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As tough as a bone；
With a will of her own；
Is his daughter…in…law elect！
MIK。 My nature is love and light
My freedom from all defect
KAT。 Is insignificant quite；
Compared with his daughter…in…law elect！
BowBow
To his daughter…in…law elect！
ALL。 BowBow
To his daughter…in…law elect！
SONGMIKADO and CHORUS。
A more humane Mikado never
Did in Japan exist；
To nobody second；
I'm certainly reckoned
A true philanthropist。
It is my very humane endeavour
To make； to some extent；
Each evil liver
A running river
Of harmless merriment。
My object all sublime
I shall achieve in time
To let the punishment fit the crime
The punishment fit the crime；
And make each prisoner pent
Unwillingly represent
A source of innocent merriment！
Of innocent merriment！
All prosy dull society sinners；
Who chatter and bleat and bore；
Are sent to hear sermons
From mystical Germans
Who preach from ten till four。
The amateur tenor； whose vocal villainies
All desire to shirk；
Shall； during off…hours；
Exhibit his powers
To Madame Tussaud's waxwork。
The lady who dyes a chemical yellow
Or stains her grey hair puce；
Or pinches her figure；
Is painted with vigour
With permanent walnut juice。
The idiot who； in railway carriages；
Scribbles on window…panes；
We only suffer
To ride on a buffer
In Parliamentary trains。
My object all sublime； etc。
CHORUS。 His object all sublime； etc。
The advertising quack who wearies
With tales of countless cures；
His teeth； I've enacted；
Shall all be extracted
By terrified amateurs。
The music…hall singer attends a series
Of masses and fugues and 〃ops〃
By Bach； interwoven
With Spohr and Beethoven；
At classical Monday Pops。
The billiard sharp who any one catches；
His doom's extremely hard
He's made to dwell
In a dungeon cell
On a spot that's always barred。
And there he plays extravagant matches
In fitless finger…stalls
On a cloth untrue
With a twisted cue
And elliptical billiard balls！
My object all sublime； etc。
CHORUS。 His object all sublime； etc。
Enter Pooh…Bah； Ko…Ko； and Pitti…Sing。 All kneel
（Pooh…Bah hands a paper to Ko…Ko。）
KO。 I am honoured in being permitted to welcome your
Majesty。 I guess the object of your Majesty's visityour wishes
have been attended to。 The execution has taken place。
MIK。 Oh； you've had an execution； have you？
KO。 Yes。 The Coroner has just handed me his certificate。
POOH。 I am the Coroner。 （Ko…Ko hands certificate to
Mikado。）
MIK。 And this is the certificate of his death。 （Reads。）
〃At Titipu； in the presence of the Lord Chancellor； Lord Chief
Justice； Attorney…General； Secretary of State for the Home
Department； Lord Mayor； and Groom of the Second Floor Front〃
POOH。 They were all present； your Majesty。 I counted them
myself。
MIK。 Very good house。 I wish I'd been in time for the
performance。
KO。 A tough fellow he was； tooa man of gigantic strength。
His struggles were terrific。 It was a remarkable scene。
MIK。 Describe it。
TRIO and CHORUS。
KO…KO； PITTI…SING； POOH…BAH and CHORUS。
KO。 The criminal cried； as he dropped him down；
In a state of wild alarm
With a frightful； frantic； fearful frown；
I bared my big right arm。
I seized him by his little pig…tail；
And on his knees fell he；
As he squirmed and struggled；
And gurgled and guggled；
I drew my snickersnee！
Oh； never shall I
Forget the cry；
Or the shriek that shrieked he；
As I gnashed my teeth；
When from its sheath
I drew my snickersnee！
CHORUS。
We know him well；
He cannot tell
Untrue or groundless tales
He always tries
To utter lies；
And every time he fails。
PITTI。 He shivered and shook as he gave the sign
For the stroke he didn't deserve；
When all of a sudden his eye met mine；
And it seemed to brace his nerve；
For he nodded his head and kissed his hand；
And he whistled an air； did he；
As the sabre true
Cut cleanly through
His cervical vertebrae！
When a man's afraid；
A beautiful maid
Is a cheering sight to see；
And it's oh； I'm glad
That moment sad
Was soothed by sight of me！
CHORUS。
Her terrible tale
You can't assail；
With truth it quite agrees：
Her taste exact
For faultless fact
Amounts to a disease。
POOH。 Now though you'd have said that head was dead
（For its owner dead was he）；
It stood on its neck； with a smile well…bred；
And bowed three times to me！
It was none of your impudent off…hand nods；
But as humble as could be；
For it clearly knew
The d