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uncomprehended； unanalysed； only felt as something corporeal in
its buffeting effects。
Martha began it； and yet Martha was not really to blame。 Indeed；
that was half the trouble of itno solid person stood full
in view； to be blamed and to make atonement。 There was only a
wretched； impalpable condition to deal with。 Breakfast was just
over； the sun was summoning us； imperious as a herald with
clamour of trumpet； I ran upstairs to her with a broken bootlace
in my hand； and there she was； crying in a corner； her head in
her apron。 Nothing could be got from her but the same dismal
succession of sobs that would not have done； that struck and hurt
like a physical beating； and meanwhile the sun was getting
impatient； and I wanted my bootlace。
Inquiry below stairs revealed the cause。 Martha's brother was
dead； it seemedher sailor brother Billy； drowned in one of
those strange far…off seas it was our dream to navigate one day。
We had known Billy well； and appreciated him。 When an
approaching visit of Billy to his sister had been announced；
we had counted the days to it。 When his cheery voice was at last
heard in the kitchen and we had descended with shouts； first of
all he had to exhibit his tattooed arms； always a subject for
fresh delight and envy and awe； then he was called upon for
tricks； jugglings； and strange； fearful gymnastics； and lastly
came yarns； and more yarns； and yarns till bedtime。 There had
never been any one like Billy in his own particular sphere； and
now he was drowned； they said； and Martha was miserable； andand
I couldn't get a new bootlace。 They told me that Billy would
never come back any more； and I stared out of the window at the
sun which came back； right enough； every day； and their news
conveyed nothing whatever to me。 Martha's sorrow hit home a
little； but only because the actual sight and sound of it gave me
a dull； bad sort of pain low down insidea pain not to be
actually located。 Moreover； I was still wanting my bootlace。
This was a poor sort of a beginning to a day that； so far as
outside conditions went； had promised so well。 I rigged up a
sort of jurymast of a bootlace with a bit of old string； and
wandered off to look up the girls； conscious of a jar and a
discordance in the scheme of things。 The moment I entered the
schoolroom something in the air seemed to tell me that here； too；
matters were strained and awry。 Selina was staring listlessly
out of the window； one foot curled round her leg。 When I spoke
to her she jerked a shoulder testily； but did not condescend to
the civility of a reply。 Charlotte； absolutely unoccupied；
sprawled in a chair； and there were signs of sniffles about her；
even at that early hour。 It was but a trifling matter that had
caused all this electricity in the atmosphere； and the girls'
manner of taking it seemed to me most unreasonable。 Within the
last few days the time had come round for the despatch of a
hamper to Edward at school。 Only one hamper a term was permitted
him； so its preparation was a sort of blend of revelry and
religious ceremony。 After the main corpus of the thing had been
carefully selected and safely bestowedthe pots of jam； the
cake； the sausages； and the apples that filled up corners so
nicelyafter the last package had been wedged in； the girls had
deposited their own private and personal offerings on the top。 I
forget their precise nature； anyhow； they were nothing of any
particular practical use to a boy。 But they had involved some
contrivance and labour； some skimping of pocket money； and much
delightful cloud…building as to the effect on their enraptured
recipient。 Well； yesterday there had come a terse
acknowledgment from Edward； heartily commending the cakes and the
jam； stamping the sausages with the seal of Smith major's
approval； and finally hinting that； fortified as he now was；
nothing more was necessary but a remittance of five shillings in
postage stamps to enable him to face the world armed against
every buffet of fate。 That was all。 Never a word or a hint of
the personal tributes or of his appreciation of them。 To usto
Harold and me； that isthe letter seemed natural and sensible
enough。 After all； provender was the main thing； and five
shillings stood for a complete equipment against the most
unexpected turns of luck。 The presents were very well in their
wayvery nice； and so onbut life was a serious matter； and the
contest called for cakes and half crowns to carry it on； not gew…
gaws and knitted mittens and the like。 The girls； however；
in their obstinate way； persisted in taking their own view of the
slight。 Hence it was that I received my second rebuff of the
morning。
Somewhat disheartened； I made my way downstairs and out into the
sunlight； where I found Harold playing conspirators by himself on
the gravel。 He had dug a small hole in the walk and had laid an
imaginary train of powder thereto； and； as he sought refuge in
the laurels from the inevitable explosion； I heard him murmur：
〃‘My God！' said the Czar； ‘my plans are frustrated！'〃 It seemed
an excellent occasion for being a black puma。 Harold liked black
pumas； on the whole； as well as any animal we were familiar with。
So I launched myself on him； with the appropriate howl； rolling
him over on the gravel。
Life may be said to be composed of things that come off and
things that don't come off。 This thing； unfortunately； was one
of the things that didn't come off。 From beneath me I heard a
shrill cry of； 〃Oh； it's my sore knee！〃 And Harold wriggled
himself free from the puma's clutches； bellowing dismally。 Now；
I honestly didn't know he had a sore knee； and； what's more； he
knew I didn't know he had a sore knee。 According to boy ethics；
therefore； his attitude was wrong； sore knee or not； and no
apology was due from me。 I made half…way advances； however；
suggesting we should lie in ambush by the edge of the pond and
cut off the ducks as they waddled down in simple； unsuspecting
single file； then hunt them as bisons flying scattered over the
vast prairie。 A fascinating pursuit this； and strictly illicit。
But Harold would none of my overtures； and retreated to the house
wailing with full lungs。
Things were getting simply infernal。 I struck out blindly for
the open country； and even as I made for the gate a shrill voice
from a window bade me keep off the flower…beds。 When the gate
had swung to behind me with a vicious click I felt better； and
after ten minutes along the road it began to grow on me that some
radical change was needed； that I was in a blind alley； and that
this intolerable state of things must somehow cease。 All that I
could do I had already done。 As well…meaning a fellow as ever
stepped was pounding along the road that day； with an exceeding
sore heart； one who only wished to live and let live； in touch
with his fellows； and appreciating what joys life had to offer。