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ed at me。
〃She died。 She died happy when she saw that I loved her； and that this new love was due neither to pity nor to the ties that bound us together。 Never shall I forget her last hours。 Love had been won back； her mind was at rest about her child； and happiness triumphed over suffering。 The comfort and luxury about her； the merriment of her child； who looked prettier still in the dainty garb that had replaced his baby…clothes； were pledges of a happy future for the little one； in whom she saw her own life renewed。
〃The curate of Saint Sulpice witnessed my terrible distress。 His words well…nigh made me despair。 He did not attempt to offer conventional consolation； and put the gravity of my responsibilities unsparingly before me； but I had no need of a spur。 The conscience within me spoke loudly enough already。 A woman had placed a generous confidence in me。 I had lied to her from the first； I had told her that I loved her； and then I had cast her off； I had brought all this sorrow upon an unhappy girl who had braved the opinion of the world for me； and who therefore should have been sacred in my eyes。 She had died forgiving me。 Her implicit trust in the word of a man who had once before broken his promise to her effaced the memory of all her pain and grief； and she slept in peace。 Agatha； who had given me her girlish faith； had found in her heart another faith to give methe faith of a mother。 Oh！ sir； the child； HER child！ God alone can know all that he was to me！ The dear little one was like his mother； he had her winning grace in his little ways； his talk and ideas； but for me； my child was not only a child； but something more； was he not the token of my forgiveness； my honor？
〃He should have more than a father's affection。 He should be loved as his mother would have loved him。 My remorse might change to happiness if I could only make him feel that his mother's arms were still about him。 I clung to him with all the force of human love and the hope of heaven； with all the tenderness in my heart that God has given to mothers。 The sound of the child's voice made me tremble。 I used to watch him while he slept with a sense of gladness that was always new； albeit a tear sometimes fell on his forehead； I taught him to come to say his prayer upon my bed as soon as he awoke。 How sweet and touching were the simple words of the Pater noster in the innocent childish mouth！ Ah！ and at times how terrible！ 'OUR FATHER WHICH ART IN HEAVEN；' he began one morning； then he paused'Why is it not OUR MOTHER？' he asked； and my heart sank at his words。
〃From the very first I had sown the seeds of future misfortune in the life of the son whom I idolized。 Although the law has almost countenanced errors of youth by conceding to tardy regret a legal status to natural children； the insurmountable prejudices of society bring a strong force to the support of the reluctance of the law。 All serious reflection on my part as to the foundations and mechanism of society； on the duties of man； and vital questions of morality date from this period of my life。 Genius comprehends at first sight the connection between a man's principles and the fate of the society of which he forms a part； devout souls are inspired by religion with the sentiments necessary for their happiness； but vehement and impulsive natures can only be schooled by repentance。 With repentance came new light for me； and I； who only lived for my child； came through that child to think over great social questions。
〃I determined from the first that he should have all possible means of success within himself； and that he should be thoroughly prepared to take the high position for which I destined him。 He learned English； German； Italian； and Spanish in succession； and； that he might speak these languages correctly； tutors belonging to each of these various nationalities were successively placed about him from his earliest childhood。 His aptitude delighted me。 I took advantage of it to give him lessons in the guise of play。 I wished to keep his mind free from fallacies； and strove before all things to accustom him from childhood to exert his intellectual powers； to make a rapid and accurate general survey of a matter； and then； by a careful study of every least particular； to master his subject in detail。 Lastly； I taught him to submit to discipline without murmuring。 I never allowed an impure or improper word to be spoken in his hearing。 I was careful that all his surroundings； and the men with whom he came in contact； should conduce to one endto ennoble his nature； to set lofty ideals before him； to give him a love of truth and a horror of lies； to make him simple and natural in manner； as in word and deed。 His natural aptitude had made his other studies easy to him； and his imagination made him quick to grasp these lessons that lay outside the province of the schoolroom。 What a fair flower to tend！ How great are the joys that mothers know！ In those days I began to understand how his own mother had been able to live and to bear her sorrow。 This； sir； was the great event of my life； and now I am coming to the tragedy which drove me hither。
〃It is the most ordinary commonplace story imaginable； but to me it meant the most terrible pain。 For some years I had thought of nothing but my child； and how to make a man of him； then； when my son was growing up and about to leave me； I grew afraid of my loneliness。 Love was a necessity of my existence； this need for affection had never been satisfied； and only grew stronger with years。 I was in every way capable of a real attachment； I had been tried and proved。 I knew all that a steadfast love means； the love that delights to find a pleasure in self…sacrifice； in everything I did my first thought would always be for the woman I loved。 In imagination I was fain to dwell on the serene heights far above doubt and uncertainty； where love so fills two beings that happiness flows quietly and evenly into their life； their looks； and words。 Such love is to a life what religion is to the soul； a vital force； a power that enlightens and upholds。 I understood the love of husband and wife in nowise as most people do； for me its full beauty and magnificence began precisely at the point where love perishes in many a household。 I deeply felt the moral grandeur of a life so closely shared by two souls that the trivialities of everyday existence should be powerless against such lasting love as theirs。 But where will the hearts be found whose beats are so nearly isochronous （let the scientific term pass） that they may attain to this beatific union？ If they exist； nature and chance have set them far apart； so that they cannot come together； they find each other too late； or death comes too soon to separate them。 There must be some good reasons for these dispensations of fate； but I have never sought to discover them。 I cannot make a study of my wound； because I suffer too much from it。 Perhaps perfect happiness is a monster which our species should not perpetuate。 There were other causes for my fervent desire for such a marriage as this。 I had no friends； the world for me was a desert。 There is something in me that repels friendship。 More than one person has sou