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insane。 If he talks about the stars； he is insane。 If he appears
nervous and uneasy an hour before the killing； he is insane。 If he weeps
over a great grief； his friends shake their heads； and fear that he is
〃not right。〃 If； an hour after the murder； he seems ill at ease；
preoccupied； and excited； he is； unquestionably insane。
Really； what we want now； is not laws against crime； but a law against
insanity。 There is where the true evil lies。
A CURIOUS DREAM
CONTAINING A MORAL
Night before last I had a singular dream。 I seemed to be sitting on a
doorstep （in no particular city perhaps） ruminating； and the time of
night appeared to be about twelve or one o'clock。 The weather was balmy
and delicious。 There was no human sound in the air； not even a footstep。
There was no sound of any kind to emphasize the dead stillness； except
the occasional hollow barking of a dog in the distance and the fainter
answer of a further dog。 Presently up the street I heard a bony
clack…clacking； and guessed it was the castanets of a serenading party。
In a minute more a tall skeleton； hooded； and half clad in a tattered and
moldy shroud； whose shreds were flapping about the ribby latticework of
its person； swung by me with a stately stride and disappeared in the gray
gloom of the starlight。 It had a broken and worm…eaten coffin on its
shoulder and a bundle of something in its hand。 I knew what the
clack…clacking was then； it was this party's joints working together；
and his elbows knocking against his sides as he walked。 I may say I was
surprised。 Before I could collect my thoughts and enter upon any
speculations as to what this apparition might portend； I heard another
one coming for I recognized his clack…clack。 He had two…thirds of a
coffin on his shoulder； and some foot and head boards under his arm。
I mightily wanted； to peer under his hood and speak to him； but when he
turned and smiled upon me with his cavernous sockets and his projecting
grin as he went by； I thought I would not detain him。 He was hardly gone
when I heard the clacking again； and another one issued from the shadowy
half…light。 This one was bending under a heavy gravestone； and dragging
a shabby coffin after him by a string。 When he got to me he gave me a
steady look for a moment or two； and then rounded to and backed up to me；
saying：
〃Ease this down for a fellow； will you？〃
I eased the gravestone down till it rested on the ground； and in doing so
noticed that it bore the name of 〃John Baxter Copmanhurst；〃with 〃May；
1839；〃 as the date of his death。 Deceased sat wearily down by me； and
wiped his os frontis with his major maxillarychiefly from former habit
I judged； for I could not see that he brought away any perspiration。
〃It is too bad； too bad；〃 said he； drawing the remnant of the shroud
about him and leaning his jaw pensively on his hand。 Then he put his
left foot up on his knee and fell to scratching his anklebone absently
with a rusty nail which he got out of his coffin。
〃What is too bad； friend？〃
〃Oh； everything； everything。 I almost wish I never had died。〃
〃You surprise me。 Why do you say this？ Has anything gone wrong？ What
is the matter？〃
〃Matter！ Look at this shroud…rags。 Look at this gravestone； all
battered up。 Look at that disgraceful old coffin。 All a man's property
going to ruin and destruction before his eyes； and ask him if anything is
wrong？ Fire and brimstone！〃
〃Calm yourself； calm yourself；〃 I said。 〃It is too bad…it is certainly
too bad； but then I had not supposed that you would much mind such
matters situated as you are。〃
〃Well； my dear sir； I do mind them。 My pride is hurt； and my comfort is
impaireddestroyed； I might say。 I will state my caseI will put it to
you in such a way that you can comprehend it； if you will let me；〃 said
the poor skeleton； tilting the hood of his shroud back； as if he were
clearing for action； and thus unconsciously giving himself a jaunty and
festive air very much at variance with the grave character of his
position in lifeso to speakand in prominent contrast with his
distressful mood。
〃Proceed；〃 said I。
〃I reside in the shameful old graveyard a block or two above you here；
in this streetthere； now； I just expected that cartilage would let go！…
…third rib from the bottom； friend； hitch the end of it to my spine with
a string； if you have got such a thing about you； though a bit of silver
wire is a deal pleasanter； and more durable and becoming； if one keeps it
polishedto think of shredding out and going to pieces in this way； just
on account of the indifference and neglect of one's posterity！〃 and the
poor ghost grated his teeth in a way that gave me a wrench and a shiver
for the effect is mightily increased by the absence of muffling flesh
and cuticle。 〃I reside in that old graveyard； and have for these thirty
years； and I tell you things are changed since I first laid this old
tired frame there； and turned over； and stretched out for a long sleep；
with a delicious sense upon me of being done with bother； and grief；
and anxiety； and doubt； and fear； forever and ever； and listening with
comfortable and increasing satisfaction to the sexton's work； from the
startling clatter of his first spadeful on my coffin till it dulled away
to the faint patting that shaped the roof of my new home…delicious！ My！
I wish you could try it to…night！〃 and out of my reverie deceased fetched
me a rattling slap with a bony hand。
〃Yes； sir； thirty years ago I laid me down there； and was happy。 For it
was out in the country thenout in the breezy； flowery； grand old woods；
and the lazy winds gossiped with the leaves； and the squirrels capered
over us and around us； and the creeping things visited us； and the birds
filled the tranquil solitude with music。 Ah； it was worth ten years of a
man's life to be dead then！ Everything was pleasant。 I was in a good
neighborhood； for all the dead people that lived near me belonged to the
best families in the city。 Our posterity appeared to think the world of
us。 They kept our graves in the very best condition； the fences were
always in faultless repair； head…boards were kept painted or whitewashed；
and were replaced with new ones as soon as they began to look rusty or
decayed； monuments were kept upright； railings intact and bright； the
rose…bushes and shrubbery trimmed； trained； and free from blemish； the
walks clean and smooth and graveled。 But that day is gone by。 Our
descendants have forgotten us。 My grandson lives in a stately house
built with money made by these old hands of mine； and I sleep in a
neglected grave with invading vermin that gnaw my shroud to build them
nests withal！ I and friends that lie with me founded and secured the
prosperity of this fine city； and the stately bantling of our loves
leaves us to rot in a dilapidated cemetery which neighbors curse and
strangers scoff at。 See the difference between the old time and this
for instance： Our graves are all caved in now； our head…boards have
rotted away and tumbled down； our railings reel this way and that； with
one foot in the air； after a fashion of unseemly l