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the ninth vibration-第19章

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I'm not worth that; God knows。 And you will take nothing I could give you in return。〃

She spoke very quietly。

〃That does not trouble me。 … It would only trouble me if you asked what I have not to give。 For two months I would travel with you as a friend; if; like a friend; I paid my own expenses…〃

I would have interrupted; but she brushed that firmly aside。 〃No; I must do as I say; and I am quite able to or I should not suggest it。 I would go on no other terms。 It would be hard if because we are man and woman I might not do one act of friendship for you before we part。 For though I refuse your offer utterly; I appreciate it; and I would make what little return I can。 It would be a sharp pain to me to distress you。〃

Her gentleness and calm; the magnitude of the offer she was making stunned me so that I could scarcely speak。 There was such an extraordinary simplicity and generosity in her manner that it appeared to me more enthralling and bewildering than the most finished coquetry I had ever known。 She gave me opportunities that the most ardent lover could in his wildest dream desire; and with the remoteness in her eyes and her still voice she deprived them of all hope。 It kindled in me a flame that made my throat dry when I tried to speak。

〃Vanna; is it a promise? You mean it?〃

〃If you wish it; yes。 But I warn you I think it will not make it easier for you when the time is over。

〃Why two months?〃

〃Partly because I can afford no more。 No! I know what you would say。 Partly because I can spare no more time。 But I will give you that; if you wish; though; honestly; I had very much rather not。 I think it unwise for you。 I would protect you if I could … indeed I would!〃

It was my turn to hesitate now。 Every moment revealed to me some new sweetness; some charm that I saw would weave itself into the very fibre of my I had been! Was I not now a fool? Would it not being if the opportunity were given。 Oh; fool that be better to let her go before she had become a part of my daily experience? I began to fear I was courting my own shipwreck。 She read my thoughts clearly。

〃Indeed you would be wise to decide against it。 Release me from my promise。 It was a mad scheme。〃

The superiority … or so I felt it … of her gentleness maddened me。 It might have been I who needed protection; who was running the risk of misjudgment … not she; a lonely woman。 She looked at me; waiting … trying to be wise for me; never for one instant thinking of herself。 I felt utterly exiled from the real purpose of her life。

〃I will never release you。 I claim your promise。 I hold to it。〃

〃Very well then … I will write; and tell you where I shall be。 Good…bye; and if you change your mind; as I hope you will; tell me。〃

She extended her hand cool as a snowflake; and was gone; walking swiftly up the road。 Ah; let a man beware when his wishes fulfilled; rain down upon him!

To what had I committed myself? She knew her strength and had no fears。 I could scarcely realize that she had liking enough for me to make the offer。 That it meant no shade more than she had said I knew well。 She was safe; but what was to be the result for me? I knew nothing … she was a beloved mystery。

 〃Strange she is and secret;  Strange her eyes; her cheeks are cold as cold sea…shells。〃

Yet I would risk it; for I knew there was no hope if I let her go now; and if I saw her again; some glimmer might fall upon my dark。

Next day this reached me:… Dear Mr。 Clifden;…

I am going to some Indian friends for a time。 On the 15th of June I shall he at Srinagar in Kashmir。 A friend has allowed me to take her little houseboat; the 〃Kedarnath。〃 If you like this plan we will share the cost for two months。 I warn you it is not luxurious; but I think you will like it。 I shall do this whether you come or no; for I want a quiet time before I take up my nursing in Lahore。 In thinking of all this will you remember that I am not a girl but a woman。 I shall he twenty…nine my next birthday。 Sincerely yours; VANNA LORING。

P。S。 But I still think you would be wiser not to come。 I hope to hear you will not。

I replied only this :… Dear Miss Loring;… I think I understand the position fully。 I will be there。 I thank you with all my heart。 Gratefully yours; STEPHEN CLIFDEN。



IV 


Three days later I met Lady Meryon; and was swept in to tea。 Her manner was distinctly more cordial as she mentioned casually that Vanna had left … she understood to take up missionary work … 〃which is odd;〃 she added with a woman's acrimony; 〃for she had no more in common with missionaries than I have; and that is saying a good deal。 Of course she speaks Hindustani perfectly; and could be useful; but I haven't grasped the point of it yet〃 I saw she counted on my knowing nothing of the real reason of Vanna's going and left it; of course; at that。 The talk drifted away under my guidance。 Vanna evidently puzzled her。 She half feared; and wholly misunderstood her。

No message came to me; as time went by; and for the time she had vanished completely; but I held fast to her promise and lived on that only。

I take up my life where it ceased to be a mere suspense and became life once more。

On the 15th of June; I found myself riding into Srinagar in Kashmir; through the pure tremulous green of the mighty poplars that hedge the road into the city。 The beauty of the country had half stunned me when I entered the mountain barrier of Baramula and saw the snowy peaks that guard the Happy Valley; with the Jhelum flowing through its tranquil loveliness。 The flush of the almond blossom was over; but the iris; like a blue sea of peace had overflowed the world … the azure meadows smiled back at the radiant sky。 Such blossom! the blue shading into clear violet; like a shoaling sea。 The earth; like a cup held in the hand of a god; brimmed with the draught of youth and summer and … love? But no; for me the very word was sinister。 Vanna's face; immutably calm; confronted it。

That night I slept in a boat at Sopor; and I remember that; waking at midnight; I looked out and saw a mountain with a gloriole of hazy silver about it; misty and faint as a cobweb threaded with dew。 The river; there spreading into a lake; was dark under it; flowing in a deep smooth blackness of shadow; and everything awaited … what? And even while I looked; the moon floated serenely above the peak; and all was bathed in pure light; the water rippling and shining in broken silver and pearl。 So had Vanna floated into my sky; luminous; sweet; remote。 I did not question my heart any more。 I knew I loved her。

Two days later I rode into Srinagar; and could scarcely see the wild beauty of that strange Venice。 of the East; my heart was so beating in my eyes。 I rode past the lovely wooden bridges where the balconied houses totter to each other across the canals in dim splendour of carving and age; where the many…coloured native life crowds down to the river steps and cleanses its flower…bright robes; its gold…bright brass vessels in the shining stream; and my heart said only … Vanna; Vanna!

One day; one thought; of her absence had taught me what she was to me; and if humility and patient endeavor could raise me to her feet; I was resolv
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