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breast。 I believe that would have cured me effectually； if it had not
been for young Wilson。 When I went to bed； I put my mustard plaster
which was a very gorgeous one； eighteen inches squarewhere I could
reach it when I was ready for it。 But young Wilson got hungry in the
night； and here is food for the imagination。
After sojourning a week at Lake Bigler； I went to Steamboat Springs； and；
besides the steam…baths； I took a lot of the vilest medicines that were
ever concocted。 They would have cured me； but I had to go back to
Virginia City； where； notwithstanding the variety of new remedies I
absorbed every day； I managed to aggravate my disease by carelessness and
undue exposure。
I finally concluded to visit San Francisco； and the； first day I got
there a lady at the hotel told me to drink a quart of whisky every
twenty…four hours； and a friend up…town recommended precisely the same
course。 Each advised me to take a quart； that made half a gallon。 I did
it； and still live。
Now； with the kindest motives in the world； I offer for the consideration
of consumptive patients the variegated course of treatment I have lately
gone through。 Let them try it； if it don't cure； it can't more than kill
them。
A CURIOUS PLEASURE EXCURSION
＇Published at the time of the 〃Comet Scare〃 in the summer of 1874＇
＇We have received the following advertisement； but； inasmuch as it
concerns a matter of deep and general interest； we feel fully justified
in inserting it in our reading…columns。 We are confident that our
conduct in this regard needs only explanation； not apology。Ed。； N。 Y。
Herald。＇
ADVERTISEMENT
This is to inform the public that in connection with Mr。 Barnum I have
leased the comet for a term； of years； and I desire also to solicit the
public patronage in favor of a beneficial enterprise which we have in
view。
We propose to fit up comfortable； and even luxurious； accommodations in
the comet for as many persons as will honor us with their patronage； and
make an extended excursion among the heavenly bodies。 We shall prepare
1；000；000 state…rooms in the tail of the comet （with hot and cold water；
gas； looking…glass； parachute； umbrella； etc。； in each）； and shall
construct more if we meet with a sufficiently generous encouragement。
We shall have billiard…rooms； card…rooms； music…rooms； bowling…alleys and
many spacious theaters and free libraries； and on the main deck we
propose to have a driving park； with upward of 100；000 miles of roadway
in it。 We shall publish daily newspapers also。
DEPARTURE OF THE COMET
The comet will leave New York at 10 P。M。 on the 20th inst。； and
therefore it will be desirable that the passengers be on board by eight
at the latest； to avoid confusion in getting under way。 It is not known
whether passports will be necessary or not； but it is deemed best that
passengers provide them； and so guard against all contingencies。 No dogs
will be allowed on board。 This rule has been made in deference to the
existing state of feeling regarding these animals； and will be strictly
adhered to。 The safety of the passengers will in all ways be jealously
looked to。 A substantial iron railing will be put up all around the
comet； and no one will be allowed to go to the edge and look over unless
accompanied by either my partner or myself。
THE POSTAL SERVICE
will be of the completest character。 Of course the telegraph； and the
telegraph only； will be employed； consequently friends occupying state…
rooms 20；000；000 and even 30；000；000 miles apart will be able to send a
message and receive a reply inside of eleven days。 Night messages will
be half…rate。 The whole of this vast postal system will be under the
personal superintendence of Mr。 Hale of Maine。 Meals served at all
hours。 Meals served in staterooms charged extra。
Hostility is not apprehended from any great planet； but we have thought
it best to err on the safe side； and therefore have provided a proper
number of mortars； siege…guns； and boarding…pikes。 History shows that
small； isolated communities； such as the people of remote islands； are
prone to be hostile to strangers； and so the same may be the case with
THE INHABITANTS OF STARS
of the tenth or twentieth magnitude。 We shall in no case wantonly offend
the people of any star； but shall treat all alike with urbanity and
kindliness； never conducting ourselves toward an asteroid after a fashion
which we could not venture to assume toward Jupiter or Saturn。 I repeat
that we shall not wantonly offend any star； but at the same time we shall
promptly resent any injury that may be done us； or any insolence offered
us； by parties or governments residing in any star in the firmament。
Although averse to the shedding of blood； we shall still hold this course
rigidly and fearlessly； not only toward single stars； but toward
constellations。 We shall hope to leave a good impression of America
behind us in every nation we visit； from Venus to Uranus。 And； at all
events； if we cannot inspire love we shall at least compel respect for
our country wherever we go。 We shall take with us； free of charge；
A GREAT FORCE OF MISSIONARIES；
and shed the true light upon all the celestial orbs which； physically
aglow； are yet morally in darkness。 Sunday…schools will be established
wherever practicable。 Compulsory education will also be introduced。
The comet will visit Mars first； and proceed to Mercury； Jupiter； Venus；
and Saturn。 Parties connected with the government of the District of
Columbia and with the former city government of New York； who may desire
to inspect the rings； will be allowed time and every facility。 Every
star of prominent magnitude will be visited； and time allowed for
excursions to points of interest inland。
THE DOG STAR
has been stricken from the program。 Much time will be spent in the Great
Bear； and； indeed； in every constellation of importance。 So； also； with
the Sun and Moon and the Milky Pay； otherwise the Gulf Stream of the
Skies。 Clothing suitable for wear in the sun should be provided。 Our
program has been so arranged that we shall seldom go more than
100；000；000 of miles at a time without stopping at some star。 This will
necessarily make the stoppages frequent and preserve the interest of the
tourist。 Baggage checked through to any point on the route。 Parties
desiring to make only a part of the proposed tour； and thus save expense；
may stop over at any star they choose and wait for the return voyage。
After visiting all the most celebrated stars and constellations in our
system and personally； inspecting the remotest sparks that even the most
powerful telescope can now detect in the firmament； we shall proceed with
good heart upon
A STUPENDOUS VOYAGE
of discovery among the countless whirling worlds that make turmoil in the
mighty wastes of space that stretch their solemn solitudes； their
unimaginable vastness billions upon billions of miles away beyond the
farthe