按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
other crimes he could commit to win her affection； he would； for her
sweet sake； commit them cheerfully。 But he doesn't know any
othersat all events； he is not well up in any othersand she still
does not care for him； and what is he to do？
It is very unfortunate for both of them。 It is evident to the merest
spectator that the lady's life would be much happier if the villain
did not love her quite so much； and as for him； his career might be
calmer and less criminal but for his deep devotion to her。
You see； it is having met her in early life that is the cause of all
the trouble。 He first saw her when she was a child； and he loved her；
〃ay； even then。〃 Ah； and he would have workedslaved for her； and
have made her rich and happy。 He might perhaps even have been a good
man。
She tries to soothe him。 She says she loathed him with an unspeakable
horror from the first moment that her eyes met his revolting form。
She says she saw a hideous toad once in a nasty pond； and she says
that rather would she take that noisome reptile and clasp its slimy
bosom to her own than tolerate one instant's touch from his （the
villain's） arms。
This sweet prattle of hers； however； only charms him all the more。 He
says he will win her yet。
Nor does the villain seem much happier in his less serious love
episodes。 After he has indulged in a little badinage of the above
character with his real lady…love； the heroine； he will occasionally
try a little light flirtation passage with her maid or lady friend。
The maid or friend does not waste time in simile or in metaphor。 She
calls him a black…hearted scoundrel and clumps him over the head。
Of recent years it has been attempted to cheer the stage villain's
loveless life by making the village clergyman's daughter gone on him。
But it is generally about ten years ago when even she loved him； and
her love has turned to hate by the time the play opens； so that on the
whole his lot can hardly be said to have been much improved in this
direction。
Not but what it must be confessed that her change of feeling is； under
the circumstances； only natural。 He took her away from her happy；
peaceful home when she was very young and brought her up to this
wicked overgrown London。 He did not marry her。 There is no earthly
reason why he should not have married her。 She must have been a fine
girl at that time （and she is a good…looking woman as it is； with dash
and go about her）； and any other man would have settled down cozily
with her and have led a simple； blameless life。
But the stage villain is built cussed。
He ill…uses this female most shockinglynot for any cause or motive
whatever； indeed； his own practical interests should prompt him to
treat her well and keep friends with herbut from the natural
cussedness to which we have just alluded。 When he speaks to her he
seizes her by the wrist and breathes what he's got to say into her
ear； and it tickles and revolts her。
The only thing in which he is good to her is in the matter of dress。
He does not stint her in dress。
The stage villain is superior to the villain of real life。 The
villain of real life is actuated by mere sordid and selfish motives。
The stage villain does villainy； not for any personal advantage to
himself； but merely from the love of the thing as an art。 Villainy is
to him its own reward； he revels in it。
〃Better far be poor and villainous；〃 he says to himself； 〃than possess
all the wealth of the Indies with a clear conscience。 I will be a
villain；〃 he cries。 〃I will； at great expense and inconvenience to
myself； murder the good old man； get the hero accused of the crime；
and make love to his wife while he is in prison。 It will be a risky
and laborious business for me from beginning to end； and can bring me
no practical advantage whatever。 The girl will call me insulting
names when I pay her a visit； and will push me violently in the chest
when I get near her； her golden…haired infant will say I am a bad man
and may even refuse to kiss me。 The comic man will cover me with
humorous opprobrium； and the villagers will get a day off and hang
about the village pub and hoot me。 Everybody will see through my
villainy； and I shall be nabbed in the end。 I always am。 But it is
no matter； I will be a villainha！ ha！〃
On the whole； the stage villain appears to us to be a rather badly
used individual。 He never has any 〃estates〃 or property himself； and
his only chance of getting on in the world is to sneak the hero's。 He
has an affectionate disposition； and never having any wife of his own
he is compelled to love other people's； but his affection is ever
unrequited； and everything comes wrong for him in the end。
Our advice to stage villains generally； after careful observation of
（stage） life and （stage） human nature； is as follows：
Never be a stage villain at all if you can help it。 The life is too
harassing and the remuneration altogether disproportionate to the
risks and labor。
If you have run away with the clergyman's daughter and she still
clings to you； do not throw her down in the center of the stage and
call her names。 It only irritates her； and she takes a dislike to you
and goes and warns the other girl。
Don't have too many accomplices； and if you have got them； don't keep
sneering at them and bullying them。 A word from them can hang you；
and yet you do all you can to rile them。 Treat them civilly and let
them have their fair share of the swag。
Beware of the comic man。 When you are committing a murder or robbing
a safe you never look to see where the comic man is。 You are so
careless in that way。 On the whole； it might be as well if you
murdered the comic man early in the play。
Don't make love to the hero's wife。 She doesn't like you； how can you
expect her to？ Besides； it isn't proper。 Why don't you get a girl of
your own？
Lastly； don't go down to the scenes of your crimes in the last act。
You always will do this。 We suppose it is some extra cheap excursion
down there that attracts you。 But take our advice and don't go。 That
is always where you get nabbed。 The police know your habits from
experience。 They do not trouble to look for you。 They go down in the
last act to the old hall or the ruined mill where you did the deed and
wait for you。
In nine cases out of ten you would get off scot…free but for this
idiotic custom of yours。 Do keep away from the place。 Go abroad or
to the sea…side when the last act begins and stop there till it is
over。 You will be safe then。
THE HEROINE。
She is always in troubleand don't she let you know it； too！ Her
life is undeniably a hard one。 Nothing goes right with her。 We all
have our troubles； but the stage heroine never has anything else。 If
she only got one afternoon a week off from trouble or had her Sundays
free it would be something。
But no； misfortune stalks beside her from week's beginning to week's
end。
After her husband has been found guilty of murder； which is about the
least thing that can ever happen to him； and her white…haired father
has become a bankrupt and has died of a broken heart； and the home of
her c