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dotted line； and he departed。
After that； at intervals； the chief house surgeon dropped in；
without knocking； and the head nurse came； and an interne or so；
and a ward nurse； and the special nurse who was to have direct
charge of me。 It dawned on me that I was not having any more
privacy in that hospital than a goldfish。
About eleven o'clock an orderly came； and； without consulting my
wishes in the matter； he undressed me until I could have passed
almost anywhere for September Morn's father； and gave me a clean
shave； twice over； on one of my most prominent plane surfaces。 I
must confess I enjoyed that part of it。 So far as I am able to
recall； it was the only shave I have ever had where the operator
did not spray me with cheap perfumery afterward and then try to
sell me a bottle of hair tonic。
Having shaved me； the young man did me up amidships in a neat
cloth parcel； took his kit under his arm and went away。
It occurred to me that； considering the trivial nature of the case；
a good deal of fuss was being made over me by persons who could
have no personal concern in the matter whatsoever。 This thought
recurred to me frequently as I lay there all tied in a bundle like
a week's washing。 I did not feel quite so uppish as I had felt。
Why was everybody picking on me？
Anon I slept； but dreamed fitfully。 I dreamed that a whole flock
of surgeons came to my bedside and charted me out in sections；
like one of those diagram pictures you see of a beef in the Handy
Compendium of Universal Knowledge； showing the various cuts and
the butcher's pet name for each cut。 Each man took his favorite
joint and carried it away； and when they were all gone I was merely
a recent site； full of reverberating echoes and nothing else。
I have had happier dreams in my time； this was not the kind of
dream I should have selected had the choice been left to me。
When I woke the young sun was shining in at the window； and an
orderlynot the orderly who had shaved me； but another onewas
there in my room and my nurse was waiting outside the door。 The
orderly dressed me in a quaint suit of pyjamas cut on the half
shell and buttoning stylishly in the back； princesse mode。 Then
he rolled in a flat litter on wheels and stretched me on it； and
covered me up with a white tablecloth； just as though I had been
cold Sunday…night supper； and we started for the operating…room
at the top of the building； but before we started I lit a large
black cigar； as Gen。 U。 S。 Grant used to do when he went into
battle。 I wished by this to show how indifferent I was。 Maybe
he fooled somebody； but I do not believe I possess the same powers
of simulation that Grant had。 He must have been a very remarkable
manGrant must。
The orderly and the nurse trundled me out into the hall and loaded
me into an elevator； which was to carry us up to the top of the
hospital。 Several other nurses were already in the elevator。 As
we came aboard one of them remarked that it was a fine day。 A
fine day for what？ She did not finish the sentence。
Everybody wore a serious look。 Inside of myself I felt pretty
serious tooserious enough for ten or twelve。 I had meant to
fling off several very bright； spontaneous quips on the way to
the table。 I thought them out in advance； but now； somehow； none
of them seemed appropriate。 Instinctively； as it were； I felt
that humor was out of place here。
I never knew an elevator to progress from the third floor of a
building to the ninth with such celerity as this one on which we
were traveling progressed。 Personally I was in no mood for haste。
If there was anyone else in all that great hospital who was in a
particular hurry to be operated on I was perfectly willing to wait。
But alas； no！ The mechanism of the elevator was in perfect order
entirely too perfect。 No accident of any character whatsoever
befell us en route； no dropping back into the basement with a low；
grateful thud； no hitch； no delay of any kind。 We were certainly
out of luck that trip。 The demon of a joyrider who operated the
accursed device jerked a lever and up we soared at a distressingly
high rate of speed。 If I could have had my way about that youth
he would have been arrested for speeding。
Now we were there！ They rolled into a large room； all white； with
a rounded ceiling like the inside of an egg。 Right away I knew
what the feelings of a poor； lonely little yolk are when the spoon
begins to chip the shell。 If I had not been so busy feeling sorry
for myself I think I might have developed quite an active sympathy
for yolks。
My impression had been that this was to be in the nature of a
private affair； without invitations。 I was astonished to note
that quite a crowd had assembled for the opening exercises。 From
his attire and general deportment I judged that Doctor Z was going
to be the master of the revels； he being attired appropriately in
a white domino； with rubber gloves and a fancy cap of crash toweling。
There were present； also； my diagnostic friend； Doctor X； likewise
in fancy…dress costume； and a surgeon I had never met。 From what
I could gather he was going over the course behind Doctor Z to
replace the divots。
And there was an interne in the background； playing caddy； as it
were； and a head nurse； who was going to keep the score； and two
other nurses； who were going to help her keep it。 I only hoped
that they would show no partiality； but be as fair to me as they
were to Doctor Z； and that he would go round in par。
So they placed me right where my eyes might rest on a large wall
cabinet full of very shiny…looking tools； and they took my cigar
away from me and folded my hands on the wide bowknot of my sash。
Then they put a cloth dingus over my face and a voice of authority
told me to breathe。 That advice； however； was superfluous and
might just as well have been omitted； for such was my purpose
anyhow。 Ever since I can recall anything at all； breathing has
been a regular habit with me。 So I breathed。 And； at that； a
bottle of highly charged sarsaparilla exploded somewhere in the
immediate vicinity and most of its contents went up my nose。
I started to tell them that somebody had been fooling with their
ether and adulterating it； and that if they thought they could
send me off to sleep with soda pop they were making the mistake
of their lives； because it just naturally could not be done； but
for some reason or other I decided to put off speaking about the
matter for a few minutes。 I breathed againagainagai
I was going away from there。 I was in a large gas balloon； soaring
up into the clouds。 How pleasant！ 。。。 No； by Jove！ I was not in
a balloonI myself was the balloon； which was not quite so pleasant。
Besides； Doctor Z was going along as a passenger； and as we traveled
up and up he kept jabbing me in the midriff with the ferrule of a
large umbrella which he had brought along with him in case of rain。
He jabbed me harder and harder。 I remonstrated with him。 I told
him I was a bit tender in that locality and the ferrule of his
umbrella was sharp。 He would not listen。 He kept on jabbing me。
Something broke！ We started back