按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
down noticeably； he had the job done。 It was not an unqualified
success。 He regarded is as a suit of clothes； but I knew better；
it was a set of slip covers； and if only I had been a two…seated
runabout it would have proved a perfect fit； I am sure； but I am
a single…seated design and it did not answer。 I wore it to the
war because I had nothing else to wear that would stamp me as a
regular war correspondent； except； of course； my wrist watch； but
I shall not wear it to another war。 War is terrible enough already；
and； besides； I have parted with it。 On my way home through Holland
I gave that suit to a couple of poor Belgian refugees； and I presume
they are still wearing it。
So far as I have been able to observe； the surgeons and the tailors
of these times share but one common instinct： If you go to a new
surgeon or to a new tailor he is morally certain； after looking
you over； that the last surgeon you had or the last tailor； did
not do your cutting properly。 There； however； is where the
resemblance ends。 The tailor； as I remarked in effect just now；
wants an hour at least in which to decide how he may best cover
up and disguise the irregularities of the human form； in much less
time than that the surgeon has completely altered the form itself。
With the surgeon it is very much as it is with those learned men
who write those large； impressive works of reference which should
be permanently in every library； and which we are forever buying
from an agent because we are so passionately addicted to payments。
If the thing he seeks does not appear in the contents proper he
knows exactly where to look for it。 〃See appendix；〃 says the
historian to you in a footnote。 〃See appendix；〃 says the surgeon
to himself； the while humming a cheery refrain。 And so he does。
Well； I went home。 This was Tuesday and the operation was not
to be performed until the coming Friday。 By Wednesday I had calmed
down considerably。 By Thursday morning I was practically normal
again as regards my nerves。 You will understand that I was still
in a blissful state of ignorance concerning the actual methods of
the surgical profession as exemplified by its leading exponents of
today。 The knowledge I have touched on in the pages immediately
preceding was to come to me later。
Likewise Doctor Z's manner had been deceiving。 It could not be
that he meant to carve me to any really noticeable extenthis
attitude had been entirely too casual。 At our house carving is
a very serious matter。 Any time I take the head of the table and
start in to carve it is fitting women and children get to a place
of safety； and onlookers should get under the table。 When we first
began housekeeping and gave our first small dinner…party we had
a brace of ducks cooked in honor of the company； and I； as host；
undertook to carve them。 I never knew until then that a duck was
built like a watchthat his works were inclosed in a burglarproof
case。 Without the use of dynamite the Red Leary…O'Brien gang could
not have broken into those ducks。 I thought so then and I think
so yet。 Years have passed since then； but I may state that even
now； when there are guests for dinner； we do not have ducks。
Unless somebody else is going to carve； we have liver。
I mention this fact in passing because it shows that I had learned
to revere carving as one of the higher arts； and one not to be
approached except in a spirit of due appreciation of the magnitude
of the undertaking； and after proper consideration and thought and
reflection； and all that sort of thing。
If this were true as regards a mere duck； why not all the more so
as regards the carving of a person of whom I am so very fond as I
am of myself？ Thus I reasoned。 And finally； had not Doctor Z
spoken of the coming operation as a small matter？ Well then？
Thursday at noon I received from Doctor Z's secretary a note stating
that arrangements had been made for my admission into St。 Germicide
that same evening and that I was to spend the night there。 This
hardly seemed necessary。 Still； the tone of the note appeared to
indicate that the hospital authorities particularly wished to have
me for an overnight guest； and as I reflected that probably the poor
things had few enough bright spots in their busy lives； I decided
I would humor them along and gladden the occasion with my presence
from dinner…time on。
About eight o'clock I strolled in very jauntily。 In my mind I
had the whole programme mapped out。 I would stay at the hospital
for； say； two days following the operationor； at most； three。
Then I must be up and away。 I had a good deal of work to do and
a number of people to see on important business； and I could not
really afford to waste more than a weekend on the staff of St。
Germicide's。 After Monday they must look to their own devices for
social entertainment。 That was my idea。 Now when I look back on
it I laugh； but it is a hollow laugh and there is no real merriment
in it。
Indeed； almost from the moment of my entrance little things began
to come up that were calculated to have a depressing effect on
one's spirits。 Downstairs a serious…looking lady met me and entered
in a book a number of salient facts regarding my personality which
the previous investigators had somehow overlooked。 There is a lot
of bookkeeping about an operation。 This detail attended to； a
young man； dressed in white garments and wearing an expression
that stamped him as one who had suffered a recent deep bereavement
came and relieved me of my hand bag and escorted me upstairs。
As we passed through the upper corridors I had my first introduction
to the hospital smell； which is a smell compounded of iodoform；
ether； gruel； and something boiling。 All hospitals have it；
I understand。 In time you get used to it； but you never really
care for it。
The young man led me into a small room tastefully decorated with
four walls； a floor； a ceiling； a window sill and a window； a door
and a doorsill； and a bed and a chair。 He told me to go to bed。
I did not want to go to bedit was not my regular bedtimebut
he made a point of it； and I judged it was according to regulations；
so I undressed and put on my night clothes and crawled in。 He
left me； taking my other clothes and my shoes with him； but I
was not allowed to get lonely。
A little later a ward surgeon appeared； to put a few inquiries of
a pointed and personal nature。 He particularly desired to know
what my trouble was。 I explained to him that I couldn't tell him
he would have to see Doctor X or Doctor Z； they probably knew；
but were keeping it a secret between themselves。
The answer apparently satisfied him； because immediately after
that he made me sign a paper in which I assumed all responsibility
for what was to take place the next morning。
This did not seem exactly fair。 As I pointed out to him； it was
the surgeon's affair； not mine； and if the surgeon made a mistake
the joke would be on him and not on me； because in that case I
would not be here anyhow。 But I signed； as requested； on the
dotted line； and he departed。
After that； at intervals； the chief house surgeon drop