overboard。 He was saved
from his fate； however； by the interference of Peters； who now
approached and separated us； asking the cause of the disturbance。
This Parker told before I could find means in any manner to prevent
him。
The effect of his words was even more terrible than what I had
anticipated。 Both Augustus and Peters； who； it seems； had long
secretly entertained the same fearful idea which Parker had been
merely the first to broach； joined with him in his design and
insisted upon its immediately being carried into effect。 I had
calculated that one at least of the two former would be found still
possessed of sufficient strength of mind to side with myself in
resisting any attempt to execute so dreadful a purpose； and； with the
aid of either one of them； I had no fear of being able to prevent its
accomplishment。 Being disappointed in this expectation； it became
absolutely necessary that I should attend to my own safety； as a
further resistance on my part might possibly be considered by men in
their frightful condition a sufficient excuse for refusing me fair
play in the tragedy that I knew would speedily be enacted。
I now told them I was willing to submit to the proposal； merely
requesting a delay of about one hour； in order that the fog which had
gathered around us might have an opportunity of lifting； when it was
possible that the ship we had seen might be again in sight。 After
great difficulty I obtained from them a promise to wait thus long；
and； as I had anticipated （a breeze rapidly coming in）； the fog
lifted before the hour had expired； when； no vessel appearing in
sight； we prepared to draw lots。
It is with extreme reluctance that I dwell upon the appalling
scene which ensued； a scene which； with its minutest details； no
after events have been able to efface in the slightest degree from my
memory； and whose stern recollection will embitter every future
moment of my existence。 Let me run over this portion of my narrative
with as much haste as the nature of the events to be spoken of will
permit。 The only method we could devise for the terrific lottery； in
which we were to take each a chance； was that of drawing straws。
Small splinters of wood were made to answer our purpose； and it was
agreed that I should be the holder。 I retired to one end of the hulk；
while my poor companions silently took up their station in the other
with their backs turned toward me。 The bitterest anxiety which I
endured at any period of this fearful drama was while I occupied
myself in the arrangement of the lots。 There are few conditions into
which man can possibly fall where he will not feel a deep interest in
the preservation of his existence； an interest momentarily increasing
with the frailness of the tenure by which that existence may be held。
But now that the silent； definite； and stern nature of the business
in which I was engaged （so different from the tumultuous dangers of
the storm or the gradually approaching horrors of famine） allowed me
to reflect on the few chances I had of escaping the most appalling of
deaths… a death for the most appalling of purposes… every particle of
that energy which had so long buoyed me up departed like feathers
before the wind； leaving me a helpless prey to the most abject and
pitiable terror。 I could not； at first； even summon up sufficient
strength to tear and fit together the small splinters of wood； my
fingers absolutely refusing their office； and my knees knocking
violently against each other。 My mind ran over rapidly a thousand
absurd projects by which to avoid becoming a partner in the awful
speculation。 I thought of falling on my knees to my companions； and
entreating them to let me escape this necessity； of suddenly rushing
upon them； and； by putting one of them to death； of rendering the
decision by lot useless… in short； of every thing but of going
through with the matter I had in hand。 At last； after wasting a long
time in this imbecile conduct； I was recalled to my senses by the
voice of Parker； who urged me to relieve them at once from the
terrible anxiety they were enduring。 Even then I could not bring
myself to arrange the splinters upon the spot； but thought over every
species of finesse by which I could trick some one of my
fellow…sufferers to draw the short straw； as it had been agreed that
whoever drew the shortest of four splinters from my hand was to die
for the preservation of the r