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down senseless。 My mother was 。 。 。 I remember nothing for a long
time … for two years I was out of my mind； at the end of this time
I recovered； or partly so。 My uncle the baronet was very kind to
me； he advised me to travel； he offered to go with me。 I told him
he was very kind； but I would rather go by myself。 So I went
abroad； and saw； amongst other things； Rome and the Pyramids。 By
frequent change of scene my mind became not happy； but tolerably
tranquil。 I continued abroad some years； when； becoming tired of
travelling； I came home； found my uncle the baronet alive； hearty；
and unmarried； as he still is。 He received me very kindly； took me
to Newmarket； and said that he hoped by this time I was become
quite a man of the world； by his advice I took a house in town； in
which I lived during the season。 In summer I strolled from one
watering…place to another； and； in order to pass the time； I became
very dissipated。
'At last I became as tired of dissipation as I had previously been
of travelling； and I determined to retire to the country； and live
on my paternal estate； this resolution I was not slow in putting
into effect； I sold my house in town； repaired and refurnished my
country house； and； for at least ten years； lived a regular country
life； I gave dinner parties； prosecuted poachers； was charitable to
the poor； and now and then went into my library； during this time I
was seldom or never visited by the magic impulse； the reason being
that there was nothing in the wide world for which I cared
sufficiently to move a finger to preserve it。 When the ten years；
however； were nearly ended； I started out of bed one morning in a
fit of horror； exclaiming； 〃Mercy； mercy！ what will become of me？
I am afraid I shall go mad。 I have lived thirty…five years and
upwards without doing anything； shall I pass through life in this
manner？ Horror！' And then in rapid succession I touched three
different objects。
'I dressed myself and went down； determining to set about
something； but what was I to do？ … there was the difficulty。 I ate
no breakfast； but walked about the room in a state of distraction；
at last I thought that the easiest way to do something was to get
into Parliament； there would be no difficulty in that。 I had
plenty of money； and could buy a seat； but what was I to do in
Parliament？ Speak； of course … but could I speak？ 〃I'll try at
once；〃 said I； and forthwith I rushed into the largest dining…room；
and； locking the door； I commenced speaking： 〃Mr。 Speaker；〃 said
I； and then I went on speaking for about ten minutes as I best
could； and then I left off； for I was talking nonsense。 No； I was
not formed for Parliament； I could do nothing there。 What … what
was I to do？
'Many； many times I thought this question over； but was unable to
solve it； a fear now stole over me that I was unfit for anything in
the world； save the lazy life of vegetation which I had for many
years been leading； yet； if that were the case； thought I； why the
craving within me to distinguish myself？ Surely it does not occur
fortuitously； but is intended to rouse and call into exercise
certain latent powers that I possess？ and then with infinite
eagerness I set about attempting to discover these latent powers。
I tried an infinity of pursuits； botany and geology amongst the
rest； but in vain； I was fitted for none of them。 I became very
sorrowful and despondent； and at one time I had almost resolved to
plunge again into the whirlpool of dissipation； it was a dreadful
resource； it was true； but what better could I do？
'But I was not doomed to return to the dissipation of the world。
One morning a young nobleman； who had for some time past showed a
wish to cultivate my acquaintance； came to me in a considerable
hurry。 〃I am come to beg an important favour of you；〃 said he；
〃one of the county memberships is vacant … I intend to become a
candidate； what I want immediately is a spirited address to the
electors。 I have been endeavouring to frame one all the morning；
but in vain； I have； therefore； recourse to you as a person of
infinite genius； pray； my dear friend； concoct me one by the
morning！〃 〃What you require of me；〃 I replied； 〃is impossible； I
have not the gift of words； did I possess it I would stand for the
county myself； but I can't speak。 Only the other day I attempted
to make a speech； but left off suddenly； utterly ashamed； although
I was quite alone； of the nonsense I was uttering。〃 〃It is not a
speech that I want；〃 said my friend； 〃I can talk for three hours
without hesitating； but I want an address to circulate through the
county； and I find myself utterly incompetent to put one together；
do oblige me by writing one for me； I know you can； and； if at any
time you want a person to speak for you； you may command me not for
three but for six hours。 Good…morning； to…morrow I will breakfast
with you。' In the morning he came again。 〃Well；〃 said he； 〃what
success？〃 〃Very poor；〃 said I； 〃but judge for yourself〃； and I put
into his hand a manuscript of several pages。 My friend read it
through with considerable attention。 〃I congratulate you；〃 said
he； 〃and likewise myself； I was not mistaken in my opinion of you；
the address is too long by at least two…thirds； or I should rather
say； that it is longer by two…thirds than addresses generally are；
but it will do … I will not curtail it of a word。 I shall win my
election。〃 And in truth he did win his election； and it was not
only his own but the general opinion that he owed it to the
address。
'But； however that might be； I had； by writing the address； at last
discovered what had so long eluded my search … what I was able to
do。 I； who had neither the nerve nor the command of speech
necessary to constitute the orator … who had not the power of
patient research required by those who would investigate the
secrets of nature； had； nevertheless； a ready pen and teeming
imagination。 This discovery decided my fate … from that moment I
became an author。'
CHAPTER LXVI
Trepidations … Subtle principle … Perverse imagination … Are they
mine？ … Another book … How hard！ … Agricultural dinner …
Incomprehensible actions … Inmost bosom … Give it up … Chance
resemblance … Rascally newspaper。
'AN author；' said I； addressing my host； 'is it possible that I am
under the roof of an author？'
'Yes；' said my host； sighing； 'my name is so and so； and I am the
author of so and so； it is more than probable that you have heard
both of my name and works。 I will not detain you much longer with
my history； the night is advancing； and the storm appears to be
upon the increase。 My life since the period of my becoming an
author may be summed briefly as an almost uninterrupted series of
doubts； anxieties； and trepidations。 I see clearly