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we two-第59章

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atheism; have at intervals for the last thirty years been annoying and insulting your father; that in withstanding their attacks he has often received bodily injury; and that the atheists have so often driven him into the law courts that he has been pretty nearly beggared。  All his privations you have shared for instance; you went with him and lived for years in a poky little lodging; and denied yourself every single luxury。  But now you have; in spite of all these persecutions carried on in the name of secularism; learned to see that the highest form of secularism is true。  The archbishop feels this terribly。  However; being a very loving father; he wisely refuses to indulge in perpetual controversy with his child。  You agree still to live together; and each try with all your might to find all the possible points of union still left you。  Probably; if you are such a child as I imagine; you love your father ten times more than you did before。  Then just as you have made up your mind to try to be more to him; when all you care about in life is to comfort and help him; and when your heart is much occupied with your new opinions; a friend of yours a secularist comes to you; and says: 'A miserable life lies before you。  The atheists will never thoroughly take up with you while you live with your father the archbishop; and of course it is wretched for you to be surrounded by those of another creed。  Come with me。  I love you I will make you happy; and save you from persecution。〃

In spite of himself Brian had smiled many times at this putting of an Archbishop of Canterbury into the position of Luke Raeburn。  But the conclusion arrived at seemed to him to admit of only one answer; and left him very grave。

〃You may be right;〃 he said; very sadly。 〃But to stand still and watch her suffer〃

He broke off; unable to finish his sentence。

Charles Osmond took it up。

〃To stand still and watch her suffer will be the terribly hard work of a brave man who takes a true; deep view。  To rush in with offers of help would be the work of an impetuous man who took a very superficial view。  If Erica were selfish; I would say go and appeal to her selfishness; and marry her at once; for selfishness will never do any good in Guilford Terrace。  But she is one of the most devoted women I know。  Your appeal would be rejected。  I believe she will feel herself in the right place there; and; as long as that is the case; nothing will move her。〃

〃Father;〃 said Brian; rather desperately; 〃I would take your opinion before any other opinion in the world。  You know her well far better than I do。  Tell me honestly do you think she could ever love me?〃

〃You have given me a hard task;〃 said Charles Osmond。  〃But you have asked for my honest opinion; and you must have it。  As long as her father lives I don't believe Erica will ever love a man well enough to marry him。  I remember; in my young days; a beautiful girl in our neighborhood; the belle of the whole county; and years went by; and she had countless offers; but she rejected them all。  People used to remonstrate with her; and ask her how it was。  'Oh;' she used to reply; 'that is very easily explained。。  I never see a man I think equal to my own brothers!'  Now; whatever faults Raeburn has; we may be sure Erica sees far less plainly than we see; and nobody can deny that he is a grand fellow。  When one bears in mind all that he has had against him; his nobility of character seems to me marvelous。  He puts us to shame。  And that is why he seems to me the wholesome though powerful medicine for this nineteenth century of ours; with its great professions and its un…Christlike lives。〃

〃What is the use of patience what is the use of love;〃 exclaimed Brian; 〃if I am never to serve her?〃

〃Never!  Who said so?〃 said his father smiling。  〃Why; you have been serving her every blessed day since you first loved her。  Is unspoken love worth nothing?  Are prayers useless?  Is it of no service to let your light shine?  But I see how it is。  As a doctor; you look upon pain as the one great enemy to be fought with; to be bound down; to be conquered。  You want to shield Erica from pain; which she can't be shielded from; if she is to go on growing。

〃'Knowledge by suffering entereth!'

No one would so willingly indorse the truth of that as she herself。  And it will be so to the end of the chapter。  You can't shut her up in a beautiful casket; and keep her from all pain。  If you could she would no longer be the Erica you love。  As for the rest; I may be wrong。  She may have room for wifely love even now。  I have only told you what I think。  And whether she ever be your wife or not and from my heart I hope she may be your love will in no case be wasted。  Pure love can't be wasted; it's an impossibility。〃

Brian sighed heavily; but made no answer。  Presently he took up his hat and went out。  He walked on and on without the faintest idea of time or place; occupied only with the terrible struggle which was going on in his heart; which seemed only endurable with the help of rapid and mechanical exercise。  When at length he came to himself; he was miles away from home; right down at Shepherd's Bush; and he heard the church clocks striking twelve。  Then he turned back; and walked home more quietly; his resolution made。

If he told Erica of his love; and she refused him now; he should not only add to her troubles; but he should inevitably put an end to the comfort of the close friendship which now existed between the two families。  He would keep silence。

Erica and her father returned on the Saturday; and then began a most trying time。  Tom seemed to shrink from her just as he had done at the time of her mother's death。  He was shy and vexed; too; and kept as much out of her way as possible。  Mrs。 Craigie; on the contrary; could not leave her alone。  In spite of her brother's words; she tried every possible argument and remonstrance in the hope of reconvincing her niece。  With the best intentions; she was often grossly unfair; and Erica; with a naturally quick temper; and her Raeburn inheritance of fluency and satire; found her patience sorely tried。  Raeburn was excessively busy; and they saw very little of him; perhaps he thought it expedient that Erica should fight her own battles; and fully realize the seriousness of the steps she had taken。

〃Have you thought;〃 urged Mrs。 Craigie; as a last argument 〃have you thought what offense you will give to our whole party?  What do you think they will slay when they learn that you of all people have deserted the cause?〃

The tears started to Erica's eyes; for naturally she did feel this a great deal。  But she answered bravely; and with a sort of ring in her voice; which made Tom look up from his newspaper。

〃They will know that Luke Raeburn's daughter must be true to her convictions at whatever cost。〃

〃Will you go on writing in the 'Idol'?〃 asked Tom; for the first time making an observation to her which was not altogether necessary。

〃No;〃 said Erica 〃how can I?〃

Tom shrugged his shoulders; and made no further remark。

〃Then how do you mean to live?  How else can you support yourself?〃 asked Aunt Jean。

〃I don't know;〃 said Erica。  〃I must get some o
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