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obliged to look for support。
I spoke much more confidently than I felt about being able to do
this； and left her； as I thought； in better spirits than usual。
She promised to be back to…night to tea at nine o'clock； and now
it is nearly one in the morning； and she is not home yet。 If it
was any other girl I should not feel uneasy； for I should make up
my mind that there was extra work to be done in a hurry； and that
they were keeping her late； and I should go to bed。 But Mary is
so unfortunate in everything that happens to her； and her own
melancholy talk about herself keeps hanging on my mind so； that I
have fears on her account which would not distress me about any
one else。 It seems inexcusably silly to think such a thing； much
more to write it down； but I have a kind of nervous dread upon me
that some accident
What does that loud knocking at the street door mean？ And those
voices and heavy footsteps outside？ Some lodger who has lost his
key； I suppose。 And yet； my heart What a coward I have become
all of a sudden！
More knocking and louder voices。 I must run to the door and see
what it is。 Oh； Mary！ Mary！ I hope I am not going to have another
fright about you； but I feel sadly like it。
March 8th。
March 9th。
March 10th。
March 11th。 Oh me！ all the troubles I have ever had in my life
are as nothing to the trouble I am in now。 For three days I have
not been able to write a single line in this journal； which I
have kept so regularly ever since I was a girl。 For three days I
have not once thought of RobertI； who am always thinking of him
at other times。
My poor； dear； unhappy Mary！ the worst I feared for you on that
night when I sat up alone was far below the dreadful calamity
that has really happened。 How can I write about it； with my eyes
full of tears and my hand all of a tremble？ I don't even know why
I am sitting down at my desk now； unless it is habit that keeps
me to my old every…day task； in spite of all the grief and fear
which seem to unfit me entirely for performing it。
The people of the house were asleep and lazy on that dreadful
night； and I was the first to open the door。 Never； never could I
describe in writing； or even say in plain talk； though it is so
much easier； what I felt when I saw two policemen come in；
carrying between them what seemed to me to be a dead girl； and
that girl Mary！ I caught hold of her； and gave a scream that must
have alarmed the whole house； for frightened people came crowding
downstairs in their night…dresses。 There was a dreadful confusion
and noise of loud talking； but I heard nothing and saw nothing
till I had got her into my room and laid on my bed 。 I stooped
down； frantic…like； to kiss her； and saw an awful mark of a blow
on the left temple； and felt； at the same time； a feeble flutter
of her breath on my cheek。 The discovery that she was not dead
seemed to give me back my senses again。 I told one of the
policemen where the nearest doctor was to be found； and sat down
by the bedside while he was gone； and bathed her poor head with
cold water。 She never opened her eyes； or moved； or spoke； but
she breathed； and that was enough for me； because it was enough
for life。
The policeman left in the room was a big； thick…voiced； pompous
man； with a horrible unfeeling pleasure in hearing himself talk
before an assembly of frightened； silent people。 He told us how
he had found her； as if he had been telling a story in a
tap…room； and began with saying： 〃I don't think the young woman
was drunk。〃
Drunk！ My Mary； who might have been a born lady for all the
spirits she ever toucheddrunk！ I could have struck the man for
uttering the word； with her lyingpoor suffering angelso
white； and still； and helpless before him。 As it was； I gave him
a look； but he was too stupid to understand it； and went droning
on； saying the same thing over and over again in the same words。
And yet the story of how they found her was； like all the sad
stories I have ever heard told in real life； so very； very short。
They had just seen her lying along on the curbstone a few streets
off； and had taken her to the station…house。 There she had been
searched； and one of my cards； that I gave to ladies who promise
me employment； had been found in her pocket； and so they had
brought her to our house。 This was all the man really had to
tell。 There was nobody near her when she was found； and no
evidence to show how the blow on her temple had been inflicted。
What a time it was before the doctor came； and how dreadful to
hear him say； after he had looked at her； that he was afraid all
the medical men in the world could be of no use here！ He could
not get her to swallow anything； and the more he tried to bring
her back to her senses the less chance there seemed of his
succeeding。 He examined the blow on her temple； and said he
thought she must have fallen down in a fit of some sort； and
struck her head against the pavement； and so have given her brain
what he was afraid was a fatal shake。 I asked what was to be done
if she showed any return to sense in the night。 He said： 〃Send
for me directly〃； and stopped for a little while afterward
stroking her head gently with his hand； and whispering to
himself： 〃Poor girl； so young and so pretty！〃 I had felt； some
minutes before； as if I could have struck the policeman； and I
felt now as if I could have thrown my arms round the doctor's
neck and kissed him。 I did put out my hand when he took up his
hat； and he shook it in the friendliest way。 〃Don't hope； my
dear；〃 he said； and went out。
The rest of the lodgers followed him； all silent and shocked；
except the inhuman wretch who owns the house and lives in
idleness on the high rents he wrings from poor people like us。
〃She's three weeks in my debt；〃 says he； with a frown and an
oath。 〃Where the devil is my money to come from now？〃 Brute！
brute！
I had a long cry alone with her that seemed to ease my heart a
little。 She was not the least changed for the better when I had
wiped away the tears and could see her clearly again。 I took up
her right hand； which lay nearest to me。 It was tight clinched。 I
tried to unclasp the fingers； and succeeded after a little time。
Something dark fell out of the palm of her hand as I straightened
it。
I picked the thing up； and smoothed it out； and saw that it was
an end of a man's cravat。
A very old； rotten； dingy strip of black silk； with thin lilac
lines； all blurred and deadened with dirt； running across and
across the stuff in a sort of trellis…work pattern。 The small end
of the cravat was hemmed in the usual way； but the other end was
all jagged； as if the morsel then in my hands had been torn off
violently from the rest of the stuff。 A chill ran all over me as
I looked at it； for that poor； stained； crumpled end of a cravat
seemed to be saying to me； as though it had been in plain words：
〃If she dies； she has come to her death by foul means； and I am
the witness of it。〃
I had been frightened enough before； lest she should die suddenly
and quietly without my knowing it； while we were alone together；
but I got into a perfect agony now； for fear this last worst