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The reading of French novels （of which Woloda had brought
a large store with him from Moscow） was another of my amusements
that summer。 At that period Monte Cristo and Taine's works had
just appeared； while I also revelled in stories by Sue； Dumas；
and Paul de Kock。 Even their most unnatural personages and events
were for me as real as actuality； and not only was I incapable of
suspecting an author of lying； but； in my eyes； there existed no
author at all。 That is to say； the various personages and events
of a book paraded themselves before me on the printed page as
personages and events that were alive and real； and although I
had never in my life met such characters as I there read about； I
never for a second doubted that I should one day do so。 I
discovered in myself all the passions described in every novel；
as well as a likeness to all the charactersheroes and villains
impartiallywho figured therein； just as a suspicious man finds
in himself the signs of every possible disease when reading a
book on medicine。 I took pleasure both in the cunning designs；
the glowing sentiments； the tumultuous events； and the character…
drawing of these works。 A good man was of the goodness； a bad man
of the badness； possible only to the imagination of early youth。
Likewise I found great pleasure in the fact that it was all
written in French； and that I could lay to heart the fine words
which the fine heroes spoke； and recall them for use some day
when engaged in some noble deed。 What quantities of French
phrases I culled from those books for Kolpikoff's benefit if I
should ever meet him again； as well as for HERS； when at length I
should find her and reveal to her my love！ For them both I
prepared speeches which should overcome them as soon as spoken！
Upon novels； too； I founded new ideals of the moral qualities
which I wished to attain。 First of all； I wished to be NOBLE in
all my deeds and conduct （I use the French word noble instead of
the Russian word blagorodni for the reason that the former has a
different meaning to the latteras the Germans well understood
when they adopted noble as nobel and differentiated it from
ehrlich）； next； to be strenuous； and lastly； to be what I was
already inclined to be； namely； comme il faut。 I even tried to
approximate my appearance and bearing to that of the heroes who
possessed these qualities。 In particular I remember how in one of
the hundred or so novels which I read that summer there was a
very strenuous hero with heavy eyebrows； and that I so greatly
wished to resemble him （I felt that I did so already from a moral
point of view） that one day； when looking at my eyebrows in the
glass； I conceived the idea of clipping them； in order to make
them grow bushier。 Unfortunately； after I had started to do so； I
happened to clip one spot rather shorter than the rest； and so
had to level down the rest to it…with the result that； to my
horror； I beheld myself eyebrow…less； and anything but
presentable。 However； I comforted myself with the reflection that
my eyebrows would soon sprout again as bushy as my hero's； and
was only perplexed to think how I could explain the circumstance
to the household when they next perceived my eyebrow…less
condition。 Accordingly I borrowed some gunpowder from Woloda；
rubbed it on my temples； and set it alight。 The powder did not
fire properly； but I succeeded in singeing myself sufficiently to
avert all suspicion of my pranks。 And； indeed； afterwards； when I
had forgotten all about my hero； my eyebrows grew again； and much
thicker than they had been before。
XXXI
〃COMME IL FAUT〃
SEVERAL times in the course of this narrative I have hinted at an
idea corresponding to the above French heading； and now feel it
incumbent upon me to devote a whole chapter to that idea； which
was one of the most ruinous； lying notions which ever became
engrafted upon my life by my upbringing and social milieu。
The human race may be divided into several categoriesrich and
poor； good and bad； military and civilian； clever and stupid； and
so forth； and so forth。 Yet each man has his own favourite；
fundamental system of division which he unconsciously uses to
class each new person with whom he meets。 At the time of which I
am speaking； my own favourite； fundamental system of division in
this respect was into people 〃comme il faut〃 and people 〃comme il
ne faut pas〃the latter subdivided； again； into people merely not
〃comme il faut〃 and the lower orders。 People 〃comme il faut〃 I
respected； and looked upon as worthy to consort with me as my
equals； the second of the above categories I pretended merely to
despise； but in reality hated； and nourished towards them a kind
of feeling of offended personality； while the third category had
no existence at all； so far as I was concerned； since my contempt
for them was too complete。 This 〃comme il faut〃…ness of mine lay；
first and foremost； in proficiency in French； especially
conversational French。 A person who spoke that language badly at
once aroused in me a feeling of dislike。 〃Why do you try to talk
as we do when you haven't a notion how to do it？〃 I would seem to
ask him with my most venomous and quizzing smile。 The second
condition of 〃comme il faut〃…ness was long nails that were well
kept and clean； the third； ability to bow； dance； and converse；
the fourthand a very important oneindifference to everything；
and a constant air of refined； supercilious ennui。 Moreover；
there were certain general signs which； I considered； enabled me
to tell； without actually speaking to a man； the class to which
he belonged。 Chief among these signs （the others being the
fittings of his rooms； his gloves； his handwriting； his turn…out；
and so forth） were his feet。 The relation of boots to trousers
was sufficient to determine； in my eyes； the social status of a
man。 Heelless boots with angular toes； wedded to narrow；
unstrapped trouser…endsthese denoted the vulgarian。 Boots with
narrow； round toes and heels； accompanied either by tight
trousers strapped under the instep and fitting close to the leg
or by wide trousers similarly strapped； but projecting in a peak
over the toethese meant the man of mauvais genre； and so on； and
so on。
It was a curious thing that I who lacked all ability to become
〃comme il faut；〃 should have assimilated the idea so completely
as I did。 Possibly it was the fact that it had cost me such
enormous labour to acquire that brought about its strenuous
development in my mind。 I hardly like to think how much of the
best and most valuable time of my first sixteen years of
existence I wasted upon its acquisition。 Yet every one whom I
imitatedWoloda； Dubkoff； and the majority of my acquaintances
seemed to acquire it easily。 I watched them with envy； and
silently toiled to become proficient in French； to bow gracefully
and without looking at the person whom I was saluting； to gain
dexterity in small…talk and danci