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the true state of the case； all too clearly。
One evening we were sitting in the garden； and I had been trying in
every stupid roundabout way to get her to say that she should be at
any rate sorry for a man； if he really loved a woman who would not
marry him。 I had been stammering and blushing； and been as silly
as any one could be； and I suppose had pained her by fishing for
pity for myself in such a transparent way； and saying nothing about
her own need of it； at any rate； she turned all upon me with a
sweet sad smile and said； 〃Sorry？ I am sorry for myself； I am
sorry for you； and I am sorry for every one。〃 The words had no
sooner crossed her lips than she bowed her head； gave me a look as
though I were to make no answer； and left me。
The words were few and simple； but the manner with which they were
uttered was ineffable： the scales fell from my eyes； and I felt
that I had no right to try and induce her to infringe one of the
most inviolable customs of her country； as she needs must do if she
were to marry me。 I sat for a long while thinking； and when I
remembered the sin and shame and misery which an unrighteous
marriagefor as such it would be held in Erewhonwould entail； I
became thoroughly ashamed of myself for having been so long self…
blinded。 I write coldly now； but I suffered keenly at the time；
and should probably retain a much more vivid recollection of what I
felt； had not all ended so happily。
As for giving up the idea of marrying Arowhena； it never so much as
entered my head to do so： the solution must be found in some other
direction than this。 The idea of waiting till somebody married
Zulora was to be no less summarily dismissed。 To marry Arowhena at
once in Erewhonthis had already been abandoned： there remained
therefore but one alternative； and that was to run away with her；
and get her with me to Europe； where there would be no bar to our
union save my own impecuniosity； a matter which gave me no
uneasiness。
To this obvious and simple plan I could see but two objections that
deserved the name；the first； that perhaps Arowhena would not
come； the second； that it was almost impossible for me to escape
even alone； for the king had himself told me that I was to consider
myself a prisoner on parole； and that the first sign of my
endeavouring to escape would cause me to be sent to one of the
hospitals for incurables。 Besides； I did not know the geography of
the country； and even were I to try and find my way back； I should
be discovered long before I had reached the pass over which I had
come。 How then could I hope to be able to take Arowhena with me？
For days and days I turned these difficulties over in my mind； and
at last hit upon as wild a plan as was ever suggested by extremity。
This was to meet the second difficulty： the first gave me less
uneasiness； for when Arowhena and I next met after our interview in
the garden I could see that she had suffered not less acutely than
myself。
I resolved that I would have another interview with herthe last
for the presentthat I would then leave her； and set to work upon
maturing my plan as fast as possible。 We got a chance of being
alone together； and then I gave myself the loose rein； and told her
how passionately and devotedly I loved her。 She said little in
return； but her tears （which I could not refrain from answering
with my own） and the little she did say were quite enough to show
me that I should meet with no obstacle from her。 Then I asked her
whether she would run a terrible risk which we should share in
common； if； in case of success； I could take her to my own people；
to the home of my mother and sisters； who would welcome her very
gladly。 At the same time I pointed out that the chances of failure
were far greater than those of success； and that the probability
was that even though I could get so far as to carry my design into
execution； it would end in death to us both。
I was not mistaken in her； she said that she believed I loved her
as much as she loved me； and that she would brave anything if I
could only assure her that what I proposed would not be thought
dishonourable in England； she could not live without me； and would
rather die with me than alone； that death was perhaps the best for
us both； that I must plan； and that when the hour came I was to
send for her； and trust her not to fail me； and so after many tears
and embraces； we tore ourselves away。
I then left the Nosnibors； took a lodging in the town； and became
melancholy to my heart's content。 Arowhena and I used to see each
other sometimes； for I had taken to going regularly to the Musical
Banks； but Mrs。 Nosnibor and Zulora both treated me with
considerable coldness。 I felt sure that they suspected me。
Arowhena looked miserable； and I saw that her purse was now always
as full as she could fill it with the Musical Bank moneymuch
fuller than of old。 Then the horrible thought occurred to me that
her health might break down； and that she might be subjected to a
criminal prosecution。 Oh！ how I hated Erewhon at that time。
I was still received at court； but my good looks were beginning to
fail me； and I was not such an adept at concealing the effects of
pain as the Erewhonians are。 I could see that my friends began to
look concerned about me； and was obliged to take a leaf out of
Mahaina's book； and pretend to have developed a taste for drinking。
I even consulted a straightener as though this were so； and
submitted to much discomfort。 This made matters better for a time；
but I could see that my friends thought less highly of my
constitution as my flesh began to fall away。
I was told that the poor made an outcry about my pension； and I saw
a stinging article in an anti…ministerial paper； in which the
writer went so far as to say that my having light hair reflected
little credit upon me； inasmuch as I had been reported to have said
that it was a common thing in the country from which I came。 I
have reason to believe that Mr。 Nosnibor himself inspired this
article。 Presently it came round to me that the king had begun to
dwell upon my having been possessed of a watch； and to say that I
ought to be treated medicinally for having told him a lie about the
balloons。 I saw misfortune gathering round me in every direction；
and felt that I should have need of all my wits and a good many
more； if I was to steer myself and Arowhena to a good conclusion。
There were some who continued to show me kindness； and strange to
say； I received the most from the very persons from whom I should
have least expected itI mean from the cashiers of the Musical
Banks。 I had made the acquaintance of several of these persons；
and now that I frequented their bank； they were inclined to make a
good deal of me。 One of them； seeing that I was thoroughly out of
health； though of course he pretended not to notice it； suggested
that I should take a little change of air and go down with him to
one of the principal towns； which was some two or three days'
journey from the metropolis； and the chief seat of the Colleges of
Unreason； he assured me that I should be delighted with what I saw；