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DES。 Poor child; she wanders! But softsome one
comesMargaretpray recollect yourselfBasingstoke; I beg!
Margaret; if you don't Basingstoke at once; I shall be seriously
angry。
MAR。 (recovering herself)。 Basingstoke it is!
DES。 Then make it so。
(Enter Robin。 He starts on seeing them。)
ROB。 Despard! And his young wife! This visit is
unexpected。
MAR。 Shall I fly at him? Shall I tear him limb from limb?
Shall I rend him asunder? Say but the word and
DES。 Basingstoke!
MAR。 (suddenly demure)。 Basingstoke it is!
DES。 (aside)。 Then make it so。 (Aloud。) My brotherI
call you brother still; despite your horrible profligacywe have
come to urge you to abandon the evil courses to which you have
committed yourself; and at any cost to become a pure and
blameless ratepayer。
ROB。 But I've done no wrong yet。
MAR。 (wildly)。 No wrong! He has done no wrong! Did you
hear that!
DES。 Basingstoke!
MAR。 (recovering herself)。 Basingstoke it is!
DES。 My brotherI still call you brother; you observeyou
forget that you have been; in the eye of the law; a Bad Baronet
of Ruddigore for ten yearsand you are therefore responsiblein
the eye of the lawfor all the misdeeds committed by the unhappy
gentleman who occupied your place。
ROB。 I see! Bless my heart; I never thought of that! Was
I very bad?
DES。 Awful。 Wasn't he? (To Margaret)。
ROB。 And I've been going on like this for how long?
DES。 Ten years! Think of all the atrocities you have
committedby attorney as it wereduring that period。 Remember
how you trifled with this poor child's affectionshow you raised
her hopes on high (don't cry; my loveBasingstoke; you know);
only to trample them in the dust when they were at the very
zenith of their fullness。 Oh fie; sir; fieshe trusted you!
ROB。 Did she? What a scoundrel I must have been! There;
theredon't cry; my dear (to Margaret; who is sobbing on Robin's
breast); it's all right now。 Birmingham; you knowBirmingham
MAR。 (sobbing)。 It's BaBaBasingstoke!
ROB。 Basingstoke! Of course it isBasingstoke。
MAR。 Then make it so!
ROB。 There; thereit's all righthe's married you
nowthat is; I've married you (turning to Despard)I say; which
of us has married her?
DES。 Oh; I've married her。
ROB。 (aside)。 Oh; I'm glad of that。 (To Margaret。) Yes;
he's married you now (passing her over to Despard); and anything
more disreputable than my conduct seems to have been I've never
even heard of。 But my mind is made upI will defy my ancestors。
I will refuse to obey their behests; thus; by courting death;
atone in some degree for the infamy of my career!
MAR。 I knew itI knew itGod bless
you(Hysterically)。
DES。 Basingstoke!
MAR。 Basingstoke it is! (Recovers herself。)
PATTER…TRIO。
ROBIN; DESPARD; and MARGARET。
ROB。 My eyes are fully open to my awful situation
I shall go at once to Roderic and make him an oration。
I shall tell him I've recovered my forgotten moral senses;
And I don't care twopence…halfpenny for any consequences。
Now I do not want to perish by the sword or by the dagger;
But a martyr may indulge a little pardonable swagger;
And a word or two of compliment my vanity would flatter;
But I've got to die tomorrow; so it really doesn't matter!
DES。 So it really doesn't matter
MAR。 So it really doesn't matter
ALL。 So it really doesn't matter; matter; matter; matter; matter!
MAR。 If were not a little mad and generally silly
I should give you my advice upon the subject; willy…nilly;
I should show you in a moment how to grapple with the
question;
And you'd really be astonished at the force of my
suggestion。
On the subject I shall write you a most valuable letter;
Full of excellent suggestions when I feel a little better;
But at present I'm afraid I am as mad as any hatter;
So I'll keep 'em to myself; for my opinion doesn't matter!
DES。 Her opinion doesn't matter
ROB。 Her opinion doesn't matter
ALL。 Her opinion doesn't matter; matter; matter; matter;
matter!
DES。 If I had been so lucky as to have a steady brother
Who could talk to me as we are talking now to one another
Who could give me good advice when he discovered I was
erring
(Which is just the very favour which on you I am
conferring);
My story would have made a rather interesting idyll;
And I might have lived and died a very decent indiwiddle。
This particularly rapid; unintelligible patter
Isn't generally heard; and if it is it doesn't matter!
ROB。 If it is it doesn't matter
MAR。 If it is it doesn't matter
ALL。 If it is it doesn't matter; matter; matter; matter;
matter!
(Exeunt Despard and Margaret。)
(Enter Adam。)
ADAM (guiltily)。 Masterthe deed is done!
ROB。 What deed?
ADAM。 She is herealone; unprotected
ROB。 Who?
ADAM。 The maiden。 I've carried her offI had a hard task;
for she fought like a tiger…cat!
ROB。 Great heaven; I had forgotten her! I had hoped to
have died unspotted by crime; but I am foiled againand by a
tiger…cat! Produce herand leave us!
(Adam introduces Dame Hannah; very much excited; and exits。)
ROB。 Dame Hannah! This isthis is not what I expected。
HAN。 Well; sir; and what would you with me? Oh; you have
begun bravelybravely indeed! Unappalled by the calm dignity of
blameless womanhood; your minion has torn me from my spotless
home; and dragged me; blindfold and shrieking; through hedges;
over stiles; and across a very difficult country; and left me;
helpless and trembling; at your mercy! Yet not helpless; coward
sir; for approach one stepnay; but the twentieth part of one
poor inchand this poniard (produces a very small dagger) shall
teach ye what it is to lay unholy hands on old Stephen Trusty's
daughter!
ROB。 Madam; I am extremely sorry for this。 It is not at
all what I intendedanything more correctmore deeply
respectful than my intentions towards you; it would be impossible
for any onehowever particularto desire。
HAN。 Bah; I am not to be tricked by smooth words;
hypocrite! But be warned in time; for there are; without; a
hundred gallant hearts whose trusty blades would hack him limb
from limb who dared to lay unholy hands on old Stephen Trusty's
daughter!
ROB。 And this is what it is to embark upon a career of
unlicensed pleasure!
(Dame Hannah; who has taken a formidable dagger from one of the