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knelt down under the hedge； and said； 'Our Father'； but that was of
no use； and now I could no longer repress cries … the horror was
too great to be borne。 What should I do？ run to the nearest town
or village； and request the assistance of my fellow…men？ No！ that
I was ashamed to do； notwithstanding the horror was upon me； I was
ashamed to do that。 I knew they would consider me a maniac； if I
went screaming amongst them； and I did not wish to be considered a
maniac。 Moreover； I knew that I was not a maniac； for I possessed
all my reasoning powers； only the horror was upon me … the
screaming horror！ But how were indifferent people to distinguish
between madness and the screaming horror？ So I thought and
reasoned； and at last I determined not to go amongst my fellow…men；
whatever the result might be。 I went to the mouth of the dingle；
and there； placing myself on my knees； I again said the Lord's
Prayer； but it was of no use … praying seemed to have no effect
over the horror； the unutterable fear appeared rather to increase
than diminish； and I again uttered wild cries； so loud that I was
apprehensive they would be heard by some chance passenger on the
neighbouring road； I therefore went deeper into the dingle。 I sat
down with my back against a thorn bush； the thorns entered my
flesh； and when I felt them； I pressed harder against the bush； I
thought the pain of the flesh might in some degree counteract the
mental agony； presently I felt them no longer … the power of the
mental horror was so great that it was impossible； with that upon
me； to feel any pain from the thorns。 I continued in this posture
a long time； undergoing what I cannot describe； and would not
attempt if I were able。 Several times I was on the point of
starting up and rushing anywhere； but I restrained myself； for I
knew I could not escape from myself； so why should I not remain in
the dingle？ So I thought and said to myself； for my reasoning
powers were still uninjured。 At last it appeared to me that the
horror was not so strong； not quite so strong； upon me。 Was it
possible that it was relaxing its grasp； releasing its prey？ Oh
what a mercy！ but it could not be； and yet … I looked up to heaven；
and clasped my hands； and said； 'Our Father。' I said no more … I
was too agitated； and now I was almost sure that the horror had
done its worst。
After a little time I arose； and staggered down yet farther into
the dingle。 I again found my little horse on the same spot as
before。 I put my hand to his mouth … he licked my hand。 I flung
myself down by him； and put my arms round his neck； the creature
whinnied； and appeared to sympathise with me。 What a comfort to
have any one； even a dumb brute； to sympathise with me at such a
moment！ I clung to my little horse； as if for safety and
protection。 I laid my head on his neck； and felt almost calm。
Presently the fear returned； but not so wild as before； it
subsided； came again； again subsided； then drowsiness came over me；
and at last I fell asleep； my head supported on the neck of the
little horse。 I awoke； it was dark； dark night … not a star was to
be seen … but I felt no fear； the horror had left me。 I arose from
the side of the little horse； and went into my tent； lay down； and
again went to sleep。
I awoke in the morning weak and sore； and shuddering at the
remembrance of what I had gone through on the preceding day； the
sun was shining brightly； but it had not yet risen high enough to
show its head above the trees which fenced the eastern side of the
dingle； on which account the dingle was wet and dank from the dews
of the night。 I kindled my fire； and； after sitting by it for some
time to warm my frame； I took some of the coarse food which I have
already mentioned； notwithstanding my late struggle； and the
coarseness of the fare； I ate with appetite。 My provisions had by
this time been very much diminished； and I saw that it would be
speedily necessary； in the event of my continuing to reside in the
dingle； to lay in a fresh store。 After my meal； I went to the pit
and filled a can with water； which I brought to the dingle； and
then again sat down on my stone。 I considered what I should next
do： it was necessary to do something； or my life in this solitude
would be insupportable。 What should I do？ rouse up my forge and
fashion a horse…shoe？ But I wanted nerve and heart for such an
employment； moreover； I had no motive for fatiguing myself in this
manner； my own horse was shod； no other was at hand； and it is hard
to work for the sake of working。 What should I do？ read？ Yes； but
I had no other book than the Bible which the Welsh Methodist had
given me。 Well； why not read the Bible？ I was once fond of reading
the Bible； ay； but those days were long gone by。 However； I did
not see what else I could well do on the present occasion … so I
determined to read the Bible … it was in Welsh； at any rate it
might amuse me。 So I took the Bible out of the sack； in which it
was lying in the cart； and began to read at the place where I
chanced to open it。 I opened it at that part where the history of
Saul commences。 At first I read with indifference； but after some
time my attention was riveted； and no wonder； I had come to the
visitations of Saul … those dark moments of his； when he did and
said such unaccountable things； it almost appeared to me that I was
reading of myself； I； too； had my visitations； dark as ever his
were。 Oh； how I sympathised with Saul； the tall dark man！ I had
read his life before； but it had made no impression on me； it had
never occurred to me that I was like him； but I now sympathised
with Saul； for my own dark hour was but recently passed； and；
perhaps； would soon return again； the dark hour came frequently on
Saul。
Time wore away； I finished the book of Saul； and； closing the
volume； returned it to its place。 I then returned to my seat on
the stone； and thought of what I had read； and what I had lately
undergone。 All at once I thought I felt well…known sensations； a
cramping of the breast； and a tingling of the soles of the feet；
they were what I had felt on the preceding day … they were the
forerunners of the fear。 I sat motionless on my stone； the
sensations passed away； and the fear came not。 Darkness was now
coming again over the earth； the dingle was again in deep shade； I
roused the fire with the breath of the bellows； and sat looking at
the cheerful glow； it was cheering and comforting。 My little horse
came now and lay down on the ground beside the forge； I was not
quite deserted。 I again ate some of the coarse food； and drank
plentifully of the water which I had fetched in the morning。 I
then put fresh fuel on the fire； and sat for a long time looking on
the blaze； I then went into my tent。
I awoke； on my own calculation； ab