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what he should wear on his vacation was upon his mind。 When I said I
thought it was nothing to worry about； he snorted indignantly。 〃YOU
wouldn't！〃 he said。 〃If I'D been brought up in a catboat； and had a tan
like a red Indian； and hair like a Broadway blonde； I wouldn't worry either。
Mrs。 Shaw says you look exactly like a British peer in disguise。〃 I had
never seen a British peer； with or without his disguise； and I admit I was
interested。
〃Why are the girls in this house；〃 demanded Kinney； 〃always running
to your room to borrow matches？ Because they admire your CLOTHES？
If they're crazy about clothes； why don't they come to ME for matches？〃
〃You are always out at night；〃 I said。
〃You know that's not the answer；〃 he protested。 〃Why do the type…
writer girls at the office always go to YOU to sharpen their pencils and tell
them how to spell the hard words？ Why do the girls in the lunch…rooms
serve you first？ Because they're hypnotized by your clothes？ Is THAT
it？〃
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〃Do they？〃 I asked； 〃I hadn't noticed。〃
Kinney snorted and tossed up his arms。 〃He hadn't noticed！〃 he kept
repeating。 〃He hadn't noticed！〃 For his vacation Kinney bought a
second…hand suit…case。 It was covered with labels of hotels in France and
Switzerland。
〃Joe；〃 I said； 〃if you carry that bag you will be a walking falsehood。〃
Kinney's name is Joseph Forbes Kinney； he dropped the Joseph
because he said it did not appear often enough in the Social Register； and
could be found only in the Old Testament； and he has asked me to call him
Forbes。 Having first known him as 〃Joe；〃 I occasionally forget。
〃My name is NOT Joe；〃 he said sternly； 〃and I have as much right to
carry a second…hand bag as a new one。 The bag says IT has been to
Europe。 It does not say that I have been there。〃
〃But； you probably will；〃 I pointed out； 〃and then some one who has
really visited those places〃
〃Listen！〃 commanded Kinney。 〃If you want adventures you must be
somebody of importance。 No one will go shares in an adventure with Joe
Kinney； a twenty…dollar…a…week clerk； the human adding machine； the
hall…room boy。 But Forbes Kinney； Esq。； with a bag from Europe； and a
Harvard ribbon round his hat〃
〃Is that a Harvard ribbon round your hat？〃 I asked。
〃It is！〃 declared Kinney； 〃and I have a Yale ribbon； and a Turf Club
ribbon； too。 They come on hooks； and you hook 'em on to match your
clothes； or the company you keep。 And； what's more；〃 he continued； with
some heat； 〃I've borrowed a tennis racket and a golf bag full of sticks； and
you take care you don't give me away。〃
〃I see；〃 I returned； 〃that you are going to get us into a lot of trouble。〃
〃I was thinking；〃 said Kinney； looking at me rather doubtfully； 〃it might
help a lot if for the first week you acted as my secretary； and during the
second week I was your secretary。〃
Sometimes； when Mr。 Joyce goes on a business trip； he takes me with
him as his private stenographer； and the change from office work is very
pleasant； but I could not see why I should spend one week of my holiday
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THE MAKE…BELIEVE MAN
writing letters for Kinney。
〃You wouldn't write any letters；〃 he explained。 〃But if I could tell
people you were my private secretary； it would naturally give me a certain
importance。〃
〃If it will make you any happier；〃 I said； 〃you can tell people I am a
British peer in disguise。〃
〃There is no use in being nasty about it；〃 protested Kinney。 〃I am
only trying to show you a way that would lead to adventure。〃
〃It surely would！〃 I assented。 〃It would lead us to jail。〃
The last week in August came； and； as to where we were to go we still
were undecided； I suggested we leave it to chance。
〃The first thing；〃 I pointed out； 〃is to get away from this awful city。
The second thing is to get away cheaply。 Let us write down the names of
the summer resorts to which we can travel by rail or by boat for two
dollars and put them in a hat。 The name of the place we draw will be the
one for which we start Saturday afternoon。 The idea；〃 I urged； 〃is in
itself full of adventure。〃
Kinney agreed； but reluctantly。 What chiefly disturbed him was the
thought that the places near New York to which one could travel for so
little money were not likely to be fashionable。
〃I have a terrible fear；〃 he declared； 〃that； with this limit of yours； we
will wake up in Asbury Park。〃
Friday night came and found us prepared for departure； and at
midnight we held our lottery。 In a pillow…case we placed twenty slips of
paper； on each of which was written the name of a summer resort。 Ten of
these places were selected by Kinney； and ten by myself。 Kinney
dramatically rolled up his sleeve； and； plunging his bared arm into our
grab…bag； drew out a slip of paper and read aloud： 〃New Bedford； via New
Bedford Steamboat Line。〃 The choice was one of mine。
〃New Bedford！〃 shouted Kinney。 His tone expressed the keenest
disappointment。 〃It's a mill town！〃 he exclaimed。 〃It's full of cotton
mills。〃
〃That may be；〃 I protested。 〃But it's also a most picturesque old
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seaport； one of the oldest in America。 You can see whaling vessels at the
wharfs there； and wooden figure…heads； and harpoons〃
〃Is this an expedition to dig up buried cities；〃 interrupted Kinney； 〃or a
pleasure trip？ I don't WANT to see harpoons！ I wouldn't know a
harpoon if you stuck one into me。 I prefer to see hatpins。〃
The Patience did not sail until six o'clock； but we were so anxious to
put New York behind us that at five we were on board。 Our cabin was an
outside one with two berths。 After placing our suit…cases in it； we
collected camp…chairs and settled ourselves in a cool place on the boat
deck。 Kinney h