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become intelligible or when they experience a like difficulty with
him。 Upon an earlier occasion； before he had made so much progress；
being one day left to his own resources； and feeling an internal lack；
he entered what appeared to be a tea…shop of reputable demeanour； and；
seating himself at one of the little marble tables； he freely
pronounced the carefully…learned word 〃rice〃 to the attending nymph。
To put aside all details of preparation （into which； indeed； this
person could not enter） he waved his hand gracefully； at the same time
smiling with an expression of tolerant acquiescence； as of one who
would say that what was good enough to be cooked and offered by so
entrancing a maiden was good enough to be eaten by him。 After
remaining in unruffled tranquillity for the full portion of an hour；
and observing that no other person around had to wait above half that
period； this one began to perceive that the enterprise was not likely
to terminate in a manner satisfactory to himself； so that； leaving
this place with a few well…chosen phrases of intolerable regret in his
own tongue； he entered another； and conducted himself in a like
fashion。 。 。 。 Towards evening； with an unperturbed exterior； but
materially afflicted elsewhere； this person seated himself within the
eleventh tea…shop； and； pointing first towards his own constituents of
digestion； then at the fire； and lastly in an upward direction；
thereby signified to any not of stunted intellect that he had reached
such a condition of mind and body that he was ready to consume
whatever the ruling deities were willing to allot； whether boiled；
baked； roast； or suspended from a skewer。 In this resolve nothing
would move him； untilafter many maidens had approached with
outstretched hands and gestures of despairthere presently entered a
person wearing the helmet of a warrior and the manner of a high
official； who spoke strongly； yet persuasively； of the virtues of
immediate movement and a quiet and reposeful bearing。
Assuredly a people who devote so little attention to the study of
food； and all matters connected with it； must inevitably remain
barbaric； however skilfully they may feign a superficial refinement。
It is said； although I do not commit this matter to my own brush； that
among them are more books composed on subjects which have no actual
existence than on cooking； and； incredible as it may appear； to be
exceptionally round…bodied confers no public honour upon the
individual。 Should a favourable occasion present itself； there are
many who do not scruple to jest upon the subject of food； or； what is
incalculably more depraved； upon the scarcity of it。
Nevertheless； there are exceptions of a highly distinguished radiance。
Among these must be accounted one into whose presence this person was
recently led by our polished and harmonious friend Quang…Tsun； the
merchant in tea and spices。 This versatile person； whose business…name
is spoken of as Jones Bob…Jones； is worthy of all benignant respect；
and in a really enlightened country would doubtless be raised to a
more exalted position than that of a breaker of outsides （an
occupation difficult to express adequately in the written language of
a country where it is unknown）； for his face is like the sun setting
in the time of harvest； his waist garment excessive； and the undoubted
symmetry of his middle portions honourable in the extreme。 So welcome
in my eyes； after witnessing an unending stream of concave and
attenuated barbarian ghosts； was the sight of these perfections of
Jones Bob…Jones； that instead of the formal greeting of this
Islandthe unmeaning 〃How do you do it？〃I shook hands cordially
with myself； and exclaimed affectionately in our own language；
〃Illimitable felicities！ How is your stomach？〃
〃Well；〃 replied Jones Bob…Jones； after Quang…Tsun had interpreted this
polite salutation to his understanding； 〃since you mention it； that's
just the trouble； but I'm going on pretty well； thanks。 I've tried
most of the advertised things； and now my doctor has put me
practically on a bread…and…water courseclear soup； boiled fish；
plain joint； no sweets； a crumb of cheese； and a bare three glasses of
Hermitage。〃
During this amiable remark （of which； as it is somewhat of a technical
nature； I was unable to grasp the contained significance until the
agreeable Quang…Tsun had subsequently repeated it several times for
my retention）； I maintained a consistent expression of harmonious
agreement and gratified esteem （suitable； I find； for all like
occasions）； and then； judging from the sympathetic animation of Jones
Bob…Jones's countenance； that it had not improbably been connected
with food； I discreetly introduced the subject of sea…snails；
preserved in the essence of crushed peaches； by courteously inquiring
whether he had ever partaken of such a delicacy。
〃No；〃 replied the liberal…minded person； whenencouraged by the
protruding eagerness of his eyes at the mention of the viandI had
further spoken of the refined flavour of the dish； and explained the
manner of its preparation。 〃I can't say that I have； but it sounds
uncommonly goodsomething like turtle； I should imagine。 I'll see if
they can get it for me at Pimm's。〃
This filial tribute goes by a trusty hand； in the person of one Ki
Nihy； who is shortly committing himself to the protection of his
ancestors and the voracity of the unbounded Bitter Waters； and with
brightness and gold it will doubtless reach you in the course of
twelve or eighteen moons。 The superstitious here； this person may
describe； when they wish to send messages from one to another；
inscribe upon the outer cover a written representation of the one
whose habitation they require； and after affixing a small paper
talisman； drop it into a hole in the nearest wall； in the hope that it
may be ultimately conveyed to the appointed spot； either by the
services of the charitably…disposed passer…by； or by the intervention
of the beneficent deities。
With a multiplicity of greetings and many abject expressions of a
conscious inferiority； and attested by an unvarying thumb…mark。
KONG HO。
（Effete branch of a pure and magnanimous trunk。）
To Kong Ah…Paik； reclining beneath the sign of the Lead Tortoise； in a
northerly direction beyond the Lotus Beds outside the city of
Yuen…ping。 The Middle Flowery Kingdom。
LETTER II
Concerning the ill…destined manner of existence of the hound
Hercules。 The thoug