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〃_I_ am。〃
This was a more than awkward； it was a painful； moment for me； and I
am afraid I must have started or winced； for he instantly begged my
pardon。
〃I don't know；〃 he exclaimed； 〃why I said it。 I'm usually a very reticent
man。 But sometimes〃 He pressed his brow。 〃What you must think of
me！〃
I begged him to dismiss the matter from his mind。
〃It's very good of you to say that； butI've placed myself as well as
you in a false position。 I ask you to believe that I'm not the sort of man
who is 'wanted' or ever was 'wanted' by the police。 I should be bowed out
of any police…station at which I gave myself up。 I'm not a murderer in any
bald sense of the word。 No。〃
My face must have perceptibly brightened； for； 〃Ah；〃 he said； 〃don't
imagine I'm not a murderer at all。 Morally； I am。〃 He looked at the clock。 I
pointed out that the night was young。 He assured me that his story was not
a long one。 I assured him that I hoped it was。 He said I was very kind。 I
denied this。 He warned me that what he had to tell might rather tend to
stiffen my unwilling faith in palmistry； and to shake my opposite and
cherished faith in free will。 I said； 〃Never mind。〃 He stretched his hands
pensively toward the fire。 I settled myself back in my chair。
〃My hands；〃 he said； staring at the backs of them； 〃are the hands of a
very weak man。 I dare say you know enough of palmistry to see that for
yourself。 You notice the slightness of the thumbs and of he two 'little'
fingers。 They are the hands of a weak and over…sensitive mana man
without confidence； a man who would certainly waver in an emergency。
Rather Hamletish hands；〃 he mused。 〃And I'm like Hamlet in other
respects； too： I'm no fool； and I've rather a noble disposition； and I'm
unlucky。 But Hamlet was luckier than I in one thing： he was a murderer by
accident； whereas the murders that I committed one day fourteen years
agofor I must tell you it wasn't one murder； but many murders that I
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committedwere all of them due to the wretched inherent weakness of my
own wretched self。
〃I was twenty…sixno； twenty…seven years old； and rather a
nondescript person； as I am now。 I was supposed to have been called to the
bar。 In fact； I believe I HAD been called to the bar。 I hadn't listened to the
call。 I never intended to practise； and I never did practise。 I only wanted an
excuse in the eyes of the world for existing。 I suppose the nearest I have
ever come to practicing is now at this moment： I am defending a murderer。
My father had left me well enough provided with money。 I was able to go
my own desultory way； riding my hobbies where I would。 I had a good
stableful of hobbies。 Palmistry was one of them。 I was rather ashamed of
this one。 It seemed to me absurd； as it seems to you。 Like you； though； I
believed in it。 Unlike you； I had done more than merely read a book about
it。 I had read innumerable books about it。 I had taken casts of all my
friends' hands。 I had tested and tested again the points at which
Desbarolles dissented from the Gipsies； andwell； enough that I had gone
into it all rather thoroughly； and was as sound a palmist； as a man may be
without giving his whole life to palmistry。
〃One of the first things I had seen in my own hand； as soon as I had
learned to read it； was that at about the age of twenty…six I should have a
narrow escape from deathfrom a violent death。 There was a clean break
in the life…line； and a square joining itthe protective square； you know。
The markings were precisely the same in both hands。 It was to be the
narrowest escape possible。 And I wasn't going to escape without injury；
either。 That is what bothered me。 There was a faint line connecting the
break in the lifeline with a star on the line of health。 Against that star was
another square。 I was to recover from the injury； whatever it might be。 Still；
I didn't exactly look forward to it。 Soon after I had reached the age of
twenty…five； I began to feel uncomfortable。 The thing might be going to
happen at any moment。 In palmistry； you know； it is impossible to pin an
event down hard and fast to one year。 This particular event was to be when
I was ABOUT twenty…six； it mightn't be till I was twenty…seven； it might
be while I was only twenty…five。
〃And I used to tell myself it mightn't be at all。 My reason rebelled
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A。 V。 Laider
against the whole notion of palmistry； just as yours does。 I despised my
faith in the thing； just as you despise yours。 I used to try not to be so
ridiculously careful as I was whenever I crossed a street。 I lived in London
at that time。 Motor…cars had not yet come in； butwhat hours； all told； I
must have spent standing on curbs； very circumspect； very lamentable！ It
was a pity； I suppose； that I had no definite occupation something to take
me out of myself。 I was one of the victims of private means。 There came a
time when I drove in four…wheelers rather than in hansoms； and was
doubtful of four…wheelers。 Oh； I assure you； I was very lamentable indeed。
〃If a railway…journey could be avoided； I avoided it。 My uncle had a
place in Hampshire。 I was very fond of him and of his wife。 Theirs was the
only house I ever went to stay in now。 I was there for a week in November；
not long after my twenty…seventh birthday。 There were other people
staying there； and at the end of the week we all traveled back to London
together。 There were six of us in the carriage： Colonel Elbourn and his
wife and their daughter； a girl of seventeen； and another married couple；
the Bretts。 I had been at Winchester with Brett； but had hardly seen him
since that time。 He was in the Indian Civil； and was home on leave。 He
was sailing for India next week。 His wife was to remain in England for
some months； and then join him out there。 They had been married five
years。 She was now just twenty…four years old。 He told me that this was
her age。 The Elbourns I had never met before。 They were charming people。
We had all been very happy together。 The only trouble had been that on