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the dwelling place of ligh-第30章

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What was it about her that had attracted Ditmar?  No other man had ever noticed
it。  She had never thought herself good looking; and nowit was astonishing!
she seemed to have changed;and she saw with pride that her arms and neck were
shapely; that her dark hair fell down in a cascade over her white shoulders to
her waist。  She caressed it; it was fine。  When she looked again; a radiancy
seemed to envelop her。  She braided her hair slowly; in two long plaits;
looking shyly in the mirror and always seeing that radiancy。。。。

Suddenly it occurred to her with a shock that she was doing exactly what she
had despised Lise for doing; and leaving the mirror she hurried her toilet; put
out the light; and got into bed。  For a long time; however; she remained
wakeful; turning first on one side and then on the other; trying to banish from
her mind the episode that had excited her。  But always it came back again。  She
saw Ditmar before her; virile; vital; electric with desire。  At last she fell
asleep。

Gradually she was awakened by something penetrating her consciousness;
something insistent; pervasive; unescapable; which in drowsiness she could not
define。  The gas was burning; Lise had come in; and was moving peculiarly about
the room。  Janet watched her。  She stood in front of the bureau; just as Janet
herself had done; her hands at her throat。  At last she let them fall; her head
turning slowly; as though drawn; by some irresistible; hypnotic power; and
their eyes met。  Lise's were filmed; like those of a dog whose head is being
stroked; expressing a luxuriant dreaminess uncomprehending; passionate。

〃Say; did I wake you?〃 she asked。  〃I did my best not to make any noisehonest
to God。〃

〃It wasn't the noise that woke me up;〃 said Janet。

〃It couldn't have been。〃

〃You've been drinking!〃 said Janet; slowly。

Lise giggled。

〃What's it to you; angel face!〃  she inquired。  〃Quiet down; now; and go bye…
bye。〃

Janet sprang from the bed; seized her by the shoulders; and shook her。  She was
limp。  She began to whimper。

〃Cut it outleave me go。  It ain't nothing to you what I doI just had a
highball。〃

Janet released her and drew back。

〃I just had a highballhonest to God!〃

〃Don't say that again!〃 whispered Janet; fiercely。

〃Oh; very well。  For God's sake; go to bed and leave me aloneI can take care
of myself; I guessI ain't nutty enough to hit the booze。  But I ain't like
youI've got to have a little fun to keep alive。〃

〃A little fun!〃 Janet exclaimed。  The phrase struck her sharply。  A little fun
to keep alive!

With that same peculiar; cautious movement she had observed; Lise approached a
chair; and sank into it;jerking her head in the direction of the room where
Hannah and Edward slept。

〃D'you want to wake 'em up?  Is that your game?〃 she asked; and began to fumble
at her belt。  Overcoming with an effort a disgust amounting to nausea; Janet
approached her sister again; little by little undressing her; and finally
getting her into bed; when she immediately fell into a profound slumber。
Janet; too; got into bed; but sleep was impossible: the odour lurked like a
foul spirit in the darkness; mingling with the stagnant; damp air that came in
at the open window; fairly saturating her with horror: it seemed the very
essence of degradation。  But as she lay on the edge of the bed; shrinking from
contamination; in the throes of excitement inspired by an unnamed fear; she
grew hot; she could feel and almost hear the pounding of her heart。  She rose;
felt around in the clammy darkness for her wrapper and slippers; gained the
door; crept through the dark hall to the dining…room; where she stealthily lit
the lamp; darkness had become a terror。  A cockroach scurried across the
linoleum。  The room was warm and close; it reeked with the smell of stale food;
but at least she found relief from that other odour。  She sank down on the
sofa。

Her sister was drunk。  That in itself was terrible enough; yet it was not the
drunkenness alone that had sickened Janet; but the suggestion of something
else。  Where had Lise been?  In whose company had she become drunk?  Of late;
in contrast to a former communicativeness; Lise had been singuarly secretive as
to her companions; and the manner in which her evenings were spent; and she;
Janet; had grown too self…absorbed to be curious。  Lise; with her shopgirl's
cynical knowledge of life and its pitfalls and the high valuation at which she
held her charms; had seemed secure from danger; but Janet recalled her
discouragement; her threat to leave the Bagatelle。  Since then there had been
something furtive about her。  Now; because that odour of alcohol Lise exhaled
had destroyed in Janet the sense of exhilaration; of life on a higher plane she
had begun to feel; and filled her with degradation; she hated Lise; felt for
her sister no strain of pity。  A proof; had she recognized it; that immorality
is not a matter of laws and decrees; but of individual emotions。  A few hours
before she had seen nothing wrong in her relationship with Ditmar: now she
beheld him selfish; ruthless; pursuing her for one end; his own gratification。
As a man; he had become an enemy。  Ditmar was like all other men who exploited
her sex without compunction; but the thought that she was like Lise; asleep in
a drunken stupor; that their cases differed only in degree; was insupportable。

At last she fell asleep from sheer weariness; to dream she was with Ditmar at
some place in the country under spreading trees; Silliston; perhapsSilliston
Common; cleverly disguised: nor was she quite sure; always; that the man was
Ditmar; he had a way of changing; of resembling the man she had met in
Silliston whom she had mistaken for a carpenter。  He was pleading with her; in
his voice was the peculiar vibrancy that thrilled her; that summoned some
answering thing out of the depths of her; and she felt herself yielding with a
strange ecstasy in which were mingled joy and terror。  The terror was
conquering the joy; and suddenly he stood transformed before her eyes;
caricatured; become a shrieking monster from whom she sought in agony to
escape。。。。  In this paralysis of fear she awoke; staring with wide eyes at the
flickering flame of the lamp; to a world filled with excruciating soundthe
siren of the Chippering Mill!  She lay trembling with the horror of the
dreamspell upon her; still more than half convinced that the siren was Ditmar's
voice; his true expression。  He was waiting to devour her。  Would the sound
never end?。。。

Then; remembering where she was; alarmed lest her mother might come in and find
her there; she left the sofa; turned out the sputtering lamp; and ran into the
bedroom。  Rain was splashing on the bricks of the passage…way outside; the
shadows of the night still lurked in the corners; by the grey light she gazed
at Lise; who breathed loudly and stirred uneasily; her mouth open; her lips
parched。  Janet touched her。

〃Liseget up!〃 she said。  〃It's time to get up。〃  She shook her。

〃Leave me alonecan't you?〃

〃It's time to get up。  The whistle has sounded。〃

Lise heavily opened her eyes。  They were bloodshot。

〃I don't want to
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