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the dwelling place of ligh-第107章

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which we found her; as a piece of deserved fortune for which she has to
thank some virtue inherited from her ancestors!  Well; perhaps he's
right。  If she were not unique; I shouldn't want to keep her here。  It's
pure selfishness。  I told Mr。 Bumpus I expected to find work for her。〃

Mrs。 Maturin returned Insall's smile。  〃I suppose you're too polite to
say that I'm carried away by my enthusiasms。  But you will at least do me
the justice to admit that they are rare anddiscriminating; as a
connoisseur's should be。  I think even you will approve of her。〃

〃Oh; I have approved of herthat's the trouble。〃

Mrs。 Maturin regarded him for a moment in silence。

〃I wish you could have seen her when I began to read those verses of
Stevenson's。  It was an inspirations your thinking of them。〃

〃Did I think of them?〃

〃You know you did。  You can't escape your responsibility。  Well; I felt
likelike a gambler; as though I were staking everything on a throw。
And; after I began; as if I were playing on some rare instrument。  She
lay there; listening; without uttering a word; but somehow she seemed to
be interpreting them for me; giving them a meaning and a beauty I hadn't
imagined。  Another time I told her about Silliston; and how this little
community for over a century and a half had tried to keep its standard
flying; to carry on the work begun by old Andrew; and I thought of those
lines;

              〃Other little children
               Shall bring my boats ashore。'

That particular application just suddenly; occurred to me; but she
inspired it。〃

〃You're a born schoolma'am;〃 Insall laughed。

〃I'm much too radical for a schoohna'am;〃 she declared。  〃No board of
trustees would put up with menot even Silliston's!  We've kept the
faith; but we do move slowly; Brooks。  Even tradition grows; and
sometimes our blindness here to changes; to modern; scientific facts;
fairly maddens me。  I read her that poem of Moody'syou know it:

              ‘Here; where the moors stretch free
               In the high blue afternoon;
               Are the marching sun and the talking sea。'

and those last lines:

              ‘But thou; vast outbound ship of souls;
               What harbour town for thee?
               What shapes; when thy arriving tolls;
               Shall crowd the banks to see?
               Shall all the happy shipmates then
               Stand singing brotherly?
               Or shall a haggard; ruthless few
               Warp her over and bring her to;
               While the many broken souls of me
               Fester down in the slaver's pen;
               And nothing to say or do?'

I was sorry afterwards; I could see that she was tremendously excited。
And she made me feel as if I; too; had been battened down in that hold
and bruised and almost strangled。  I often wonder whether she has got out
of it into the lightwhether we can rescue her。〃  Mrs。 Maturin paused。

〃What do you mean?〃  Insall asked。

〃Well; it's difficult to describe; what I feelshe's such a perplexing
mixture of old New England and modernity; of a fatalism; and an aliveness
that fairly vibrates。  At first; when she began to recover; I was
conscious only of the vitalitybut lately I feel the other quality。  It
isn't exactly the old Puritan fatalism; or even the Greek; it's oddly
modern; too; almost agnostic; I should say;a calm acceptance of the
hazards of life; of nature; of sun and rain and storm alikevery
different from the cheap optimism one finds everywhere now。  She isn't
exactly resignedI don't say thatI know she can be rebellious。  And
she's grateful for the sun; yet she seems to have a conviction that the
clouds will gather again。。。。  The doctor says she may leave the hospital
on Monday; and I'm going to bring her over here for awhile。  Then;〃 she
added insinuatingly; 〃we can collaborate。〃

〃I think I'll go back to Maine;〃 Insall exclaimed。

〃If you desert me; I shall never speak to you again;〃 said Mrs。 Maturin。

〃Janet;〃 said Mrs。 Maturin the next day; as she laid down the book from
which she was reading; 〃do you remember that I spoke to you once in
Hampton of coming here to Silliston?  Well; now we've got you here; we
don't want to lose you。  I've been making inquiries; quite a number of
the professors have typewriting to be done; and they will be glad to give
their manuscripts to you instead of sending them to Boston。  And there's
Brooks Insall tooif he ever takes it into his head to write another
book。  You wouldn't have any trouble reading his manuscript; it's like
script。  Of course it has to be copied。  You can board with Mrs。 Case
I've arranged that; too。  But on Monday I'm going to take you to my
house; and keep you until you're strong enough to walk。〃

Janet's eyes were suddenly bright with tears。

〃You'll stay?〃

〃I can't;〃 answered Janet。  〃I couldn't。〃

〃But why not?  Have you any other plans?〃

〃No; I haven't any plans; butI haven't the right to stay here。〃
Presently she raised her face to her friend。  〃Oh Mrs。 Maturin; I'm so
sorry!  I didn't want to bring any sadness hereit's all so bright and
beautiful!  And now I've made you sad!〃

It was a moment before Augusta Maturin could answer her。

〃What are friends for; Janet;〃 she asked; 〃if not to share sorrow with?
And do you suppose there's any place; however bright; where sorrow has
not come?  Do you think I've not known it; too?  And Janet; I haven't sat
here all these days with you without guessing that something worries you。
I've been waiting; all this time; for you to tell me; in order that I
might help you。〃

〃I wanted to;〃 said Janet; 〃every day I wanted to; but I couldn't。  I
couldn't bear to trouble you with it; I didn't mean ever to tell you。
And thenit's so terrible; I don't know what you'll think。〃

〃I think I know you; Janet;〃 answered Mrs。 Maturin。  〃Nothing human;
nothing natural is terrible; in the sense you mean。  At least I'm one of
those who believe so。〃

Presently Janet said; 〃I'm going to have a child。〃

Mrs。 Maturin sat very still。  Something closed in her throat; preventing
her immediate reply。

〃I; too; had a child; my dear;〃 she answered。  〃I lost her。〃  She felt
the girl's clasp tighten on her fingers。

〃But youyou had a right to ityou were married。〃  Children are sacred
things;〃 said Augusta Maturin。

〃Sacred!  Could it be that a woman like Mrs。 Maturity thought that this
child which was coming to her was sacred; too?

〃However they come?〃 asked Janet。  〃Oh; I tried to believe that; too!  At
firstat first I didn't want it; and when I knew it was coming I was
driven almost crazy。  And then; all at once; when I was walking in the
rain; I knew I wanted it to haveto keep all to myself。  You
understand?〃

Augusta Maturity inclined her head。

〃But the father?〃 she managed to ask; after a moment。  〃I don't wish to
pry; my dear; but does hedoes he realize?  Can't he help you?〃

〃It was Mr。 Ditmar。〃

〃Perhaps it will help you to tell me about it; Janet。〃

〃I'dI'd like to。  I've been so unhappy since you told me he was dead
and I felt like a cheat。  You see; he promised to marry me; and I know
now that he loved
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