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5 midnigh+sun-第53章

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meant that I could be with Bella。 
〃I was wrong about you on one other thing as well;〃 I went on; setting the record 
straight on another point。  〃You're not a magnet for accidents—that's not a broad enough 
classification。  You are a magnet for trouble。  If there is anything dangerous within a ten… 
mile radius; it will invariably find you。〃  Why her?  What had she done to deserve any of 
this? 
Bella's face turned serious again。  〃And you put yourself into that category?〃 
Honesty was more important in regards to this question than any other。 
〃Unequivocally。〃 
Her eyes narrowed slightly—not suspicious now; but oddly concerned。  She 
reached her hand across the table again; slowly and deliberately。  I pulled my hands an 
inch away from her; but she ignored that; determined to touch me。  I held my breath—not 
because of her scent now; but because of the sudden; overwhelming tension。  Fear。  My 
skin would disgust her。  She would run away。 
She brushed her fingertips lightly across the back of my hand。  The heat of her 
gentle; willing touch was like nothing I'd ever felt before。  It was almost pure pleasure。 
? 2008 Stephenie Meyer 
 
189 

Would have been; except for my fear。  I watched her face as she felt the cold stone of my 
skin; still unable to breathe。 
A half…smile turned up the corners of her lips。 
〃Thank you;〃 she said; meeting my stare with an intense gaze of her own。  〃That's 
twice now。〃 
Her soft fingers lingered on my hand as if they found it pleasant to be there。 
I answered her as casually as I was able。  〃Let's not try for three; agreed?〃 
She grimaced at that; but nodded。 
I pulled my hands out from under hers。  As exquisite as her touch felt; I wasn't 
going to wait for the magic of her tolerance to pass; to turn to revulsion。  I hid my hands 
under the table。 
I read her eyes; though her mind was silent; I could perceive both trust and 
wonder there。  I realized in that moment that I wanted to answer her questions。  Not 
because I owed it to her。  Not because I wanted her to trust me。 
I wanted her to know me。 
〃I followed you to Port Angeles;〃 I told her; the words spilling out too quickly for 
me to edit them。  I knew the danger of the truth; the risk I was taking。  At any moment; 
her unnatural calm could shatter into hysterics。  Contrarily; knowing this only had me 
talking faster。  〃I've never tried to keep a specific person alive before and it's much more 
troublesome than I would have believed。  But that's probably just because it's you。 
Ordinary people seem to make it through the day without so many catastrophes。〃 
I watched her; waiting。 
She smiled。  Her lips curved up at the edges; and her chocolate eyes warmed。 
I'd just admitted to stalking her; and she was smiling。 
〃Did you ever think that maybe my number was up that first time; with the van; 
and that you've been interfering with fate?〃 she asked。 
〃That wasn't the first time;〃 I said; staring down at the dark maroon table cloth; 
my shoulders bowed in shame。  My barriers were down; the truth still spilling free 
recklessly。  〃Your number was up the first time I met you。〃 
It was true; and it angered me。  I had been positioned over her life like the blade 
of a guillotine。  It was as if she had been marked for death by some cruel; unjust fate; 
? 2008 Stephenie Meyer 
 
190 

and—since I'd proved an unwilling tool—that same fate continued to try to execute her。 
I imagined the fate personified—a grisly; jealous hag; a vengeful harpy。 
I wanted something; someone; to be responsible for this—so that I would have 
something concrete to fight against。  Something; anything to destroy; so that Bella could 
be safe。 
Bella was very quiet; her breathing had accelerated。 
I looked up at her; knowing I would finally see the fear I was waiting for。  Had I 
not just admitted how close I'd been to killing her?  Closer than the van that had come 
within slim inches of crushing her。  And yet; her face was still calm; her eyes still 
tightened only with concern。 
〃You remember?〃  She had to remember that。 
〃Yes;〃 she said; her voice level and grave。  Her deep eyes were full of awareness。 
She knew。  She knew that I had wanted to murder her。 
Where were the screams? 
〃And yet here you sit;〃 I said; pointing out the inherent contradiction。 
〃Yes; here I sit?because of you。〃  Her expression altered; turned curious; as she 
unsubtly changed the subject。  〃Because somehow you knew how to find me today??〃 
Hopelessly; I pushed one more time at the barrier that protected her thoughts; 
desperate to understand。  It made no logical sense to me。  How could she even care about 
the rest with that glaring truth on the table? 
She waited; only curious。  Her skin was pale; which was natural for her; but it still 
concerned me。  Her dinner sat nearly untouched in front of her。  If I continued to tell her 
too much; she was going to need a buffer when the shock wore off。 
I named my terms。  〃You eat; I'll talk。〃 
She processed that for half a second; and then threw a bite in her mouth with a 
speed that belied her calm。  She was more anxious for my answer than her eyes let on。 
〃It's harder than it should be—keeping track of you;〃 I told her。  〃Usually I can 
find someone very easily; once I've heard their mind before。〃 
I watched her face carefully as I said this。  Guessing right was one thing; having it 
confirmed was another。 
? 2008 Stephenie Meyer 
 
191 

She was motionless; her eyes wide。  I felt my teeth clench together as I waited for 
her panic。 
But she just blinked once; swallowed loudly; and then quickly scooped another 
bite into her mouth。  She wanted me to continue。 
〃I was keeping tabs on Jessica;〃 I went on; watching each word as it sank in。 
〃Not carefully—like I said; only you could find trouble in Port Angeles—〃 I couldn't 
resist adding that。  Did she realize that other human lives were not so plagued with near 
death experiences; or did she think she was normal?  She was the furthest thing from 
normal I'd ever encountered。  〃And at first I didn't notice when you took off on your 
own。  Then; when I realized that you weren't with her anymore; I went looking for you at 
the bookstore I saw in her head。  I could tell that you hadn't gone in; and that you'd gone 
south?and I knew you would have to turn around soon。  So I was just waiting for you; 
randomly searching through the thoughts of people on the street—to see if anyone had 
noticed you so I would know where you were。  I had no reason to be worried?but I was 
strangely anxious?〃  My breath came faster as I remembered that feeling of panic。  Her 
scent blazed in my throat and I was glad。  It was a pain that meant she was alive。  As long 
as I burned; she was safe。 
〃I started to drive in circles; still?listening。〃  I hoped the word made sense to her。 
This had to be confusing。  〃The sun was finally setting; and I was about to get out; and 
follow you on foot。  And then—〃 
As the memory took me—perfectly clear and as vivid as if I was in the moment 
again—I felt the same murderous fury wash through my body; locking it into ice。 
I wanted him dead。  I needed him dead。  My jaw
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