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doctor was gone; Sally came in again; and found me listening (if
I may call it so) at Mary's lips。 She went to where my little
hand…glass hangs against the wall; took it down; and gave it to
me。
〃See if the breath marks it;〃 she said。
Yes; her breath did mark it; but very faintly。 Sally cleaned the
glass with her apron; and gave it back to me。 As she did so; she
half stretched out her hand to Mary's face; but drew it in again
suddenly; as if she was afraid of soiling Mary's delicate skin
with her hard; horny fingers。 Going out; she stopped at the foot
of the bed; and scraped away a little patch of mud that was on
one of Mary's shoes。
〃I always used to clean 'em for her;〃 said Sally; 〃to save her
hands from getting blacked。 May I take 'em off now; and clean 'em
again?〃
I nodded my head; for my heart was too heavy to speak。 Sally took
the shoes off with a slow; awkward tenderness; and went out。
An hour or more must have passed; when; putting the glass over
her lips again; I saw no mark on it。 I held it closer and closer。
I dulled it accidentally with my own breath; and cleaned it。 I
held it over her again。 Oh; Mary; Mary; the doctor was right! I
ought to have only thought of you in heaven!
Dead; without a word; without a signwithout even a look to tell
the true story of the blow that killed her! I could not call to
anybody; I could not cry; I could not so much as put the glass
down and give her a kiss for the last time。 I don't know how long
I had sat there with my eyes burning; and my hands deadly cold;
when Sally came in with the shoes cleaned; and carried carefully
in her apron for fear of a soil touching them。 At the sight of
that
I can write no more。 My tears drop so fast on the paper that I
can see nothing。
March 12th。 She died on the afternoon of the eighth。 On the
morning of the ninth; I wrote; as in duty bound; to her
stepmother at Hammersmith。 There was no answer。 I wrote again; my
letter was returned to me this morning unopened。 For all that
woman cares; Mary might be buried with a pauper's funeral; but
this shall never be; if I pawn everything about me; down to the
very gown that is on my back。 The bare thought of Mary being
buried by the workhouse gave me the spirit to dry my eyes; and go
to the undertaker's; and tell him how I was placed。 I said if he
would get me an estimate of all that would have to be paid; from
first to last; for the cheapest decent funeral that could be had;
I would undertake to raise the money。 He gave me the estimate;
written in this way; like a common bill:
A walking funeral complete。。。。。。。。。。。。Pounds 1 13 8
Vestry。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。0 4 4
Rector。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。0 4 4
Clerk。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。0 1 0
Sexton。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。0 1 0
Beadle。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。0 1 0
Bell。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。0 1 0
Six feet of ground。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。0 2 0
Total Pounds 2 8 4
If I had the heart to give any thought to it; I should be
inclined to wish that the Church could afford to do without so
many small charges for burying poor people; to whose friends even
shillings are of consequence。 But it is useless to complain; the
money must be raised at once。 The charitable doctora poor man
himself; or he would not be living in our neighborhoodhas
subscribed ten shillings toward the expenses; and the coroner;
when the inquest was over; added five more。 Perhaps others may
assist me。 If not; I have fortunately clothes and furniture of my
own to pawn。 And I must set about parting with them without
delay; for the funeral is to be to…morrow; the thirteenth。
The funeralMary's funeral! It is well that the straits and
difficulties I am in keep my mind on the stretch。 If I had
leisure to grieve; where should I find the courage to face
to…morrow?
Thank God they did not want me at the inquest。 The verdict given;
with the doctor; the policeman; and two persons from the place
where she worked; for witnesses; was Accidental Death。 The end of
the cravat was produced; and the coroner said that it was
certainly enough to suggest suspicion; but the jury; in the
absence of any positive evidence; held to the doctor's notion
that she had fainted and fallen down; and so got the blow on her
temple。 They reproved the people where Mary worked for letting
her go home alone; without so much as a drop of brandy to support
her; after she had fallen into a swoon from exhaustion before
their eyes。 The coroner added; on his own account; that he
thought the reproof was thoroughly deserved。 After that; the
cravat…end was given back to me by my own desire; the police
saying that they could make no investigations with such a slight
clew to guide them。 They may think so; and the coroner; and
doctor; and jury may
think so; but; in spite of all that has passed; I am now more
firmly persuaded than ever that there is some dreadful mystery in
connection with that blow on my poor lost Mary's temple which has
yet to be revealed; and which may come to be discovered through
this very fragment of a cravat that I found in her hand。 I cannot
give any good reason for why I think so; but I know that if I had
been one of the jury at the inquest; nothing should have induced
me to consent to such a verdict as Accidental Death。
After I had pawned my things; and had begged a small advance of
wages at the place where I work to make up what was still wanting
to pay for Mary's funeral; I thought I might have had a little
quiet time to prepare myself as I best could for to…morrow。 But
this was not to be。 When I got home the landlord met me in the
passage。 He was in liquor; and more brutal and pitiless in his
way of looking and speaking than ever I saw him before。
〃So you're going to be fool enough to pay for her funeral; are
you?〃 were his first words to me。
I was too weary and heart…sick to answer; I only tried to get by
him to my own door。
〃If you can pay for burying her;〃 he went on; putting himself in
front of me; 〃you can pay her lawful debts。 She owes me three
weeks' rent。 Suppose you raise the money for that next; and hand
it over to me? I'm not joking; I can promise you。 I mean to have
my rent; and; if somebody don't pay it; I'll have her body seized
and sent to the workhouse!〃
Between terror and disgust; I thought I should have dropped to
the floor at his feet。 But I determined not to let him see how he
had horrified me; if I could possibly control myself。 So I
mustered resolution enough to answer that I did not believe the
law gave him any such wicked power over the dead。
〃I'll teach you what the law is!〃 he broke in; 〃you'll raise
money to bury her like a born lady; when she's died in my debt;
will you? And you think I'll let my rights be trampled upon like
that; do you? See if I do! I'll give you till to…night to think
about it。 If I don't have the three weeks she owes before
to…morrow; dead or alive; she shall go to the workhouse!〃
This time I managed to push by