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Platitude … '
'Stop；' said I； 'you said in the public…house that the Church of
England was a persecuting Church； and here in the dingle you have
confessed that one section of it is willing to grant perfect
freedom to the exercise of all religions； and the other only thinks
of leading an easy life。'
'Saying a thing in the public…house is a widely different thing
from saying it in the dingle；' said the man in black； 'had the
Church of England been a persecuting Church； it would not stand in
the position in which it stands at present； it might； with its
opportunities； have spread itself over the greater part of the
world。 I was about to observe that； instead of practising the
indolent habits of his High Church brethren； Platitude would be
working for his money； preaching the proper use of fire and faggot；
or rather of the halter and the whipping…post； encouraging mobs to
attack the houses of Dissenters； employing spies to collect the
scandal of neighbourhoods； in order that he might use it for
sacerdotal purposes； and； in fact； endeavouring to turn an English
parish into something like a Jesuit benefice in the south of
France。'
'He tried that game；' said I； 'and the parish said 〃Pooh； pooh；〃
and； for the most part； went over to the Dissenters。'
'Very true；' said the man in black； taking a sip at his glass； 'but
why were the Dissenters allowed to preach？ why were they not beaten
on the lips till they spat out blood； with a dislodged tooth or
two？ Why； but because the authority of the Church of England has；
by its own fault； become so circumscribed that Mr。 Platitude was
not able to send a host of beadles and sbirri to their chapel to
bring them to reason； on which account Mr。 Platitude is very
properly ashamed of his Church； and is thinking of uniting himself
with one which possesses more vigour and authority。'
'It may have vigour and authority；' said I； 'in foreign lands； but
in these kingdoms the day for practising its atrocities is gone by。
It is at present almost below contempt； and is obliged to sue for
grace IN FORMA PAUPERIS。'
'Very true；' said the man in black； 'but let it once obtain
emancipation； and it will cast its slough； put on its fine clothes；
and make converts by thousands。 'What a fine Church！' they'll say；
'with what authority it speaks！ no doubts； no hesitation； no
sticking at trifles。 What a contrast to the sleepy English Church！
They'll go over to it by millions； till it preponderates here over
every other； when it will of course be voted the dominant one； and
then … and then … ' and here the man in black drank a considerable
quantity of gin and water。
'What then？' said I。
'What then？' said the man in black； 'why she will be true to
herself。 Let Dissenters； whether they be Church of England； as
perhaps they may still call themselves； Methodist； or Presbyterian；
presume to grumble； and there shall be bruising of lips in pulpits；
tying up to whipping…posts； cutting off ears and noses … he！ he！
the farce of King Log has been acted long enough； the time for
Queen Stork's tragedy is drawing nigh'； and the man in black sipped
his gin and water in a very exulting manner。
'And this is the Church which； according to your assertion in the
public…house； never persecutes？'
'I have already given you an answer；' said the man in black。 'With
respect to the matter of the public…house； it is one of the happy
privileges of those who belong to my Church to deny in the public…
house what they admit in the dingle； we have high warranty for such
double speaking。 Did not the foundation stone of our Church； Saint
Peter； deny in the public…house what he had previously professed in
the valley？'
'And do you think；' said I； 'that the people of England； who have
shown aversion to anything in the shape of intolerance； will permit
such barbarities as you have described？'
'Let them become Papists；' said the man in black； 'only let the
majority become Papists； and you will see。'
'They will never become so；' said I； 'the good sense of the people
of England will never permit them to commit such an absurdity。'
'The good sense of the people of England！' said the man in black；
filling himself another glass。
'Yes；' said I； 'the good sense of not only the upper； but the
middle and lower classes。'
'And of what description of people are the upper class？' said the
man in black； putting a lump of sugar into his gin and water。
'Very fine people；' said I； 'monstrously fine people； so； at least；
they are generally believed to be。'
'He！ he！' said the man in black； 'only those think them so who
don't know them。 The male part of the upper class are in youth a
set of heartless profligates； in old age； a parcel of poor；
shaking； nervous paillards。 The female part； worthy to be the
sisters and wives of such wretches … unmarried； full of cold vice；
kept under by vanity and ambition； but which； after marriage； they
seek not to restrain； in old age； abandoned to vapours and horrors；
do you think that such beings will afford any obstacle to the
progress of the Church in these regions； as soon as her movements
are unfettered？'
'I cannot give an opinion； I know nothing of them； except from a
distance。 But what think you of the middle classes？'
'Their chief characteristic；' said the man in black； 'is a rage for
grandeur and gentility； and that same rage makes us quite sure of
them in the long run。 Everything that's lofty meets their
unqualified approbation； whilst everything humble； or； as they call
it； 〃low；〃 is scouted by them。 They begin to have a vague idea
that the religion which they have hitherto professed is low； at any
rate； that it is not the religion of the mighty ones of the earth；
of the great kings and emperors whose shoes they have a vast
inclination to kiss； nor was used by the grand personages of whom
they have read in their novels and romances； their Ivanhoes； their
Marmions； and their Ladies of the Lake。'
'Do you think that the writings of Scott have had any influence in
modifying their religious opinions？'
'Most certainly I do；' said the man in black。 'The writings of
that man have made them greater fools than they were before。 All
their conversation now is about gallant knights； princesses； and
cavaliers； with which his pages are stuffed … all of whom were
Papists； or very High Church； which is nearly the same thing； and
they are beginning to think that the religion of such nice sweet…
scented gentry must be something very superfine。 Why； I know at
Birmingham the daughter of an ironmonger； who screeches to the
piano the Lady of the Lake's hymn to the Virgin Mary； always weeps
when Mary Queen of Scots is mentioned； and fasts on the anniversary
of the death of that very wise martyr； Charles the First。 Why； I
would engage to con