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vain struggle to save himself he fell to the earth a vision of fierce faces； green leaves； and blue sky flashed before his eyes； an inward vision of Erica； a moment's agony； and then the surging crowd closed over him； and he knew no more。
CHAPTER XVII。 At Death's Door
Sorrow and wrong are pangs of a new birth； All we who suffer bleed for one another； No life may live alone； but all in all； We lie within the tomb of our dead selves； Waiting till One command us to arise。 Hon。 Boden Noel。
Knowing that Erica would have a very anxious afternoon； Charles Osmond gave up his brief midday rest； snatched a hasty lunch at a third…rate restaurant； finished his parish visits sooner than usual； and reached the little house in Guilford Terrace in time to share the worst part of her waiting。 He found her hard at work as usual； her table strewn with papers and books of reference。 Raeburn had purposely left her some work to do for him which he knew would fully occupy her； but the mere fact that she knew he had done it on purpose to engross her mind with other matters entirely prevented her from giving it her full attention。 She had never felt more thankful to see Charles Osmond than at that moment。
〃When your whole heart and mind are in Hyde Park； how are you to drag them back to what some vindictive old early Father said about the eternity of punishment？〃 she exclaimed； with a smile； which very thinly disguised her consuming anxiety。
They sat down near the open window； Erica taking possession of that side which commanded the view of the entrance of the cul…de…sac。 Charles Osmond did not speak for a minute or two； but sat watching her； trying to realize to himself what such anxiety as hers must be。 She was evidently determined to keep outwardly calm； not to let her fears gain undue power over her； but she could not conceal the nervous trembling which beset her at every sound of wheels in the quiet square； nor did she know that in her brave eyes there lurked the most visible manifestation possible of haggard； anxious waiting。 She sat with her watch in her hand； the little watch that Eric Haeberlein had given her when she was almost a child； and which； even in the days of their greatest poverty； her father had never allowed her to part with。 What strange hours it had often measured for her。 Age…long hours of grief； weary days of illness and pain； times of eager expectation； times of sickening anxiety； times of mental conflict； of baffling questions and perplexities。 How the hands seemed to creep on this afternoon； at times almost to stand still。
〃Now； I suppose if you were in my case you would pray；〃 said Erica； raising her eyes to Charles Osmond。 〃It must be a relief； but yet； when you come to analyze it； it is most illogical a fearful waste of time。 If there is a God who works by fixed laws； and who sees the whole maze of every one's life before hand； then the particular time and manner of my father's death must be already appointed； and no prayer of mine that he may come safely through this afternoon's danger can be of the least avail。 Besides； if a God could be turned round from His original purpose by human wills and much speaking； I hardly think He would be worth believing in。〃
〃You are taking the lowest view of prayer mere petition； but even that； I think； is set on its right footing as soon as we grasp the true conception of the ideal father。 Do you mean to say that； because your father's rules were unwavering and his day's work marked out beforehand； he did not like you to come to him when you were a little child； with all your wishes and longings and requests； even though they were sometimes childish and often impossible to gratify？ Would he have been better pleased if you had shut up everything in your own heart； and never of your own accord told him anything about your babyish plans and wants？〃
〃Still； prayer seems to me a waste of time；〃 said Erica。
〃What！ If it brings you a talk with your Father？ If it is a relief to you and a pleasure because a sign of trust and love to Him？ But in one way I entirely agree with you； unless it is spontaneous it is not only useless but harmful。 Imagine a child forced to talk to its father。 And this seems to me the truest defense of prayer； to the 'natural man' it always will seem foolishness； to the 'spiritual man' to one who has recognized the All…Father it is the absolute necessity of life。 And I think by degrees one passes from eager petition for personal and physical good things into the truer and more Christlike spirit of prayer。 'These are my fears； these are my wishes； but not my will but Thine be done。' Shakespeare had got hold of a grand truth； it seems to me； when he said：
〃'So find we profit by losing of our prayers。'〃
〃And yet your ideal man distinctly said： 'Ask and ye shall receive'〃 said Erica。 〃There are no limitations。 For aught we know； some pig…headed fanatic may be at this moment praying that God in His mercy would rid the earth of that most dangerous man； Luke Raeburn； while I might be of course I am not； but it is conceivable that I might be praying for his safety。 Both of us might claim the same promise； 'Ask and ye shall receive。'〃
〃You forget one thing；〃 said Charles Osmond。 〃You would both pray to the Father； and His answer which you； by the way； might consider no answer would be the answer of a father。 Do you not think the fanatic would certainly find profit in having his most unbrotherly request disregarded？ And the true loss or gain of prayer would surely be in this： The fanatic would； by his un…Christlike request； put himself further from God； you； by your spontaneous and natural avowal of need and recognition of a Supreme loving will； would draw nearer to God。 Nor do we yet at all understand the extraordinary influence exerted on others by any steady； earnest concentration of thought； science is but just awakening to the fact that there is an unknown power which we have hitherto never dreamed of。 I have great hope that in this direction； as in all others； science may show us the hidden workings of our Father。〃
Erica forgot her anxiety for a moment； she was watching Charles Osmond's face with mingled curiosity and perplexity。 To speak to one whose belief in the Unseen seemed stronger and more influential than most people's belief in the seen； was always very strange to her； and with her prophet she was almost always conscious of this double life （SHE considered it double a real outer and an imaginary inner。） His strong conviction； the every…day language which he used in speaking of those truths which most people from a mistaken notion of reverence； wrap up in a sort of ecclesiastical phraseology； above all； the carrying out in his life of the idea of universal brotherhood； with so many a mere form of words all served to impress Erica very deeply。 She knew him too well and loved him too truly to pause often； as it were； to analyze his character。 Every now and then； however； some new phase was borne in upon her； and some chance word； emphasizing the difference between them； forced her from sheer honesty to own how much that was noble seemed in him to be the outcome of faith in Christ。
They went a lit