按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
ibly pray。 Only these two iron seats； one each side of the gaunt gas lamp that glared down upon them。 Even the withered shrubs were fenced off behind a railing。 A ragged figure sprawled upon the bench opposite to her。 It snored gently； and its breath came laden with the odour of cheap whisky。
But it was her Gethsemane： the best that Fate had been able to do for her。 It was here that her choice would be made。 She felt that。
And there rose before her the vision of that other Garden of Gethsemane with； below it； the soft lights of the city shining through the trees； and above； clear against the star…lit sky； the cold； dark cross。
It was only a little cross； hers； by comparison。 She could see that。 They seemed to be standing side by side。 But then she was only a womanlittle more than a girl。 And her courage was so small。 She thought He ought to know that。 For her； it was quite a big cross。 She wondered if He had been listening to all her arguments。 There was really a good deal of sense in some of them。 Perhaps He would understand。 Not all His prayer had come down to us。 He； too； had put up a fight for life。 He； too； was young。 For Him； also； life must have seemed but just beginning。 Perhaps He； too； had felt that His duty still lay among the people teaching； guiding； healing them。 To Him； too； life must have been sweet with its noble work； its loving comradeship。 Even from Him the words had to be wrung： 〃Thy will； not Mine； be done。〃
She whispered them at last。 Not bravely； at all。 Feebly； haltingly； with a little sob： her forehead pressed against the cold iron seat； as if that could help her。
She thought that even then God might reconsider itsee her point of view。 Perhaps He would send her a sign。
The ragged figure on the bench opposite opened its eyes； stared at her； then went to sleep again。 A prowling cat paused to rub itself against her foot； but meeting no response； passed on。 Through an open window； somewhere near； filtered the sound of a child's low whimpering。
It was daylight when she awoke。 She was cold and her limbs ached。 Slowly her senses came back to her。 The seat opposite was vacant。 The gas lamp showed but a faint blue point of flame。 Her dress was torn； her boots soiled and muddy。 Strands of her hair had escaped from underneath her hat。
She looked at her watch。 Fortunately it was still early。 She would be able to let herself in before anyone was up。 It was but a little way。 She wondered； while rearranging her hair； what day it was。 She would find out； when she got home； from the newspaper。
In the street she paused a moment and looked back through the railings。 It seemed even still more sordid in the daylight： the sooty grass and the withered shrubs and the asphalte pathway strewn with dirty paper。 And again a laugh she could not help broke from her。 Her Garden of Gethsemane！
She sent a brief letter round to Phillips； and a telegram to the nurse； preparing them for what she meant to do。 She had just time to pack a small trunk and catch the morning train。 At Folkestone； she drove first to a house where she herself had once lodged and fixed things to her satisfaction。 The nurse was waiting for her in the downstairs room； and opened the door to her。 She was opposed to Joan's interference。 But Joan had come prepared for that。 〃Let me have a talk with her；〃 she said。 〃I think I've found out what it is that is causing all the trouble。〃
The nurse shot her a swift glance。 〃I'm glad of that；〃 she said dryly。 She let Joan go upstairs。
Mrs。 Phillips was asleep。 Joan seated herself beside the bed and waited。 She had not yet made herself up for the day and the dyed hair was hidden beneath a white； close…fitting cap。 The pale； thin face with its closed eyes looked strangely young。 Suddenly the thin hands clasped； and her lips moved； as if she were praying in her sleep。 Perhaps she also was dreaming of Gethsemane。 It must be quite a crowded garden； if only we could see it。
After a while； her eyes opened。 Joan drew her chair nearer and slipped her arm in under her； and their eyes met。
〃You're not playing the game；〃 whispered Joan； shaking her head。 〃I only promised on condition that you would try to get well。〃
The woman made no attempt to deny。 Something told her that Joan had learned her secret。 She glanced towards the door。 Joan had closed it。
〃Don't drag me back；〃 she whispered。 〃It's all finished。〃 She raised herself up and put her arms about Joan's neck。 〃It was hard at first； and I hated you。 And then it came to me that this was what I had been wanting to do； all my lifesomething to help him； that nobody else could do。 Don't take it from me。〃
〃I know；〃 whispered Joan。 〃I've been there； too。 I knew you were doing it； though I didn't quite know howtill the other day。 I wouldn't think。 I wanted to pretend that I didn't。 I know all you can say。 I've been listening to it。 It was right of you to want to give it all up to me for his sake。 But it would be wrong of me to take it。 I don't quite see why。 I can't explain it。 But I mustn't。 So you see it would be no good。〃
〃But I'm so useless；〃 pleaded the woman。
〃I said that；〃 answered Joan。 〃I wanted to do it and I talked and talked； so hard。 I said everything I could think of。 But that was the only answer： I mustn't do it。〃
They remained for a while with their arms round one another。 It struck Joan as curious； even at the time； that all feeling of superiority had gone out of her。 They might have been two puzzled children that had met one another on a path that neither knew。 But Joan was the stronger character。
〃I want you to give me up that box；〃 she said； 〃and to come away with me where I can be with you and take care of you until you are well。〃
Mrs。 Phillips made yet another effort。 〃Have you thought about him？〃 she asked。
Joan answered with a faint smile。 〃Oh； yes；〃 she said。 〃I didn't forget that argument in case it hadn't occurred to the Lord。〃
〃Perhaps；〃 she added； 〃the helpmate theory was intended to apply only to our bodies。 There was nothing said about our souls。 Perhaps God doesn't have to work in pairs。 Perhaps we were meant to stand alone。〃
Mrs。 Phillips's thin hands were playing nervously with the bed clothes。 There still seemed something that she had to say。 As if Joan hadn't thought of everything。 Her eyes were fixed upon the narrow strip of light between the window curtains。
〃You don't think you could； dear；〃 she whispered； 〃if I didn't do anything wicked any more。 But just let things take their course。〃
〃You see； dear；〃 she went on； her face still turned away； 〃I thought it all finished。 It will be hard for me to go back to him； knowing as I do now that he doesn't want me。 I shall always feel that I am in his way。 And Hilda；〃 she added after a pause； 〃she will hate me。〃
Joan looked at the white patient face and was silent。 What would be the use of senseless contradiction。 The woman knew。 It would only seem an added stab of mockery。 She knelt beside the bed； and took the thin hands in hers。
〃I think God must want you very badly；〃 she said； 〃or He wouldn't have laid so heavy a cross upon yo