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Stanton;〃come and view a purchase I have made。〃 Stanton absently
alighted; and followed him across a small paved court; the other
person followed。 〃In troth; Cousin;〃 said Stanton; 〃your choice
appears not to have been discreetly made; your house has somewhat
of a gloomy aspect。〃〃Hold you content; Cousin;〃 replied the
other; 〃I shall take order that you like it better; when you have
been some time a dweller therein。〃 Some attendants of a mean
appearance; and with most suspicious visages; awaited them on their
entrance; and they ascended a narrow staircase; which led to a room
meanly furnished。 〃Wait here;〃 said the kinsman; to the man who
accompanied them; 〃till I go for company to divertise my cousin in
his loneliness。〃 They were left alone。 Stanton took no notice of
his companion; but as usual seized the first book near him; and
began to read。 It was a volume in manuscript;they were then much
more common than now。
The first lines struck him as indicating insanity in the writer。
It was a wild proposal (written apparently after the great fire of
London) to rebuild it with stone; and attempting to prove; on a
calculation wild; false; and yet sometimes plausible; that this
could be done out of the colossal fragments of Stonehenge; which
the writer proposed to remove for that purpose。 Subjoined were
several grotesque drawings of engines designed to remove those
massive blocks; and in a corner of the page was a note;〃I would
have drawn these more accurately; but was not allowed a KNIFE to
mend my pen。〃
The next was entitled; 〃A modest proposal for the spreading of
Christianity in foreign parts; whereby it is hoped its
entertainment will become general all over the world。〃This modest
proposal was; to convert the Turkish ambassadors (who had been in
London a few years before); by offering them their choice of being
strangled on the spot; or becoming Christians。 Of course the
writer reckoned on their embracing the easier alternative; but even
this was to be clogged with a heavy condition;namely; that they
must be bound before a magistrate to convert twenty Mussulmans a
day; on their return to Turkey。 The rest of the pamphlet was
reasoned very much in the conclusive style of Captain Bobadil;
these twenty will convert twenty more apiece; and these two hundred
converts; converting their due number in the same time; all Turkey
would be converted before the Grand Signior knew where he was。
Then comes the coup d'eclat;one fine morning; every minaret in
Constantinople was to ring out with bells; instead of the cry of
the Muezzins; and the Imaum; coming out to see what was the matter;
was to be encountered by the Archbishop of Canterbury; in
pontificalibus; performing Cathedral service in the church of St。
Sophia; which was to finish the business。 Here an objection
appeared to arise; which the ingenuity of the writer had
anticipated。〃It may be redargued;〃 saith he; 〃by those who have
more spleen than brain; that forasmuch as the Archbishop preacheth
in English; he will not thereby much edify the Turkish folk; who do
altogether hold in a vain gabble of their own。〃 But this (to use
his own language) he 〃evites;〃 by judiciously observing; that where
service was performed in an unknown tongue; the devotion of the
people was always observed to be much increased thereby; as; for
instance; in the church of Rome;that St。 Augustine; with his
monks; advanced to meet King Ethelbert singing litanies (in a
language his majesty could not possibly have understood); and
converted him and his whole court on the spot;that the sybilline
books。 。 。 。
。 。 。 。 。
Cum multis aliis。
Between the pages were cut most exquisitely in paper the likenesses
of some of these Turkish ambassadors; the hair of the beards; in
particular; was feathered with a delicacy of touch that seemed the
work of fairy fingers;but the pages ended with a complaint of the
operator; that his scissors had been taken from him。 However; he
consoled himself and the reader with the assurance; that he would
that night catch a moonbeam as it entered through the grating; and;
when he had whetted it on the iron knobs of his door; would do
wonders with it。 In the next page was found a melancholy proof of
powerful but prostrated intellect。 It contained some insane lines;
ascribed to Lee the dramatic poet; commencing;
〃O that my lungs could bleat like buttered pease;〃 &c。
There is no proof whatever that these miserable lines were really
written by Lee; except that the measure is the fashionable quatrain
of the period。 It is singular that Stanton read on without
suspicion of his own danger; quite absorbed in the album of a
madhouse; without ever reflecting on the place where he was; and
which such compositions too manifestly designated。
It was after a long interval that he looked round; and perceived
that his companion was gone。 Bells were unusual then。 He
proceeded to the door;it was fastened。 He called aloud;his
voice was echoed in a moment by many others; but in tones so wild
and discordant; that he desisted in involuntary terror。 As the day
advanced; and no one approached; he tried the window; and then
perceived for the first time it was grated。 It looked out on the
narrow flagged yard; in which no human being was; and if there had;
from such a being no human feeling could have been extracted。
Sickening with unspeakable horror; he sunk rather than sat down
beside the miserable window; and 〃wished for day。〃
。 。 。 。 。
At midnight he started from a doze; half a swoon; half a sleep;
which probably the hardness of his seat; and of the deal table on
which he leaned; had not contributed to prolong。
He was in complete darkness; the horror of his situation struck him
at once; and for a moment he was indeed almost qualified for an
inmate of that dreadful mansion。 He felt his way to the door;
shook it with desperate strength; and uttered the most frightful
cries; mixed with expostulations and commands。 His cries were in a
moment echoed by a hundred voices。 In maniacs there is a peculiar
malignity; accompanied by an extraordinary acuteness of some of the
senses; particularly in distinguishing the voice of a stranger。
The cries that he heard on every side seemed like a wild and
infernal yell of joy; that their mansion of misery had obtained
another tenant。
He paused; exhausted;a quick and thundering step was heard in the
passage。 The door was opened; and a man of savage appearance stood
at the entrance;two more were seen indistinctly in the passage。
〃Release me; villain!〃〃Stop; my fine fellow; what's all this
noise for?〃 〃Where am I?〃 〃Where you ought to be。〃 〃Will you
dare to detain me?〃〃Yes; and a little more than that;〃 answered
the ruffian; applying a loaded horsewhip to his back and shoulders;
till the patient soon fell to th