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d Strutt； and his old rogue of a grandsire； have found to their cost that I can manage a lawsuit as well as another。〃 〃I don't deny what you say；〃 replied Mrs。 Bull； 〃nor do I call in question your parts； but； I say； it does not suit with your circumstances； you and your predecessors have lived in good reputation among your neighbours by this same clothing…trade； and it were madness to leave it off。 Besides； there are few that know all the tricks and cheats of these lawyers。 Does not your own experience teach you how they have drawn you on from one term to another； and how you have danced the round of all the courts； still flattering you with a final issue； and； for aught I can see； your cause is not a bit clearer than it was seven years ago。〃 〃I will be hanged；〃 says John； 〃if I accept of any composition from Strutt or his grandfather； I'll rather wheel about the streets an engine to grind knives and scissors。 However； I'll take your advice； and look over my accounts。〃
* A new Parliament： the aversion of a Tory House of Commons to war。
CHAPTER XI。 How John looked over his Attorney's Bill。*
* Looking over the accounts。
When John first brought out the bills； the surprise of all the family was unexpressible at the prodigious dimensions of them； they would have measured with the best bale of cloth in John's shop。 Fees to judges； puny judges； clerks； prothonotaries； philisers； chirographers； under…clerks； proclamators； counsel； witnesses； jurymen； marshals； tipstaffs； criers； porters； for enrollings； exemplifications； bails； vouchers； returns； caveats； examinations； filings of words； entries； declarations； replications； recordats； nolle prosequies； certioraries； mittimuses； demurrers； special verdicts； informations； scire facias； supersedeas； habeas corpus； coach…hire； treating of witnesses； etc。 〃Verily；〃 says John； 〃there are a prodigious number of learned words in this law； what a pretty science it is！〃 〃Ay but； husband； you have paid for every syllable and letter of these fine words。 Bless me； what immense sums are at the bottom of the account！〃 John spent several weeks in looking over his bills； and； by comparing and stating his accounts； he discovered that； besides the extravagance of every article； he had been egregiously cheated； that he had paid for counsel that were never fee'd； for writs that were never drawn； for dinners that were never dressed； and journeys that were never made； in short； that the tradesmen； lawyers； and Frog had agreed to throw the burden of the lawsuit upon his shoulders。
CHAPTER XII。 How John grew angry； and resolved to accept a Composition； and what Methods were practised by the Lawyers for keeping him from it。*
Well might the learned Daniel Burgess say； 〃That a lawsuit is a suit for life。 He that sows his grain upon marble will have many a hungry belly before harvest。〃 This John felt by woeful experience。 John's cause was a good milch cow； and many a man subsisted his family out of it。 However； John began to think it high time to look about him。 He had a cousin in the country； one Sir Roger Bold； whose predecessors had been bred up to the law； and knew as much of it as anybody； but having left off the profession for some time； they took great pleasure in compounding lawsuits among their neighbours； for which they were the aversion of the gentlemen of the long robe； and at perpetual war with all the country attorneys。 John put his cause in Sir Roger's hands； desiring him to make the best of it。 The news had no sooner reached the ears of the lawyers； but they were all in an uproar。 They brought all the rest of the tradesmen upon John。** Squire South swore he was betrayed； that he would starve before he compounded； Frog said he was highly wronged； even lying Ned the chimney…sweeper and Tom the dustman complained that their interest was sacrificed； the lawyers； solicitors； Hocus and his clerks； were all up in arms at the news of the composition： they abused him and his wife most shamefully。 〃You silly； awkward； ill…bred country sow；〃 quoth one； 〃have you no more manners than to rail at Hocus that has saved that clod…pated numskulled ninny…hammer of yours from ruin； and all his family？ It is well known how he has rose early and sat up late to make him easy； when he was sotting at every alehouse in town。 I knew his last wife： she was a woman of breeding； good humour； and complaisanceknew how to live in the world。 As for you； you look like a puppet moved by clockwork； your clothes hang upon you as they were upon tenter…hooks； and you come into a room as you were going to steal away a pint pot。 Get you gone in the country； to look after your mother's poultry； to milk the cows； churn the butter； and dress up nosegays for a holiday； and not meddle with matters which you know no more of than the sign…post before your door。 It is well known that Hocus has an established reputation； he never swore an oath； nor told a lie； in all his life； he is grateful to his benefactors； faithful to his friends； liberal to his dependents； and dutiful to his superiors； he values not your money more than the dust under his feet； but he hates to be abused。 Once for all； Mrs。 Minx； leave off talking of Hocus； or I will pull out these saucer…eyes of yours； and make that redstreak country face look as raw as an ox…cheek upon a butcher's…stall； remember； I say； that there are pillories and ducking…stools。〃*** With this away they flung； leaving Mrs。 Bull no time to reply。 No stone was left unturned to frighten John from his composition。 Sometimes they spread reports at coffee…houses that John and his wife were run mad； that they intended to give up house； and make over all their estate to Lewis Baboon； that John had been often heard talking to himself； and seen in the streets without shoes or stockings； that he did nothing from morning till night but beat his servants； after having been the best master alive。 As for his wife； she was a mere natural。 Sometimes John's house was beset with a whole regiment of attornies' clerks； bailiffs； and bailiffs' followers； and other small retainers of the law； who threw stones at his windows； and dirt at himself as he went along the street。 When John complained of want of ready…money to carry on his suit； they advised him to pawn his plate and jewels； and that Mrs。 Bull should sell her linen and wearing clothes。
* Talk of peace； and the struggle of the party against it。 ** The endeavours made use of to stop the Treaty of Peace； *** Reflections upon the House of Commons as ignorant； who know nothing of business。
CHAPTER XIII。 Mrs。 Bull's vindication of the indispensable duty incumbent upon Wives in case of the Tyranny； Infidelity； or Insufficiency of Husbands； being a full Answer to the Doctor's Sermon against Adultery。*
* The Tories' representation of the speeches at Sacheverel's trial。
John found daily fresh proofs of the infidelity and bad designs of his deceased wife； amongst other things； one day looking over his cabinet； he found the following paper：
〃It is evident that matrimony is founded upon an original contract； whereby the wife makes over the right she has by the law of Nature in favour of the husband； by which h