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social damnation which had been inflicted upon him; and he then
resolved to leave the country and go to America。 The night before
he started he came down here to take leave。 I was here looking
after my parentsGeorge; whose mind was almost unhinged by the
family disgrace; having gone abroad with his wife。 My mother at
the first news of what had happened had taken to her bed; never to
leave it again; and thus it was in my presence alone; up there in
my father's little study; that Jack gave him that night the whole
story。 He told it quietly enough; but when he had finished; with a
sudden outburst of feeling he turned upon me。 It was I who had
been the cause of it all。 My insensate folly had induced him to
make the unhappy woman's acquaintance; to allow and even encourage
her fatal love; to commit all the blunders and sins which had
brought about her miserable ending and his final overthrow。 It was
by means of me that she had obtained access to him on that dreadful
night; my evidence which most utterly damned him in public opinion;
through me he had lost his reputation; his friends; his career; his
country; the woman he loved; his hopes for the future; through me;
above all; that the burden of that horrible death would lie for
ever on his soul。 He was lashing himself to fury with his own
words as he spoke; and I stood leaning against the wall opposite to
him; cold; dumb; unresisting; when suddenly my father interrupted。
I think that both Jack and I had forgotten his presence; but at the
sound of his voice; changed from what we had ever heard it; we
turned to him; and I then for the first time saw in his face the
death…look which never afterwards quitted it。
〃'Stop; Jack;' he said; 'Alan is not to blame; and if it had not
been in this way; it would have been in some other。 I only am
guilty; who brought you both into existence with my own hell…
stained blood in your veins。 If you wish to curse anyone; curse
your family; your name; me if you will; and may God forgive me that
you were ever born into the world!'〃
Alan stopped with a shudder; and then continued; dully; 〃It was
when I heard those words; the most terrible that a father could
have uttered; that I first understood all that that old sixteenth…
century tale might mean to me and mine;I have realized it vividly
enough since。 Early the next morning; when the dawn was just
breaking; Jack came to the door of my room to bid me good…by。 All
his passion was gone。 His looks and tones seemed part and parcel
of the dim gray morning light。 He freely withdrew all the charges
he had made against me the night before; forgave me all the share
that I had had in his misfortunes; and then begged that I would
never come near him; or let him hear from me again。 'The curse is
heavy upon us both;' he said; 'and it is the only favor which you
can do me。' I have never seen him since。〃
〃But you have heard of him!〃 I exclaimed; 〃what has become of him?〃
Alan raised himself to a sitting posture。 〃The last that I heard;〃
he said; with a catch in his voice; 〃was that in his misery and
hopelessness he was taking to drink。 George writes to him; and
does what he can; but II dare not say a word; for fear it should
turn to poison on my lips;I dare not lift a hand to help him; for
fear it should have power to strike him to the ground。 The worst
may be yet to come; I am still living; still living: there are
depths of shame to which he has not sunk。 And oh; Evie; Evie; he
is my own; my best…loved brother!〃
All his composure was gone now。 His voice rose to a kind of wail
with the last words; and folding his arms on his raised knee; he
let his head fall upon them; while his figure quivered with
scarcely restrained emotion。 There was a silence for some moments
while he sat thus; I looking on in wretched helplessness beside
him。 Then he raised his head; and; without looking round at me;
went on in a low tone: 〃And what is in the future? I pray that
death instead of shame may be the portion of the next generation;
and I look at George's boys only to wonder which of them is the
happy one who shall some day lie dead at his brother's feet。 Are
you surprised at my resolution never to marry? The fatal prophecy
is rich in its fulfillment; none of our name and blood are safe;
and the day might come when I too should have to call upon my
children to curse me for their birth;should have to watch while
the burden which I could no longer bear alone pressed the life from
their mother's heart。〃
Through the tragedy of this speech I was conscious of a faint
suggestion of comfort; a far…off glimmer; as of unseen home…lights
on a midnight sky。 I was in no mood then to understand; or to seek
to understand; what it was; but I know now that his words had
removed the weight of helpless banishment from my spiritthat his
heart; speaking through them to my own; had made me for life the
sharer of his grief。
VIII
Presently he drew his shoulders together with a slight determined
jerk; threw himself back upon the grass; and turning to me; with
that tremulous; haggard smile upon his lips which I knew so well;
but which had never before struck me with such infinite pathos;
〃Luckily;〃 he said; 〃there are other things to do in life besides
being happy。 Only perhaps you understand now what I meant last
night when I spoke of things which flesh and blood cannot bear; and
yet which must be borne。〃
Suddenly and sharply his words roused again into activity the
loathsome memory which my interest in his story had partially
deadened。 He noticed the quick involuntary contraction of my
muscles; and read it aright。 〃That reminds me;〃 he went on; 〃I
must claim your promise。 I have told you my story。 Now; tell me
yours。〃
I told him; not as I have set it down here; though perhaps even in
greater detail; but incoherently; bit by bit; while he helped me
out with gentle questions; quickly comprehending gestures; and
patient waiting during the pauses of exhaustion which perforce
interposed themselves。 As my story approached its climax; his
agitation grew almost equal to my own; and he listened to the
close; his teeth clenched; his brows bent; as if passing again with
me through that awful conflict。 When I had finished; it was some
moments before either of us could speak; and then he burst forth
into bitter self…reproach for having so far yielded to his
brother's angry obstinacy as to allow me to sleep the third night
in that fatal room。
〃It was cowardice;〃 he said; 〃sheer cowardice! After all that has
happened; I dared not have a quarrel with one of my own blood。 And
yet if I had not hardened my heart; I had reason to know what I was
risking。〃
〃How do you mean?〃 I asked。
〃Those other two girls who slept there;〃 he said; breathlessly; 〃it
was in each case after the third night there that they were found
deaddead; Evie; so runs the story; with a ma