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〃So；〃 he said to the girl； his eyes on the floor。 〃Jessica asked me to the spring
dance。〃
〃That's great；〃 Bella answered immediately and with enthusiasm。 It was hard not
to smile as her tone sunk in to Mike's awareness。 He'd been hoping for dismay。 〃You'll
have a lot of fun with Jessica。〃
He scrambled for the right response。 〃Well？〃 he hesitated； and almost
chickened out。 Then he rallied。 〃I told her I had to think about it。〃
〃Why would you do that？〃 she demanded。 Her tone was one of disapproval； but
there was the faintest hint of relief there as well。
What did that mean？ An unexpected； intense fury made my hands clench into
fists。
Mike did not hear the relief。 His face was red with blood—fierce as I suddenly
felt； this seemed like an invitation—and he looked at the floor again as he spoke。
〃I was wondering if？well； if you might be planning to ask me。〃
Bella hesitated。
In that moment of her hesitation； I saw the future more clearly than Alice ever
had。
The girl might say yes to Mike's unspoken question now； and she might not； but
either way； someday soon； she would say yes to someone。 She was lovely and intriguing；
and human males were not oblivious to this fact。 Whether she would settle for someone
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in this lackluster crowd； or wait until she was free from Forks； the day would come that
she would say yes。
I saw her life as I had before—college； career？love； marriage。 I saw her on her
father's arm again； dressed in gauzy white； her face flushed with happiness as she moved
to the sound of Wagner's march。
The pain was more than anything I'd felt before。 A human would have to be on
the point of death to feel this pain—a human would not live through it。
And not just pain； but outright rage。
The fury ached for some kind of physical outlet。 Though this insignificant；
undeserving boy might not be the one that Bella would say yes to； I yearned to crush his
skull in my hand； to let him stand as a representative for whoever it would be。
I didn't understand this emotion—it was such a tangle of pain and rage and desire
and despair。 I had never felt it before； I couldn't put a name to it。
〃Mike； I think you should tell her yes；〃 Bella said in a gentle voice。
Mike's hopes plummeted。 I would have enjoyed that under other circumstances；
but I was lost in the aftershock of the pain—and the remorse for what the pain and rage
had done to me。
Alice was right。 I was not strong enough。
Right now； Alice would be watching the future spin and twist； become mangled
again。 Would this please her？
〃Did you already ask someone？〃 Mike asked sullenly。 He glanced at me；
suspicious for the first time in many weeks。 I realized I had betrayed my interest； my
head was inclined in Bella's direction。
The wild envy in his thoughts—envy for whoever this girl preferred to him—
suddenly put a name to my unnamed emotion。
I was jealous。
〃No；〃 the girl said with a trace of humor in her voice。 〃I'm not going to the dance
at all。〃
Through all the remorse and anger； I felt relief at her words。 Suddenly； I was
considering my rivals。
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97
〃Why not？〃 Mike asked； his tone almost rude。 It offended me that he used this
tone with her。 I bit back a growl。
〃I'm going to Seattle that Saturday；〃 she answered。
The curiosity was not as vicious as it would have been before—now that I was
fully intending to find out the answers to everything。 I would know the wheres and whys
of this new revelation soon enough。
Mike's tone turned unpleasantly wheedling。 〃Can't you go some other
weekend？〃
〃Sorry； no。〃 Bella was brusquer now。 〃So you shouldn't make Jess wait any
longer—it's rude。〃
Her concern for Jessica's feelings fanned the flames of my jealousy。 This Seattle
trip was clearly an excuse to say no—did she refuse purely out of loyalty to her friend？
She was more than selfless enough for that。 Did she actually wish she could say yes？ Or
were both guesses wrong？ Was she interested in someone else？
〃Yeah； you're right；〃 Mike mumbled； so demoralized that I almost felt pity for
him。 Almost。
He dropped his eyes from the girl； cutting off my view of her face in his thoughts。
I wasn't going to tolerate that。
I turned to read her face myself； for the first time in more than a month。 It was a
sharp relief to allow myself this； like a gasp of air to long…submerged human lungs。
Her eyes were closed； and her hands pressed against the sides of her face。 Her
shoulders curved inward defensively。 She shook her head ever so slightly； as if she were
trying to push some thought from her mind。
Frustrating。 Fascinating。
Mr。 Banner's voice pulled her from her reverie； and her eyes slowly opened。 She
looked at me immediately； perhaps sensing my gaze。 She stared up into my eyes with the
same bewildered expression that had haunted me for so long。
I didn't feel the remorse or the guilt or the rage in that second。 I knew they would
come again； and come soon； but for this one moment I rode a strange； jittery high。 As if I
had triumphed； rather than lost。
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She didn't look away； though I stared with inappropriate intensity； trying vainly to
read her thoughts through her liquid brown eyes。 They were full of questions； rather than
answers。
I could see the reflection of my own eyes； and I saw that they were black with
thirst。 It had been nearly two weeks since my last hunting trip； this was not the safest day
for my will to crumble。 But the blackness did not seem to frighten her。 She still did not
look away； and a soft； devastatingly appealing pink began to color her skin。
What was she thinking now？
I almost asked the question aloud； but at that moment Mr。 Banner called my
name。 I picked the correct answer out of his head while I glanced briefly in his direction。
I sucked in a quick breath。 〃The Krebs Cycle。〃
Thirst scorched down my throat—tightening my muscles and filling my mouth
with venom—and I closed my eyes； trying to concentrate through the desire for her blood
that raged inside me。
The monster was stronger than before。 The monster was rejoicing。 He embraced
this dual future that gave him an even； fifty…fifty chance at what he craved so viciously。
The third； shaky future I'd tried to construct through willpower alone had crumbled—
destroyed by common jealously； of all things—and he was so much closer to his goal。
The remorse and the guilt burned with the thirst； and； if I'd had the ability to
produce tears； they would have filled my eyes now。
What had I done？
Knowing the battle was already lost； there seemed to be no reason to resist what I
wanted； I turned to stare at the girl again。
She had hidden in her hair； but I could see through a parting in the tresses that her
cheek was deep crimson now。
The monster liked that。
She did not meet my gaze again； but she twisted a strand of her dark hair
nervously between her fingers。 Her delicate fingers； her fragile wrist—they were so
breakable； looking for all the world like just my breath could snap them。
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