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to； those little and apparently trifling things by which pleasure
is given or pain occasioned to others。 Indeed； it may be said
that in self…sacrificingness； so to speak； in the ordinary
intercourse of life； mainly consists the difference between being
well and ill bred。
Without some degree of self…restraint in society； a man may be
found almost insufferable。 No one has pleasure in holding
intercourse with such a person； and he is a constant source of
annoyance to those about him。 For want of self…restraint； many
men are engaged all their lives in fighting with difficulties of
their own making； and rendering success impossible by their own
crossgrained ungentleness； whilst others； it may be much less
gifted； make their way and achieve success by simple patience；
equanimity； and self…control。
It has been said that men succeed in life quite as much by their
temper as by their talents。 However this may be； it is certain
that their happiness depends mainly on their temperament；
especially upon their disposition to be cheerful； upon their
complaisance； kindliness of manner； and willingness to oblige
othersdetails of conduct which are like the small…change in the
intercourse of life； and are always in request。
Men may show their disregard of others in various unpolite ways
as； for instance； by neglect of propriety in dress； by the absence
of cleanliness； or by indulging in repulsive habits。 The slovenly
dirty person； by rendering himself physically disagreeable； sets
the tastes and feelings of others at defiance； and is rude and
uncivil only under another form。
David Ancillon； a Huguenot preacher of singular attractiveness；
who studied and composed his sermons with the greatest care； was
accustomed to say 〃that it was showing too little esteem for the
public to take no pains in preparation； and that a man who should
appear on a ceremonial…day in his nightcap and dressing…gown；
could not commit a greater breach of civility。〃
The perfection of manner is easethat it attracts no man's
notice as such； but is natural and unaffected。 Artifice is
incompatible with courteous frankness of manner。 Rochefoucauld
has said that 〃nothing so much prevents our being natural as the
desire of appearing so。〃 Thus we come round again to sincerity
and truthfulness； which find their outward expression in
graciousness； urbanity； kindliness； and consideration for the
feelings of others。 The frank and cordial man sets those about
him at their ease。 He warms and elevates them by his presence；
and wins all hearts。 Thus manner； in its highest form； like
character； becomes a genuine motive power。
〃The love and admiration；〃 says Canon Kingsley； 〃which that truly
brave and loving man； Sir Sydney Smith； won from every one； rich
and poor； with whom he came in contact seems to have arisen from
the one fact； that without； perhaps； having any such conscious
intention； he treated rich and poor； his own servants and the
noblemen his guests； alike； and alike courteously； considerately；
cheerfully； affectionatelyso leaving a blessing； and reaping a
blessing； wherever he went。〃
Good manners are usually supposed to be the peculiar
characteristic of persons gently born and bred； and of persons
moving in the higher rather than in the lower spheres of society。
And this is no doubt to a great extent true； because of the more
favourable surroundings of the former in early life。 But there is
no reason why the poorest classes should not practise good manners
towards each other as well as the richest。
Men who toil with their hands； equally with those who do not； may
respect themselves and respect one another； and it is by their
demeanour to each otherin other words； by their mannersthat
self…respect as well as mutual respect are indicated。 There is
scarcely a moment in their lives； the enjoyment of which might not
be enhanced by kindliness of this sortin the workshop； in the
street； or at home。 The civil workman will exercise increased
power amongst his class； and gradually induce them to imitate him
by his persistent steadiness； civility； and kindness。 Thus
Benjamin Franklin； when a working…man； is said to have reformed
the habits of an entire workshop。
One may be polite and gentle with very little money in his purse。
Politeness goes far； yet costs nothing。 It is the cheapest of all
commodities。 It is the humblest of the fine arts； yet it is so
useful and so pleasure…giving； that it might almost be ranked
amongst the humanities。
Every nation may learn something of others； and if there be one
thing more than another that the English working…class might
afford to copy with advantage from their Continental neighbours；
it is their politeness。 The French and Germans； of even the
humblest classes； are gracious in manner； complaisant； cordial；
and well…bred。 The foreign workman lifts his cap and respectfully
salutes his fellow…workman in passing。 There is no sacrifice of
manliness in this； but grace and dignity。 Even the lowest poverty
of the foreign workpeople is not misery； simply because it is
cheerful。 Though not receiving one…half the income which our
working…classes do； they do not sink into wretchedness and drown
their troubles in drink； but contrive to make the best of life；
and to enjoy it even amidst poverty。
Good taste is a true economist。 It may be practised on small
means； and sweeten the lot of labour as well as of ease。 It is
all the more enjoyed； indeed； when associated with industry and
the performance of duty。 Even the lot of poverty is elevated
by taste。 It exhibits itself in the economies of the household。
It gives brightness and grace to the humblest dwelling。 It
produces refinement； it engenders goodwill； and creates an
atmosphere of cheerfulness。 Thus good taste； associated with
kindliness； sympathy； and intelligence； may elevate and
adorn even the lowliest lot。
The first and best school of manners； as of character； is always
the Home； where woman is the teacher。 The manners of society at
large are but the reflex of the manners of our collective homes；
neither better nor worse。 Yet； with all the disadvantages of
ungenial homes； men may practise self…culture of manner as of
intellect； and learn by good examples to cultivate a graceful and
agreeable behaviour towards others。 Most men are like so many
gems in the rough； which need polishing by contact with other and
better natures； to bring out their full beauty and lustre。 Some
have but one side polished； sufficient only to show the delicate
graining of the interior； but to bring out the full qualities of
the gem needs the discipline of experience； and contact with the
best examples of character in the intercourse of daily life。
A good deal of the success of manner consists in tact； and it is
because women； on the whole； have greater tact than men； that they
prove its most influential teachers。 They have