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Rue de la Paix。
Having become an article of commerce； intellect and all its products
must naturally obey the laws which bind other manufacturing interests。
Thus it often happens that ideas； conceived in their cups by certain
apparently idle Parisians；who nevertheless fight many a moral battle
over their champagne and their pheasants；are handed down at their
birth from the brain to the commercial travellers who are employed to
spread them discreetly； 〃urbi et orbi；〃 through Paris and the
provinces； seasoned with the fried pork of advertisement and
prospectus； by means of which they catch in their rat…trap the
departmental rodent commonly called subscriber； sometimes stockholder；
occasionally corresponding member or patron； but invariably fool。
〃I am a fool！〃 many a poor country proprietor has said when； caught by
the prospect of being the first to launch a new idea； he finds that he
has； in point of fact； launched his thousand or twelve hundred francs
into a gulf。
〃Subscribers are fools who never can be brought to understand that to
go ahead in the intellectual world they must start with more money
than they need for the tour of Europe；〃 say the speculators。
Consequently there is endless warfare between the recalcitrant public
which refuses to pay the Parisian imposts and the tax…gatherer who；
living by his receipt of custom； lards the public with new ideas；
turns it on the spit of lively projects； roasts it with prospectuses
（basting all the while with flattery）； and finally gobbles it up with
some toothsome sauce in which it is caught and intoxicated like a fly
with a black…lead。 Moreover； since 1830 what honors and emoluments
have been scattered throughout France to stimulate the zeal and self…
love of the 〃progressive and intelligent masses〃！ Titles； medals；
diplomas； a sort of legion of honor invented for the army of martyrs；
have followed each other with marvellous rapidity。 Speculators in the
manufactured products of the intellect have developed a spice； a
ginger； all their own。 From this have come premiums； forestalled
dividends； and that conscription of noted names which is levied
without the knowledge of the unfortunate writers who bear them； and
who thus find themselves actual co…operators in more enterprises than
there are days in the year； for the law； we may remark； takes no
account of the theft of a patronymic。 Worse than all is the rape of
ideas which these caterers for the public mind； like the slave…
merchants of Asia； tear from the paternal brain before they are well
matured； and drag half…clothed before the eyes of their blockhead of a
sultan； their Shahabaham； their terrible public； which； if they don't
amuse it； will cut off their heads by curtailing the ingots and
emptying their pockets。
This madness of our epoch reacted upon the illustrious Gaudissart； and
here follows the history of how it happened。 A life…insurance company
having been told of his irresistible eloquence offered him an unheard…
of commission； which he graciously accepted。 The bargain concluded and
the treaty signed； our traveller was put in training； or we might say
weaned； by the secretary…general of the enterprise； who freed his mind
of its swaddling…clothes； showed him the dark holes of the business；
taught him its dialect； took the mechanism apart bit by bit； dissected
for his instruction the particular public he was expected to gull；
crammed him with phrases； fed him with impromptu replies； provisioned
him with unanswerable arguments； and； so to speak； sharpened the file
of the tongue which was about to operate upon the life of France。
The puppet amply rewarded the pains bestowed upon him。 The heads of
the company boasted of the illustrious Gaudissart； showed him such
attention and proclaimed the great talents of this perambulating
prospectus so loudly in the sphere of exalted banking and commercial
diplomacy； that the financial managers of two newspapers （celebrated
at that time but since defunct） were seized with the idea of employing
him to get subscribers。 The proprietors of the 〃Globe；〃 an organ of
Saint…Simonism； and the 〃Movement；〃 a republican journal； each invited
the illustrious Gaudissart to a conference； and proposed to give him
ten francs a head for every subscriber； provided he brought in a
thousand； but only five francs if he got no more than five hundred。
The cause of political journalism not interfering with the pre…
accepted cause of life insurance； the bargain was struck； although
Gaudissart demanded an indemnity from the Saint…Simonians for the
eight days he was forced to spend in studying the doctrines of their
apostle； asserting that a prodigious effort of memory and intellect
was necessary to get to the bottom of that 〃article〃 and to reason
upon it suitably。 He asked nothing； however； from the republicans。 In
the first place； he inclined in republican ideas；the only ones；
according to guadissardian philosophy； which could bring about a
rational equality。 Besides which he had already dipped into the
conspiracies of the French 〃carbonari〃； he had been arrested； and
released for want of proof； and finally； as he called the newspaper
proprietors to observe； he had lately grown a mustache； and needed
only a hat of certain shape and a pair of spurs to represent； with due
propriety； the Republic。
CHAPTER II
For one whole week this commanding genius went every morning to be
Saint…Simonized at the office of the 〃Globe；〃 and every afternoon he
betook himself to the life…insurance company； where he learned the
intricacies of financial diplomacy。 His aptitude and his memory were
prodigious； so that he was able to start on his peregrinations by the
15th of April； the date at which he usually opened the spring
campaign。 Two large commercial houses； alarmed at the decline of
business； implored the ambitious Gaudissart not to desert the article
Paris； and seduced him； it was said； with large offers； to take their
commissions once more。 The king of travellers was amenable to the
claims of his old friends； enforced as they were by the enormous
premiums offered to him。
* * * * *
〃Listen； my little Jenny；〃 he said in a hackney…coach to a pretty
florist。
All truly great men delight in allowing themselves to be tyrannized
over by a feeble being； and Gaudissart had found his tyrant in Jenny。
He was bringing her home at eleven o'clock from the Gymnase； whither
he had taken her； in full dress； to a proscenium box on the first
tier。
〃On my return； Jenny； I shall refurnish your room in superior style。
That big Matilda； who pesters you with comparisons and her real India
shawls imported by the suite of the Russian ambassador； and her silver
plate and her Russian prince；who to my mind is nothing but a humbug；
won't have a word to say THEN。 I consecrate to the adornment of your
room all the 'Children' I shall get in the provinces。〃
〃Well； t