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of the death of that very wise martyr； Charles the First。 Why； I
would engage to convert such an idiot to popery in a week； were it
worth my trouble。 O Cavaliere Gualtiero； avete fatto molto in
favore della Santa Sede！'
'If he has；' said I； 'he has done it unwittingly； I never heard
before that he was a favourer of the popish delusion。'
'Only in theory；' said the man in black。 'Trust any of the clan
Mac…Sycophant for interfering openly and boldly in favour of any
cause on which the sun does not shine benignantly。 Popery is at
present； as you say； suing for grace in these regions IN FORMA
PAUPERIS； but let royalty once take it up； let old gouty George
once patronise it； and I would consent to drink puddle…water if；
the very next time the canny Scot was admitted to the royal
symposium； he did not say； 〃By my faith； yere Majesty； I have
always thought； at the bottom of my heart； that popery； as ill…
scrapit tongues ca' it； was a very grand religion； I shall be proud
to follow your Majesty's example in adopting it。〃'
'I doubt not；' said I； 'that both gouty George and his devoted
servant will be mouldering in their tombs long before Royalty in
England thinks about adopting popery。'
'We can wait；' said the man in black； 'in these days of rampant
gentility； there will be no want of kings nor of Scots about them。'
'But not Walters；' said I。
'Our work has been already tolerably well done by one；' said the
man in black； 'but if we wanted literature； we should never lack in
these regions hosts of literary men of some kind or other to
eulogise us； provided our religion were in the fashion； and our
popish nobles chose … and they always do our bidding … to admit the
canaille to their tables … their kitchen tables。 As for literature
in general；' said he； 'the Santa Sede is not particularly partial
to it； it may be employed both ways。 In Italy； in particular； it
has discovered that literary men are not always disposed to be
lickspittles。'
'For example； Dante；' said I。
'Yes；' said the man in black； 'a dangerous personage； that poem of
his cuts both ways； and then there was Pulci； that MORGANTE of his
cuts both ways； or rather one way； and that sheer against us； and
then there was Aretino； who dealt so hard with the POVERI FRATI；
all writers； at least Italian ones； are not lickspittles。 And then
in Spain； … 'tis true； Lope de Vega and Calderon were most
inordinate lickspittles； the PRINCIPE CONSTANTE of the last is a
curiosity in its way； and then the MARY STUART of Lope； I think I
shall recommend the perusal of that work to the Birmingham
ironmonger's daughter … she has been lately thinking of adding 〃a
slight knowledge of the magneeficent language of the Peninsula〃 to
the rest of her accomplishments； he！ he！ he！ But then there was
Cervantes； starving； but straight； he deals us some hard knocks in
that second part of his QUIXOTE。 Then there were some of the
writers of the picaresque novels。 No； all literary men are not
lickspittles； whether in Italy or Spain； or； indeed； upon the
Continent； it is only in England that all … '
'Come；' said I； 'Mind what you are about to say of English literary
men。'
'Why should I mind？' said the man in black； 'there are no literary
men here。 I have heard of literary men living in garrets； but not
in dingles； whatever philologists may do； I may； therefore； speak
out freely。 It is only in England that literary men are invariably
lickspittles； on which account； perhaps； they are so despised； even
by those who benefit by their dirty services。 Look at your
fashionable novel…writers； he！ he！ … and； above all； at your
newspaper editors； ho！ ho！'
'You will； of course； except the editors of the … from your censure
of the last class？' said I。
'Them！' said the man in black； 'why； they might serve as models in
the dirty trade to all the rest who practise it。 See how they
bepraise their patrons； the grand Whig nobility； who hope； by
raising the cry of liberalism and by putting themselves at the head
of the populace； to come into power shortly。 I don't wish to be
hard； at present； upon those Whigs；' he continued； 'for they are
playing our game； but a time will come when； not wanting them； we
will kick them to a considerable distance： and then； when
toleration is no longer the cry； and the Whigs are no longer backed
by the populace； see whether the editors of the … will stand by
them； they will prove themselves as expert lickspittles of
despotism as of liberalism。 Don't think they will always bespatter
the Tories and Austria。'
'Well；' said I； 'I am sorry to find that you entertain so low an
opinion of the spirit of English literary men； we will now return；
if you please； to the subject of the middle classes； I think your
strictures upon them in general are rather too sweeping … they are
not altogether the foolish people which you have described。 Look；
for example； at that very powerful and numerous body the
Dissenters； the descendants of those sturdy Patriots who hurled
Charles the Simple from his throne。'
'There are some sturdy fellows amongst them； I do not deny；' said
the man in black； 'especially amongst the preachers； clever withal
… two or three of that class nearly drove Mr。 Platitude mad； as
perhaps you are aware； but they are not very numerous； and the old
sturdy sort of preachers are fast dropping off； and； as we observe
with pleasure； are generally succeeded by frothy coxcombs； whom it
would not be very difficult to gain over。 But what we most rely
upon as an instrument to bring the Dissenters over to us is the
mania for gentility； which amongst them has of late become as
great； and more ridiculous than amongst the middle classes
belonging to the Church of England。 All the plain and simple
fashions of their forefathers they are either about to abandon； or
have already done so。 Look at the most part of their chapels … no
longer modest brick edifices； situated in quiet and retired
streets； but lunatic…looking erections； in what the simpletons call
the modern Gothic taste； of Portland stone； with a cross upon the
top； and the site generally the most conspicuous that can be found。
And look at the manner in which they educate their children … I
mean those that are wealthy。 They do not even wish them to be
Dissenters … 〃the sweet dears shall enjoy the advantages of good
society； of which their parents were debarred。〃 So the girls are
sent to tip…top boarding…schools； where amongst other trash they
read ROKEBY； and are taught to sing snatches from that high…flying
ditty； the 〃Cavalier〃 …
'Would you match the base Skippon； and Massey； and Brown；
With the barons of England； who fight for the crown？ …
he！ he！ their own names。 Whilst the lads are sent to those hotbeds
of pride and folly … colleges； whence they retur