按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
there； but nobody offered me a seat。 They stared at me as if I had been
an intruder。 The President said：
〃Well； sir； who are you？〃
I handed him my card； and he read： 〃The HON。 MARK TWAIN； Clerk of the
Senate Committee on Conchology。〃 Then he looked at me from head to foot；
as if he had never heard of me before。 The Secretary of the Treasury
said：
〃This is the meddlesome ass that came to recommend me to put poetry and
conundrums in my report； as if it were an almanac。〃
The Secretary of War said： 〃It is the same visionary that came to me
yesterday with a scheme to educate a portion of the Indians to death；
and massacre the balance。〃
The Secretary of the Navy said： 〃I recognize this youth as the person who
has been interfering with my business time and again during the week。 He
is distressed about Admiral Farragut's using a whole fleet for a pleasure
excursion； as he terms it。 His proposition about some insane pleasure
excursion on a raft is too absurd to repeat。〃
I said： 〃 Gentlemen； I perceive here a disposition to throw discredit
upon every act of my official career； I perceive； also； a disposition to
debar me from all voice in the counsels of the nation。 No notice
whatever was sent to me to…day。 It was only by the merest chance that I
learned that there was going to be a Cabinet meeting。 But let these
things pass。 All I wish to know is； is this a Cabinet meeting or is it
not？〃
The President said it was。
〃Then；〃 I said； 〃let us proceed to business at once； and not fritter away
valuable time in unbecoming fault…findings with each other's official
conduct。〃
The Secretary of State now spoke up； in his benignant way； and said；
〃Young man； you are laboring under a mistake。 The clerks of the
Congressional committees are not members of the Cabinet。 Neither are the
doorkeepers of the Capitol； strange as it may seem。 Therefore； much as
we could desire your more than human wisdom in our deliberations； we
cannot lawfully avail ourselves of it。 The counsels of the nation must
proceed without you； if disaster follows； as follow full well it may； be
it balm to your sorrowing spirit that by deed and voice you did what in
you lay to avert it。 You have my blessing。 Farewell。〃
These gentle words soothed my troubled breast； and I went away。 But the
servants of a nation can know no peace。 I had hardly reached my den in
the Capitol； and disposed my feet on the table like a representative；
when one of the Senators on the Conchological Committee came in in a
passion and said：
〃Where have you been all day？〃
I observed that； if that was anybody's affair but my own； I had been to a
Cabinet meeting。
〃To a Cabinet meeting？ I would like to know what business you had at a
Cabinet meeting？〃
I said I went there to consultallowing for the sake of argument that he
was in any wise concerned in the matter。 He grew insolent then； and
ended by saying he had wanted me for three days past to copy a report on
bomb…shells； egg…shells； clamshells； and I don't know what all； connected
with conchology； and nobody had been able to find me。
This was too much。 This was the feather that broke the clerical camel's
back。 I said； 〃Sir； do you suppose that I am going to work for six
dollars a day？ If that is the idea； let me recommend the Senate
Committee on Conchology to hire somebody else。 I am the slave of no
faction！ Take back your degrading commission。 Give me liberty； or give
me death！〃
From that hour I was no longer connected with the government。 Snubbed by
the department； snubbed by the Cabinet； snubbed at last by the chairman
of a committee I was endeavoring to adorn； I yielded to persecution； cast
far from me the perils and seductions of my great office； and forsook my
bleeding country in the hour of her peril。
But I had done the state some service； and I sent in my bill：
The United States of America in account with
the Hon。 Clerk of the Senate Committee on Conchology； Dr。
To consultation with Secretary of War 。。。。。。。。。。。。 50
To consultation with Secretary of Navy 。。。。。。。。。。。 50
To consultation with Secretary of the Treasury 。。。 50
Cabinet consultation 。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。No charge。
To mileage to and from Jerusalem； via Egypt；
Algiers； Gibraltar； and Cadiz；
14；000 miles； at 20c。 a mile 。。。。。。。。。。。。。 2；800
To salary as Clerk of Senate Committee
on Conchology； six days； at 6 per day 。。。。。。。。。。。 36
Total 。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。 2；986
＇Territorial delegates charge mileage both ways； although they never go
back when they get here once。 Why my mileage is denied me is more than I
can understand。＇
Not an item of this bill has been paid； except that trifle of thirty…six
dollars for clerkship salary。 The Secretary of the Treasury； pursuing me
to the last； drew his pen through all the other items； and simply marked
in the margin 〃Not allowed。〃 So； the dread alternative is embraced at
last。 Repudiation has begun！ The nation is lost。
I am done with official life for the present。 Let those clerks who are
willing to be imposed on remain。 I know numbers of them in the
departments who are never informed when there is to be a Cabinet meeting；
whose advice is never asked about war； or finance； or commerce； by the
heads of the nation； any more than if they were not connected with the
government； and who actually stay in their offices day after day and
work！ They know their importance to the nation； and they unconsciously
show it in their bearing； and the way they order their sustenance at the
restaurantbut they work。 I know one who has to paste all sorts of
little scraps from the newspapers into a scrapbooksometimes as many as
eight or ten scraps a day。 He doesn't do it well； but he does it as well
as he can。 It is very fatiguing。 It is exhausting to the intellect。
Yet he only gets eighteen hundred dollars a year。 With a brain like his；
that young man could amass thousands and thousands of dollars in some
other pursuit； if he chose to do it。 But nohis heart is with his
country； and he will serve her as long as she has got a scrapbook left。
And I know clerks that don't know how to write very well； but such
knowledge as they possess they nobly lay at the feet of their country；
and toil on and suffer for twenty…five hundred dollars a year。 What they
write has to be written over again by other clerks sometimes； but when a
man has done his best for his country； should his country complain？ Then
there are clerks that have no clerkships； and are waiting； and waiting；
and waiting for a vacancywaiting patiently for a chance to help their
country outand while they； are waiting； they only get barely two
thousand dollars a year for it。 It is sad it is very； very sad。 When a
member of Congress has a friend who is gifted； but has no employment
wherein his great powers may be brought to bear； he confers him upon his
country； and gives him a clerkship in a department。 And there that man
has to slave his life out； fighting documents for the benefit of a nation
that